Monday, December 12, 2005

The Christmas Shoes

Okay, I totally have the Christmas spirit - I have gifts and wrapping paper and I'm thinking about putting on my mix CD of holiday music while I do some laundry - but there is nothing that takes me OUT of the Christmas spirit more than "The Christmas Shoes" by New Song. This has to be one of the worst songs ever written. A dirty little kid buying shoes for his sick mother on Christmas Eve? Bogus! There's also the mean-spirited shop owner and the kindly stranger, narrating the song, who gives the kid the money he needs to afford said shoes. And then, of course, there's the children's chorus. Now, in such holiday favorites as "The Night Before Christmas" by Amy Grant and "Merry Xmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon, a children's chorus is used to great effect, but in "The Christmas Shoes," it's just overkill... and the song is too low for the kids. They all just sort of growl the low notes. Bad, bad songwriters. Bad.

In my book, there's only one song worse than this one: "Dear Mr. Jesus." I may write more about this gem another day.

The Christmas Shoes - D (it doesn't fail because it's so damn catchy - I guess you're not so bad after all, songwriters)

11 comments:

equippedtofascinate said...

I agree with you 110% on the Christmas Shoes. I feel bad because I know the writers were going for tears when they wrote it, but I laugh every time I hear it. It's so damn bad.

paultoes said...

you wanna know the best christmas song? "joy to the world" by crystal lewis. i listened to it three times today. this isn't your mother's "joy to the world"... it's mine.
grade - A+

Natalie said...

OH oh oh... the opposite of Ho Ho Ho... When my co-worker told me about this song I thought, "It sounds hokey, but it can't be that bad..." Boy can it ever!!! There is only one song I know of that is worse than this one, and it's only worse due to lack of originality: Toy Sack. Sung to the tune of... wait for it... Love Shack. Yes, my friends, "Toy Sack, Ba-a-beeee!" It's not that I hate Christmas, it's just that I hate Christmas songs. And that is going to be the title of MY Christmas anthem... for all you shoeless humbuggers out there.

amanda's brother said...

Stole this gem from the LeanLeft blog: "The only way to make the song even remotely tolerable is to do something Kevin found Googling up the song: Imagine the kid is a grifter, his mom is waiting in the car, and they’ve been pulling this scam at every store in town, with plans to return the shoes for cash two days after Christmas."

Dishonorable mention has to go to "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" by Sir Paul McCartney. I can't believe this is the same guy who wrote "Yesterday."

NicelyKing said...

for those of u who know anne, you wont be surprised to know that she pulled herself over the side of the road and cried the first time she heard it. if u know me, you wont be surprised to know that i laughed my ass off at her and the lameness of the song. big ups to mariahs "oh holy night" though, its a christmas fave of mine. along with "grown up christmas list" by none other than la diva clarkson. (yes, i know ms grant did it first)

L1 said...

I hate Christmas music and have learned to tune it out entirely.

So I don't know the Shoes song.

I like shoes, though. Boots, especially.

equippedtofascinate said...

Hold on. Does KC have a christmas album out Noland? If so, who's getting it for me for Christmas? Don't waste your time answering that question. I'm going to the mall right now to find out. I also love Mariah's O Holy Night. Girl can belt those notes.

casey said...

I do not know the Shoes song ... but if you have to beg for shoes, I doubt that the mom has a dress to match. I love Mariah's classic "All I want for Christmas is You!" It's all full of cheer!

shannon said...

Oh my god Patrick, you are so wrong. I think something just came out of my nose when I read your comment...

Seriously, I hate this song. I have newfound love though for "I Want a Hippopotomus For Christmas" though, which I never heard before last year despite how incredibly old-school it sounds. What rhyming genious dared put "hippopotomus" into a song?!?

Dustin J. Harder said...

never heard it, where do you hear this shit yo?!?!

Anonymous said...

Fuck you all, I loved the song... ah well, since when have I cared about others opinions? (and what are the odds you care what I think?) And why the hell am I wasting my time typing this... ah well, not much to do, anyways