Wednesday, November 05, 2014

A Story About Soda

When I was a younger person, I drank a lot of Coke. When I became a slightly older person, I drank waaaaay too much Coke. Let me put it to you this way: at my prime, I was probably drinking up to 100 oz. of Coke a day (that's five 20-oz. bottles, for those who want to understand how such a thing is even possible). And sure, I was living a more "active lifestyle," but you can interpret that as dancing at frat parties. I drank a lot of Coke, OK? But not a lot of coffee. I only drank coffee at the truck stop, late at night (not a lot to do in my college town after 11 PM), with tons of cream and sugar. Mostly, thought, it was Coke.

One night, I went to hear my friend's band play, at a coffee shop, and I drank about six cups of coffee LOADED with cream and sugar. I know the sugar was bad, but I still believe the real culprit was the coffee, and its caffeine that I didn't know how to process because I only dealt with Coke caffeine. Long story short, I woke up at 2 in the morning convinced I was having a heart attack. My heart was RACING. It was super scary.

Well, this fateful day was right before Ash Wednesday, so I decided to give up Coke for Lent. Presbyterians don't necessarily give things up for Lent, but this seemed like a reasonable length of time that I could go without Coke.
Let me tell you what - I was MEAN as a snake for the first four days. Horrible headache, short temper, full of angst and woe. For four days... maybe a week. But after that, I was pure as the driven show. I didn't drink a Coke for all of Lent - 46 days if you count it the way I did. And by the end, I had lost not only 15 pounds, but the desire to drink Coke. Sure, I fell off the wagon a couple times (my year at Bennigan's was especially bad - they had those little cone cups in a dispenser so I could just get a shot of Coke), but the last time I actually drank a full cup of Coke was about five years ago, at a bar, because I didn't feel like drinking booze.  And it was bar gun Coke.  Which is WORSE.  It had some other soda remnants mixed in, and it was nasty.  Never again.  But sometimes, I just want an em-eff soft drink.  Which is where root beer comes in.  Oh, do I love root beer.  It is so delicious.

I think this is usually the point in the story where I talk about the dentist.  (full disclosure: I started writing this post about three years ago)  I didn't go to the dentist for seven years: the whole time I was in college, drinking all that Coke, plus one year after that when I still didn't have health insurance, plus one year when I DID have dental insurance but didn't have my act together enough to find a dentist.  When I finally went to the dentist, I had SEVEN CAVITIES.  That's one for every year I didn't go to the dentist.

The moral of the story here is watch your sugary soda intake.  And drink more coffee!

delicious icy cold Coke products - A
too many icy cold Coke products - D

hello again.

I hardly even know what a blog is anymore, in this world of Instagram and facebook status updates.  (seriously, Blogger doesn't even recognize Instagram as a word that's spelled correctly).  But I'm feeling nostalgic, so this happened.

I'm supposed to give something a grade, right?  SEE!?  Who am I!?

Oh, that's who I am.  A lady who didn't wash her hair before going on the radio, because hey, it's radio.  But look at how good my hair looks. 

showering every other day - A+

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Things I've Lost

Things in this life come and go. Some are items you treasure and will never, ever lose; others are so ephemeral you hardly even noticed you had them in the first place, much less when you got rid of them. But this list is about those things that fall solidly in the middle: things I noticed when I lost them and sometimes still lament their absence but am able to carry on without.
* sapphire ring, lost 1999. I bought myself this ring shortly after my college boyfriend & I broke up - I had hoped he would propose (oh, but in retrospect, how glad I am he didn't) and when instead we parted ways, I bought myself this antique sapphire & diamond ring to make myself feel better. Small, but still sort of extravagant for me. And I LOST the fucker. Lost it inside my washing machine. Couldn't retrieve it. At least, that's where I thing it was. I'm pretty sure I put it in my pocket once when I was washing my hands or something, and didn't notice it was gone, and then washed those jeans, and poof, no more ring.

* Clinique Black Honey lip gloss, lost October 25, 2008. Oh, I know EXACTLY where this lip gloss is. I was in a wedding, and all the girls had cute matching tote bags that we got as gifts from the bride, and my lip gloss ended up in someone else's bag. AND CLINIQUE DOESN'T MAKE IT ANYMORE. I loved this lip gloss and I am so sad that some other girl has it... and probably threw it away because ew, who wants to use some random lip gloss that somebody accidentally put in your bag? (sadly, my lip gloss wasn't the only part of that marriage to not last. ouch.) I tried to get it back, but no avail. Farewell, perfect lip gloss.

* work keys, lost January 2008. It's not like I didn't get another set when I realized I lost them;I just felt like a doofus for leaving my work keys in New York when I went there for a conference. I called the hotel, they said they didn't have them, but I swear, they have to be there. Although I sometimes expect to find them in a dark corner of the basement at work...

* dolphin necklace, lost July 1994. Again, I know exactly where I left my dolphin necklace: on Trent Thompson's boat. I asked him to bring it home with him, but he forgot, and then I forgot, and now I don't have that necklace. I probably wouldn't be wearing it these days anyway, but I treasured it at the time and would like to keep it in the junk jewelry box with all the other beaded necklaces and yarn bracelets from that time.

* copies of Barrel Fever and Naked, lost September 2004. I lent these books to someone I didn't know very well, with plenty of time for her to finish them before our temporary friendship came to an end (we were in a show together - trust me, those can be very intense friendships that die immediately upon the show closing). She forgot to bring them to me on the last day of the show, but we still had strike the next day, so I said I'd get them from her then. And then I skipped strike. Completely my fault, but I'm sad I don't have those books anymore.

material loss - C- (hey, I didn't really need any of that stuff anyway, right?)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Bottoms: A Log

Thursday August 25
12 AM-7:45 AM: orange & blue plaid pajama bottoms
8 AM-8:35 AM: pink running shorts (to wear whilst eating breakfast & drying hair)
8:35 AM-6:45 PM: brown striped skirt
6:45 PM-8:30 PM: pink running shorts again
8:30 PM-9:15 PM: jeans (walking the dog, to deter mosquitoes)
9:15 PM-11:15 PM: yoga pants (Pilates/TV watching)
11:15 PM and beyond: orange & blue plaid pajama bottoms

Daily total: 5 total bottoms, 6 changes

laundry - B-

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


I have an anecdote: when I was in college, one Saturday morning before a football game, pre-game marching band practice was cancelled because it was raining heavily. My friend Katie & I decided to go out for breakfast, since we had extra time to kill. But we couldn't make decisions on what we wanted, 'cause everything sounded good. So we ordered EVERYTHING. Biscuits & gravy, eggs, bacon, sausage, oatmeal, pancakes, hash browns, toast... OH MY GOD, SO MUCH FOOD. It was amazing. For about 15 minutes. And then we felt sick. I don't think I've ever eaten as much food in one sitting as I did that morning at Stoby's.

Breakfast isn't just the most important meal of the day, it's also my favorite. Maybe it's because I eat the same thing 9 days out of 10 (bowl of cereal, cup of coffee), but when I get the opportunity to make a delicious breakfast selection, I have a really hard time. Savory or sweet? Is meat involved? Are eggs? Can I (or the good cook who lives with me) prepare it at home? I am usually the last person to order when it's a restaurant breakfast meal, and more often than not, I make a snap decision... uhhh, BLUEBERRY PANCAKES! And even though I never regret my decision, I always look longingly across the table at the omelette/cinnamon roll/Eggs Benedict my dining mates have selected.

Breakfast - B+

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Signs of Adulthood

I think I have a very grown-up refrigerator. We'll talk about the inside another time (but I'll leave you with a sneak preview: beer and Brie). Today, I'd like to talk you through the outside, and why I think it shows that I'm a grown-up. Cultural anthropology, here we come!

We'll start with the center dry erase board (and continue clockwise). If you look closely, you'll see a grocery list featuring butter and bullion cubes. Also, our rent amounts are listed, since it changes in a couple months. Although, in the spirit of full disclosure, all that stuff is old. Rent's going up again in August, and we bought that butter in April.

Moving on to the pig, chicken and lamb magnets. Those are from Alton Brown's cookbook. There's also a cow, who lives on the side of the fridge.

Baby birth announcements - a sure sign of grown-up-ness. My good friend's tot AND my niece are up there.

Please note the Barbra Streisand Hanukkah card. Babs, with angel wings and a halo, holding a menorah. And of course, the inside reads "Hello Gorgeous." Probably one of the best pieces of mail I've ever received, so on the fridge it went.

The center of the freezer also contains a graduation party announcement - if I don't put it there, I won't remember to go to that party.

Moving down to the refrigerator portion, you'll see artwork created by my two-year-old nephew... because kid art BELONGS on the fridge. Additionally, there's a copy of our Christmas card, because it was AWESOME and I like to look at it, and a coupon for Heartgard for Wash.

Moving back up to the freezer, you'll see more evidence that we own a dog: a Cairn Terrier magnet and emergency vet contact magnet are holding up a picture of Nate's friend's family. Aren't they cute?

Finally, you'll see an item I treasure: a note from Wash that appeared in my suitcase when I was walking in the Breast Cancer 3-Day a couple years ago. He's got his nose in the air, and the text reads "I NOSE YOU CAN DO IT!!!!" Wash is clever like that.

I really like my refrigerator. Somehow, it just feels right.

signs of adulthood - A-

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I just made myself really sad.

... by re-reading my old blog posts.

I don't think any of you are still out there. Well, maybe Meggie. And maybe Lenette, because I think you get notified whenever I add a new post? That's cool. Technology is rad.

I have gotten by by saying "I write my blog in my head every day," or "I'm too busy living my life to take the time to document it." But I really, REALLY used to enjoy writing this little blog. It wasn't an effort, it wasn't forced, and people really seemed to like it - and I never pretended like it was for me! It was for my readers! Brightening your day, making you laugh, commenting on the absurdities of my day-to-day existence. I sort of miss that.

So once again, I turn over a new leaf. Fingers crossed it sticks this time.

Once More, With Feeling - a hopeful B+

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I Get These People Confused:

Chazz Palminteri and Oliver Platt. Why? Why do you become the same person in my head? I saw somewhere that Chazz is playing Angie Harmon's dad in Rizzoli and Isles, and I thought, aren't they the same age? Turns out that Chazz is 20 years older than Angie, but only 8 years older than Oliver Platt... so I can't explain my confusion there. But really, these guys are totally interchangeable to me. I loved that movie The Impostors, but I couldn't tell you which one, Chazz or Oliver, was in this film (turns out it's Oliver."

This is almost as bad as Robert De Niro vs. Al Pacino.

celebrity doppelganagers - C