Saturday, September 30, 2006

Harriet Carter

All right, which one of you jackasses signed me up to get the Harriet Carter catalog? Because I got it in the mail a couple days ago, and it wasn't addressed to "Resident." It was addressed to me. How did they get my address?

Harriet Carter is the largest purveyor of useless junk on the planet. It even surpasses Oriental Trading Company for the amount of things in one catalog that a person doesn't need (at least OTC supplies party favors, which are inherently disposable - HC stuff is supposed to last). Take, for instance, this "hair umbrella." This is so you can get a haircut at home and the hair won't go all over the floor or down your neck. I think it looks like a man pot pie. How do you suppose this guy got the gig modeling the hair umbrella? I bet his agent got fired after this one.

Or how about this tiki face tissue dispenser? What genius thought this up? I think Harriet Carter might be the home for ill inventions - you know, you send away for that patent kit and your brilliant item ends up on page 86 - but at least you got some media coverage.

Harriet Carter - C- (points awarded for the hours of amusement I can get flipping through the catalog)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Top Five

In no particular order, here are my top five things of the day:

107one - the quintessential Ann Arbor radio station. What I love about 107one is, truly, the variety. I like listening to the radio. The car I drove for about seven years didn't have a tape deck or CD player, so I got very accustomed to listening to the radio whilst in the car, and I developed a love for pop music. However, sometimes I don't want to hear the same damn pop songs over and over. 107one is really my kind of station. They play a lot of pop, but they also play a lot of REM, Indigo Girls, Tori Amos, and bands that are flying under the radar of mainstream radio stations. It's a little pretentious, sure, but the music selection is mighty fine.

YouTube - wanna see the theatrical trailer for almost any movie playing now or from the last five years? YouTube. Have a craving to see all of the Cosby Show intros? YouTube. Interested to see how people with way too much time on their hands make use of digital video equipment and the Internet? YouTube. I don't know what I'll look for next - there's a world of possibilities.

Money - I have a little bit right now, and my life is easier. Not only is it easier, it's prettier. I am going to get a manicure and pedicure tomorrow, things I haven't done in a really long time.

America's Next Top Model - I am so totally into this show, it's not funny. I have been thinking about it all week. Since I haven't watched a whole season (or as ANTM likes to call them, "cycle") from the beginning, now I understand what the big deal is. This show is insane. First of all, some of the girls aren't even pretty. Second, it shows the dark side of a bunch of divas living in one house together, competing for a prize. It's definitely a cushy version of "Survivor." Finally, everyone knows that models are crazy, and now we get to see aspiring ones develop that craziness. It's sick and gross and I love it.

This picture.

Everything gets an A.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Here It Goes Again

By now, many of you have already seen or at least heard about OK Go's new video for "Here It Goes Again," but I'm here to give it naivehelga's endorsement. This video is a riot. It's mesmerizing. The first time I saw it, I couldn't take my eyes off the TV. Now, every time it comes on, I anticipate my favorite parts and lean forward on the couch - and it's just as captivating as the first time I saw it.
For those of you without MTV or VH1, you can check it out on YouTube (which is also a fabulous new toy that I'll write about some day). "Here It Goes Again" is right up there with "Sledgehammer," "Golddigger," and "Losing My Religion" for all-time top videos.

"Here It Goes Again" - A

Sunday, September 24, 2006


Here's what I have to say about Edmond:
1 - my brother is in it. He plays a junior lawyer who just got out of the office and has rushed to his night job which helps him pay off his student loans. Yes, folks, my brother plays a bartender in a tie. Even though he's only in it for a split second, this was the first time I've ever seen my Bubba up on a big screen, and it was pretty sweet.

2 - this is William H. Macy as you've never seen him before - and really, you don't ever want to see him like this again.

3 - Edmond is like an amusement park ride - no pregnant women or people with heart conditions allowed, and certainly no one under 36 inches tall (basically, no kids). This movie made me cringe more than once. But I still recommend it - see point 1.

Edmond - B+

Friday, September 22, 2006

Happy Breakfast

This is my new favorite commercial campaign, for Jimmy Dean sausage. These commercials make me want to eat nasty breakfast sandwiches - so I guess they work. Check 'em out here. My favorite is the one with the moon. I feel like my day isn't complete until I see the full moon. I also like the one called "burn." It made me laugh out loud.

Jimmy Dean commercials - A-

Thursday, September 21, 2006

America's Next Top Model

OK, I loved ANTM. Loved it. I hope it's always on at 9, so I can watch it and Project Runway.

I've seen episodes from earlier cycles, but I've never seen the first episode of any cycle, so I'm all about watching from the beginning and predicting early on, then watching my favorites fall. So far, I like Jaeda (even though she looks like a man), Megan (she looks like Kim!), and CariDee. I also think Megg is beautiful, but super annoying. Also, those twins are not cute at all, but huge kudos to whichever one did the bulimia picture - that shot was shocking and provocative and incredible.

ANTM - B+ (points off because I really, really didn't want to like it, but I do)

PS. Here's that picture of Michelle. For those of you who didn't watch the show, the theme of the photo shoot was "model misconceptions" - dumb blonde, anorexic, throws her phone at her assistant, won't get out of bed for less than ten grand a day, that sort of thing. This bulimia picture is kind of spectacular.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Grammar Cops for the New Millennium

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Snow Patrol.

"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

And English teachers everywhere rejoice.

grammatically correct song lyrics - A

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Sports Night

Once upon a time, a young woman lived a cold, cold life. She didn't know joy. She didn't know happiness. She didn't know the best writing on television.

She didn't know Sports Night.

And then, a benefactor appeared, saying "I've told you about Sports Night for years. Just borrow my DVDs." The girl tried to refuse, saying, "I'm not going to have time to watch TV." The benefactor said "They're only 27 1/2 minutes long each. Just take 'em."

And I did.

And my life has never been better. This show is completely awesome. It's very West Wing (which makes sense, considering that the Schlamme/Sorkin brain trust developed it) with fast dialogue and conversations in hallways, but it's easy to follow and very funny - with some brilliant eloquent speeches thrown in, of course, to keep the smart people entertained. I totally love it. I realize it's been off the air for almost seven years, and if it were still going, then Six Feet Under, The West Wing, and Desperate Housewives would have been very different shows, but I'm kind of sad that the 20 episodes I have left to watch are the only other 20 episodes ever. I want there to be more. I NEED there to be more. Good thing Grey's Anatomy starts this week, 'cause when Sports Night is over, I'm going to need something to fill my TV time.

Watch this show. Rent it if you can, buy it if you must.

Sports Night - A+

Sunday, September 17, 2006


I'm singing in yet another wedding in a couple weeks. I was working on learning my song today, but got a little hung up on some of the lyrics. This is probably one of the prettiest songs I've ever sung at a wedding, but I don't understand what these lyrics mean, and I'd like your help.

"Well, then, what's to be the reason for becoming man and wife? Is it love that brings you here, or love that brings you life? For if loving is the answer, then who's the giving for? Do you believe in something that you've never seen before? - There is love."

OK, it's not that they're unintelligible, or completely cheesy - I have in fact sung lyrics significantly cheesier than these - but what does that third line mean? "If loving is the answer, then who's the giving for?" Are they talking about giving away the bride, or giving a present? I'm sure it's not the present, because this is a song that's meant to be taken seriously, and no self-respecting Christian lyricist would include a little pun about gift-giving. So, we're talking about giving away the bride, then?

How exactly am I supposed to feel these lyrics if I don't know what in the hell they mean?

mystery lyrics - C-

ps. typed in "cheesy wedding picture" and got this one - A+ to Google images

Friday, September 15, 2006

Olympus Fashion Week

To spare anyone out there who a) isn't into Project Runway or b) wants the final runway show to be a surprise, I'm not posting any pictures for this one. But, if you want to know more, I suggest you go here or here to see pictures. Some of the designs are incredible. Some of the designs are not. Now that I've seen designs from all four of the final designers, I don't know who's in the final three and who's the decoy. My head might explode between now and the final show.

And there are other designers there, too. Jay from season 1, and Michael Kors and Catherine Malandrino and even some who don't have anything to do with Project Runway. Maybe someday I'll take my big Chanel sunglasses and try to get into Fashion Week. Who's with me?

Olympus Fashion Week - A-

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Project Runway

When I found out that the challenge was to design a black-and-white dress, my first thought was "Well, Laura's going to win, since all she ever designs is black-and-white." Now, I'm not saying that this dress isn't adorable, and a welcome change from all the "mature" things she's been designing, and I love Camilla, her model. I'm just saying that Laura had a bit of an edge since she was used to working with a minimal palette.
I think Entertainment Weekly summed it up best in their "What to Watch" section - "Admit it: You just want this season over so you can buy Michael's line." Everything the man designs is gold.
It's not awesome that Vincent's model got in a bike accident, but you know what? I thought she was gross and not pretty at all. Of course, that weirdo that Vincent had to use in Jia's place was truly ugly. She looked like a bad drag queen.
Tomorrow is the real life Project Runway show at Olympus Fashion Week. I won't spoil anything for you (unless you ask really nicely), but I'll be looking at the pictures to see if I can determine who made the top three. In case you don't know, Bravo and Project Runway have all four designers who are still in the running on the show when Fashion Wekk actually happens show collections. So, even though one of them is actually out, to fool the press, Michael, Laura, Uli and Jeff will all be showing collections tomorrow. And Jay, Malan and Michael Kors all showed collections today. Super exciting.

Project Runway - A

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Back To School

One of my most favorite things in the whole world is doing a Google search for images for my blog, and seeing what random shit they offer to me. This is one of the first twenty images offered for "back to school." It doesn't get much better than this.

The professors and administration have reached some sort of agreement, so I have a full day of class today. I'm excited. I packed my lunch and everything. Since I'm getting that work done on my car, Nate had to drop me off at school early, so I've been in the library using the school's printers to print the huge documents I need for some of my classes - stickin' it to the man whenever I can.

back to school - B+

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Run Away! Run Away!

Yesterday, Nate and I made a quick stop at Game Stop, home of all things video game. Nate needed to trade in an old one and get a new one, and since we had just dropped my car off to get some work done, I was at his mercy for errands. Well, I was looking around, and I walked up to a section where the sales girl had just been reshelving. Nate walked up, too, and just as he was reaching my side, I smelled the worst fart smell I have ever experienced. It was unbelievable nasty. So Nate walks up, and I cast him a sidelong glance and laugh - in horror. He looked at me, totally grossed out, and we walked in separate directions. After much standing around, the sales girl finally checked us out, and we left the store. After we were a safe distance away from the door, Nate looked at me and said:

"Dude, you're nasty."

HE BLAMED ME! HE BLAMED ME! I said "Nuh-unh, buddy, that wasn't me, it was the sales girl." Nate said "Liar!" And I said "Seriously. That was not me. She farted and ran away from it." Nate said, "You looked at me and giggled." I said "Right - because it was gross. It wasn't me. It was the sales girl."

And Nate said "Sick."


super gross sales girl farts - F

Monday, September 11, 2006

The Dark Ages

That's where I'm livin'.

My Internet has gone missing. For some reason, Comcast decided to turn it off. I hate them.

I feel like... a barbarian. I have to use the computer at school. Why? Why?

the suckers at Comcast - F

Friday, September 08, 2006

An Extended Summer Vacation

Wednesday was my first day of classes for the semester - but it was pretty anticlimactic. The overwhelming majority of professors at my university are on strike. Which means they're not having class until they get the contract they want. Which is crazy. Not "you professors are dumb" crazy, but "I can't believe I'm not having class" crazy.
I only have classes two days a week. The other three days, I'm going to be busting my ass at work. But because of this strike, and the fact that I only had one class on Wednesday, I feel like I'm still on vacation. I can't make myself get out of bed at a reasonable hour, and then I just lay around and watch ER reruns until noon and only after that's all done do I get my shit together for the day.
Getting into work by 9 AM isn't fully expected of me - yet - since I work in the nighttime, too, and really, no one expects me to work a thirteen-hour day. But damn! I'm a grown-up! I should be up by 8 at the latest!

Anyway, that's my story.

I'm kind of sad I didn't see this lady picketing. She looks awesome.

professors on strike, and the havoc it's wreaking on my sleep cycle - C+

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Project Runway

What a great challenge. Make something pretty, by hand, not out of garbage or with a matching accessory for a dog? Good move, Bravo. It was time for us to see our designers working like designers.

I think Uli should have won. Yes, she did what she always does, a long, flowy, halter-y number, but this one was sophisticated and subdued, and she did a lot of hand work. It was stunning. Jeff's dress (you can see it in the background) was awesome, but I think Uli edged him out. But what do I know?

I'm not disappointed that my prediction for the week (Kayne out) was wrong. Vincent just rode that crazy train a little too long, and it was TIME FOR HIM TO GO. Also, what was up with not following the theme of the challenge? Glue? Please. I'm sorry he cashed in his 401K, but his time on the show - and perhaps in the fashion industry altogether - is over.

I'm ashamed to admit that I'm looking forward to Laura's little meltdown next week. Can you imagine the pressure she's under coupled with the hormonal changes of pregnancy? She's got to be a wreck. And she needs to change up her look and style, before she goes home too early for doing the same things over and over. I'm still betting on Michael, Laura and Jeff, but Laura could be on the verge of going home. Hang in there, Laura!

Project Runway - A-

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Lay In Provisions

'Cause this one's gonna be long.

Labor Day weekend was a doozy. I won't bore you with the details of work - I'd rather jump to the good stuff. On Thursday, Nate asked me what my schedule was for the weekend, and I told him the Sunday was pretty much clear except for a half-hour meeting at work. When I asked why he wanted to know he said he was taking me on a date, but the destination would be a surprise. I said "A heels date, or a tennis shoes date?" He said a tennis shoes date, but that I had to get some exercise before we went. This meant the date would be either one of two things: strenuous and physical, or gluttonous and yummy.
It was the latter. Nate took me to the A&W in Dexter, because he heard that they made really good chili dogs. And I love chili dogs. We had chili dogs (foot long, of course), fries and onion rings, and icy cold mugs of A&W root beer. The chili dog was not the best I've ever had, but the anticipation of a surprise date, coupled with the fine accoutrements (damn good root beer!) made the whole experience worthwhile. Chili dog - B, surprise date - A+.
After the chili dogs (and some Dairy Queen for dessert), Nate and I decided to rent a couple movies. Usually, renting movies is a hassle. There are plenty of Helga movies, and plenty of Nate movies, but not too many Helga and Nate movies. This time, however, we lucked out. We started with The Matador, another movie we wanted to see in the theatre but were too poor to afford. This movie was great. I totally loved it. Pierce Brosnan plays his usual dashing character, but with a twist: he's an assassin! And he meets up with Greg Kinnear, a businessman who's on a trip to Mexico. Some hilarity with bite ensues. Later, the two reconnect, accompanied by Kinnear's wife, played by Hope Davis. She's amazing. The last movie I saw her in was American Splendor, and she's nothing like that character (thank God - she's so awkward in that one). She made me laugh out over and over. The Matador is fun and clever and I highly recommend it. And that's all I can say because I don't want to ruin anything for you. The Matador - A-
On Monday, we watched our other rental, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. I had heard a lot of good things about KKBB, particularly about Robert Downey, Jr. and Val Kilmer, but didn't really know the story. But I'm glad I made the move to rent it, because it was PHENOMENAL. If I had to classify it, I'd call it a "crime dramedy." That is, there are crime elements (and enough shooting to satisfy those of you who like their movies bloody), and there are drama elements, but sometimes, it's just really damn funny (that's "-edy" as in "comedy"). So, Val Kilmer's character is Perry? And he's gay? So they call him Gay Perry? That's funny. And for maybe the first time in his fabled career, Val is very, very good. Understated. Funny with some depth. And Robert Downey, Jr., who my mother once called the best actor of his generation, is perfect. Totally perfect. Being off the drugs helps, but I've never seen him better. And, as a bonus, he sings the song over the closing credits. If you haven't RDJ sing, check out this movie for that, because it's worth it. Again, don't want to give anything away, but this is a movie you have to see. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - A

That's my weekend.

overall Labor Day weekend - A

Monday, September 04, 2006


I can't believe that someone said that Steve Irwin's death was "untimely." I also can't believe that he didn't die a long time ago, eaten by some vicious creature. Not knowing him, I think this is the way he would have wanted to go - stung in the heart by a stingray while filming a special called "Ocean's Deadliest." We'll miss you, Steve.

Steve Irwin - B- (you know, I never really loved him, but he sure filled a naturific niche, didn't he?)

Saturday, September 02, 2006

V for Vendetta

Nate and I had been wanting to see V for Vendetta when it came out in the movie theater, but we're moviegoers on a budget, so instead we opted to see Slither (which, as you may recall, we loved). Nate's into movies adapted from comic books/graphic novels, and I've gotten into them, too, so there were high hopes for V for Vendetta, and a couple days ago, we finally rented it.

And it was fine. Certainly not the best movie I've seen recently, but also not the worst. Natalie Portman's accent was not awesome, but her character was pretty good. Stephen Rea was really good as the detective on the case, and Hugo Weaving as "V" was kind of amazing. I like actors who can do their thing behind a mask and still make something of their character.

Two things bothered me, and I can't get past them: there was footage of Baby Jessica being pulled from the well, circa 1986, but they used it as an image out of time to show how things had disintegrated in the US. I think it was a bad choice. That image is burned into my head as "Baby Jessica being pulled from the well," and I think a lot of other people remember it, too. They should have used some footage that's a little more vague. Also, the last ten minutes of the movie are totally cheesy. Cheesy music, cheesy sentimentality, cheesy camera shots, and a super super cheesy final speech from Miss Portman. Give me a break. Lay off the fromage.

V for Vendetta borders on being a thinking-man's action movie, but it doesn't quite get there - probably because there's not quite enough thinking or quite enough action.

V fof Vendetta - C+