Fondue

Last night I went to a fondue dinner party at Jjack's house - and it was simply delicious. Jjack and Mr. Jack did the fondue work while the Psych Boys and I did the prep work on the dippables. We had quite the spread - bread, apples, tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, red & green peppers, bagel bites, mushrooms, and the incredibly popular mini-toasts. Those mini-toasts were awesome - not exactly easy to spear with a fondue fork, but when used by fingers, the perfect mechanism to pick up cheese. And what good cheese! We used a classic three-cheese fondue recipe with Gruyere, Emmenthaler, and Appenzeller cheeses, with some nutmeg, white wine and garlic. So good. We ate it all.

Then, after a rest & digestion period, we had chocolate fondue for dessert, and it was delicious, too. Dippables for this round were strawberries, raspberries, bananas, pineapple, marshmallows, and (the group favorite) coconut macaroons. We didn't do quite so well with this one - there was quite a bit leftover in fondue pot, but since we had annihilated the cheese, we didn't feel too bad about it.

This was not my first fondue party, and hopefully not my last, either. I like foods that require any kind of dipping.

fondue - A- (points off for the sick feeling I had after eating all that cheese and chocolate)

Quarters

Why is is so hard to find a roll of quarters on the weekend? I asked at three different places who wouldn't give me quarters - and one of those places was a bank. Yes, a bank wouldn't give me quarters. She said they were out of quarters and hundreds. OK, so this bank was in Meijer. They should still have enough quarters to give people on the weekend, when they know that folks are doing laundry and will need those extra coins. Seriously!

the elusive quarter roll - C

Where the Rubber Meets the... Playground?

Nate and I went for a walk Tuesday evening, and ended up at the playground across the street from our apartment. Oh, what a good time. There was swinging and monkey bars and funny little knobby seat things that you had to balance on. It was tons of fun, I tell you.

Most importantly, the playground gave me my first experience with rubber mulch. At first glance, rubber mulch just looked like regular ol' wood chips - but when I jumped onto it, good Lord! It was springy! It was a super-weird sensation. It was fun to fall off the monkey bars and have the fall be cushioned. But why do we need cushioned falls at the playground? When I was a kid, my school playground was covered in loose gravel, which made for some awesome scrapes if you fell down, but I survived. Is it such a litigious culture that schools have to put down the equivalent of chopped-up rubber mats to protect the children, so parents don't sue if their kid gets a scraped elbow?

rubber wood chips - C

Nickelsuck

It is no secret that I don't like Nickelback. Never have, don't expect I ever will. The sound of Chad Kroeger's voice makes me cringe, and his face ain't much better. That song "Hero," from back in the Spiderman days? It was probably the best of their tunes, and it was dumb. They reached what I thought was their low point with that "If everyone cared, nobody'd die" song, with the meaningful video about Amnesty International and Nelson Mandela. While I appreciate the sentiment, the song was atrocious, and I thought it couldn't get any worse.

I was so wrong.

"I Want To Be A Rock Star" gets my vote for worst song of 2007. This song is terrible. I understand that it's a send-up of celebrity "rock star" culture - I don't think Nickelback really wants to have a drug dealer on speed dial, or lip sync all their songs so they don't mess them up - but it doesn't work for me. It's not clever. The music sounds like so many of their other songs, and the lyrics are really, really bad (and don't forget, Chad Kroeger's voice). But the video puts me over the edge. Random nobodies lip-sync their hearts in front of world monuments - OK, I get it, everyone wants to be a rock star. So why are Nelly Furtado, Wayne Gretzky, and Kid Rock in the video? They already ARE rock stars! Do they just love Nickelback and wanted to do something sweet with their favorite band? I hope not. But they don't need the money, so what could it be? You know what? It doesn't matter. It just furthers my point that Nickelback sucks.

Nickelback - F

Tragedy at Dior

Back in February, my fabulous theater hosted Oscar Night America (in case you've forgotten about my outfit, you can remind yourselves here), and my friend JJack and I managed to snag two swag bags. Included in said swag bags were fabulous gift certificates from Christian Dior for: a pampering mini-facial, an expert makeup application, a relaxing hand massage, and a deluxe sample. After months of procrastinating, JJack and I decided that the time was right to go to the super-swanky Somerset Collection to experience the wonder that is free stuff from the Dior counter. Sounds great, right?

Not so much.

I will only briefly mention the part where we decided to toss aside our Mapquest directions and, as JJack said, "let fate be our guide" - the end result of which was a 55 minute trip that took just over two hours. I will also only briefly mention the man who tried to give us directions to "the mall" (when Somerset is so much more than a mall) but only made us feel bad for not understanding that some cruise was taking place on a major thoroughfare and we would be hard pressed to get there from here. Thanks for nothin', buddy. When we finally arrived at Somerset, an hour late for our appointments, the fun really began.

No facial. No hand massage. No sample. Instead, we were treated to the fine experience of horrible makeovers. Here's a before picture:
(much before, actually, from back in January)
Don't we look happy? Don't we look normal? We were trying on wedding gowns, just for funzies, and that was not the best day because we had horrible customer service, but at least we looked normal. Alas, here is the after picture:






















Seriously? Drag queens. Or hookers, maybe. JJack appears to have a grand total of seven eyelashes per eye, as well as the most amazing purple eyeshadow and skin color that doesn't occur in nature (unless you're Tara Reid). I somehow manage to look mannish and whorish at the same time - there is eyeliner on UNDER MY EYELIDS. I didn't think that was possible. Also, my lips were super effed up - and the amount of lip liner I had on couldn't have helped. And don't get me started on Blaine and Svetlana, our makeup artists from hell. Blaine was incompetent, and Svetlana was Miss Popularity - she kept flitting off to help other customers with their purchases. She must've known that we weren't going to buy anything...

When we went to get a snack at California Pizza Kitchen after the debacle had ended, they sat us in the corner. No lie.

For Jjack's take on the whole situation, go here.

tragedy at Dior - D-

Cold Stone Creamery

In a world of mom-and-pop dairies that provide excellent customer service and top-notch product made with only the highest quality ingredients, it's nice to know that there's still room for mega-chain ice cream stores like Cold Stone Creamery. Now, Cold Stone is delicious, for sure. On Friday I had one of their Signature creations, the Oreo Overload, with sweet cream ice cream, chocolate chips, fudge, and lots of Oreos - and it was good. Really good! Nate had the Coffee Lovers Only, and while I did not sample his concoction, it looked super yummy. But here's where my beef comes in with Cold Stone (and I don't mean that literally - leave the meat ice cream to Top Chef): why so many choices, and why the singing? Choices: yes, people want lots of fun things in their fun ice cream, but at our wedding, we're having five kinds of ice cream, seven toppings to choose from, plus whipped cream and cherries - and if you can't make something you like out of that, then too bad! I think Cold Stone would be well-served to get rid of the Gummi Bears and Nestle Crunch bars. Singing: people, you do NOT need to sing every time you get a tip. You do NOT need to turn TV theme songs, campfire classics and hip-hop favorites into Cold Stone songs, with Cold Stone lyrics! When Nate was getting ready to leave his tip, I said "Can we leave them the tip with the instructions to not sing?" He said no, and we were serenaded with the Cold Stone version of "SpongeBob SquarePants." I just wanted ice cream, is all.

Cold Stone Creamery - B-

MAAAANGROOOOOMEEERRRRRRR!!!

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday in search of a wedding present for wedding #48 - and by the way, after looking through 19 pages of registry items and falling flat on two or three fun ideas, I gave up and just bought the coffee grinder - and I have decided that BB&B is full of crap. Literally. Don't get me wrong, they have good stuff, too, but they have a lot of shit that people don't really need, and this point is clearly illustrated by the MANGROOMER. From what I can tell, the MANGROOMER is an electric razor on a long-ass wand, so that a MAN can GROOM his own back. Genius, yes, but necessary? Not really, unless you're allergic to wax. But, for some reason, worthless as it is, I love the MANGROOMER. I think I really just love the name, and I love the manly black-and-red packaging. Beware, hairy men. I might fall victim to the appeal of things no one needs and get all of you MANGROOMERs for Christmas.

MANGROOMER - B+

Terrible Twos

My blog has been very, very bad - and I blame the terrible twos. You see, for my blog's first birthday, I made a big deal - hooray, I've been writing for a year! But ever since my blog turned two, back in late July, it's been harder and harder to think of things to write about. And trust me, I've done things! I moved, went to three states I'd never been to before, found out that someone I know is having a baby, maybe booked my wedding DJ, and got to hire my first new employee. But at the end of the day, I don't want to rehash all that stuff. I want to tell you about funny clothes I saw or good food I ate, or the perks and pitfalls of trying new toilet paper. Althought, while I was writing that last sentence, I thought of two topics that might work...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love this blog, and I hope you hang in there. Once my blog is done running around naked banging on pots & pans, I'll be back.

the terrible twos - D-

Headline of the Day

They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but who needs a picture with words like this?

Zsa Zsa Gabor's Husband is Found Naked and Handcuffed to His Car

Good times.

what you do on your own time - A+

Vera Bradley

I don't get it. Why are Vera Bradley duffels, makeup bags, garment bags and rolling suitcases so popular? I understand that the founders felt that there was a severe lack of "feminine luggage," but this is their answer? Quilted bags (that look like they're going to disintegrate at the hands of one burly bag handler) in slightly ridiculous patterns that look like my grandma made them. Why have they become status symbols - at least, among a certain set (I've never seen Britney or Lindsay with one)? I think they're super gross.

If you really want "feminine" luggage, here's my suggestion: go to TJMaxx, Marshall's, or Filene's Basement - not quite first-run, not quite resale - and check out their suitcases. If you can't find one in a bright lurid pink, you'll be sure to find something in a fruit or animal print pattern. And you won't look like you pulled Granny's ol' quilted dog carrier circa 1974 down from the attic.

Vera Bradley - D (points awarded for identifiability at the baggage return)

Super Junky Junk Food

I love junk food, and I'm not ashamed. I'm ashamed of my big fat belly, but not so much that I'll ever completely stop eating things like pizza rolls, nacho sauce from a can, and McDonald's french fries. However, I draw the line at Bosco Sticks. Bosco Sticks are basically hot dough with a hot cheesy center, and some "parmesan" sprinkled on top. Yes, they are delicious - I had a few Bosco Sticks in my day, and that first one right out of the warmer is heavenly. But seriously, Interlochen serves them in sets of three, and that third stick is enough to make a person barf. No one needs that many preservatives and cheese and "bread."

I write about these sticks because I had to go to Gordon Food Service three times this week, and every time I was there, someone was purchasing a case of Bosco Sticks. Which means that people take them home and just make them themselves, for a side dish, or perhaps a light snack.

You know what else I saw at Gordon's? POURABLE PEANUT BUTTER. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...

Bosco Sticks - D+
pourable peanut butter - D-
GFS - C- (major points awarded for convenience and the amount of kitchen supplies you can get, to counterbalance the points taken away for mass quantities of industrial food)

Running of the Doofuses

Why, oh, why did the worst injuries at this year's running of the bulls in Pamplona have to happen to Americans? The rest of the world already thinks we're obnoxious and stupid - and now we've proven it to them. Nice job, boys!

running of the bulls - C+ (kind of cool, but kind of dumb)

Tip, Please.

One of my new pet peeves is business establishments that don't accept tips on credit cards. I don't carry cash, and I pay for almost everything with my debit card. But I also like to tip manicurists and bagel preparers if they do a good job, and there are too many places around here that don't allow tips on credit cards. LAME!!! How am I supposed to reward good service if you don't take my plastic!?

no tips on credit - D (a few points because I guess in the long run I save a little money)

Overmilking

I like a lot of milk in my cereal. A lot of milk. Some might call it overmilking. I want every piece of cereal to be wet, not just the stuff at the bottom. However, I do like the very top layer of cereal to be crunchy when I first start eating. So there's a very specific cereal-to-milk ratio.

But I don't drink the milk at the end. This is wasteful, and my FH gets very annoyed. Every morning, when I pour the milk down the drain, he says "Wastrel!"

The only cereal I've found that holds up to my overmilking is Shredded Mini-Wheats. Sometimes I have to re-milk when I'm having SMWs - they're just so absorbent.

Also, when I was a little girl, my parents once made me have my cereal with Gatorade, because I had a cold and they were concerned about the effects of dairy on my breathing. Not a taste sensation.

overmilking - C+ (good for me, bad for cows)

OCD? Yes, Please!

There's got to be a word for people like me, who jump on an Internet craze and just go, well, crazy.

Here's a short list of Internet sites that I've been obsessed with:

Friendster
Neopets
match.com (this one worked out OK)
MySpace
Facebook
Blogger
other people's blogs
The Knot
Indiebride
Stardoll

And now, GoodReads. My friend Charlie (you may remember him as Chargenda) sent me a "friends request" for GoodReads today, and I am instantly obsessed with it. It's basically a social networking site for nerds - you review books you've read. There's a bit of a competition factor, I suppose - I want to review every book I've ever read EVER, so I have lots of books and people think I'm well read and cool.

If you want people to think you're cool and well read, go here. Start an account. Add me as a friend. And then we'll all read together.

GoodReads - A+

An Open Letter to Chorizo

Dear Chorizo,

It makes me sad to say this, but I feel I don't know who you are anymore. It's been so long since we've been together. I've forgotten how you smell, how you taste, the way you look longingly into my eyes on cold winter's nights. Why has this happened, Chorizo? And why do you send your "friends" to ask me how you are? There's this one guy, Anonymous, who keeps asking me about you. Doesn't he know that I don't know how you are? Why, Chorizo, why!?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it out on you. But seriously, I don't think I can go on like this much longer.
chorizo - I

(happy now, anonymous-whoever-you-are?)

Comfort Food

Frannie Farmer asked me to write about comfort food, and for me, this is an easy one. Long before I was working on my wedding, the best way for me to cure my blues was a Brides magazine and a bag of miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. The mini cups have the perfect peanut butter to chocolate ratio (MUCH better than the big ones), and part of the pleasure comes from the near-constant unwrapping. Just thinking about opening the little wrappers and popping the cup in my mouth, all while flipping through the pages of ads and flower arrangements, makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.
My other favorite comfort is Campbell's Nacho Cheese soup, heated to a fairly thick consistency, used as a dipping sauce for tortilla chips. I call this "nachos." It's not really nachos - those involve meat, beans, lettuce and numerous other toppings - but whenever I feel a little puny, I go to the grocery store, pick up a can of nachos, some milk (if I'm out) and some chips, and heat it up. And even though the after effects of my nachos and mini Reese's stay with me, on my hips and thighs, it's worth it.

mini Reese's - A-
nachos - A

Trilogies

Peach asked me to write about trilogies - and how can I say no to such a brilliant request? Although it seemed that Peach wanted me to comment on Pirates of the Carribean, Shrek, or Spiderman, and I haven't seen the third of any of 'em, so I have to leave them off. Sorry, Peach.

When looked at as a lump sum, trilogies are destined to fail. No movie can compare to its brothers - one is always going to be called "the worst of the three." However, when taken individually, the films that make up a trilogy can be considered some of the most entertaining out there. Here are my top five trilogy components:
5. Back to the Future - set up the whole thing - loved it!
4. Return of the Jedi - most people like Empire better, but I really dig those Ewoks, as well as the opening scene - when Han Solo says "I'm having delusions of... grandeur!", it gets me every time
3. Koyaanisqatsi - OK, I've never seen the whole thing, much less the whole trilogy, and I really only included this to be artsy and snobby, but the images and music are pretty outstanding
2. The Return of the King - oh, when little Hobbit sings that song during the battle sequence, I totally lose it
1. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - I. Love. This. Movie. I love everything about it.

And there you have it.

trilogies - B

She's Gonna Love You Long Time

Oh man, I am going to see Fergie tonight at the Fillmore Detroit, and I really hope she wets herself again!

free (for me) Fergie concert - B+

if Fergie pees her pants - A+!

Ice Cream

My good buddy Bethro asked me to write about either ice cream or coffee, and for me, the choice was easy. I LOVE ice cream. I have so many things to say about ice cream - and they just might fulfill some of the other requests people have made recently...

To begin, there is no choice but waffle cone. Sugar cones are fine if you're trying to watch your weight, but really, if you're that concerned about it, you shouldn't be eating ice cream in the first place! Waffle cones give a better ice cream to cone ratio, and the cone itself is much better than a sugar cone.

As for flavors... to each his own, I suppose, but I prefer the vanilla based options. Fruit flavors and actual ice cream don't go well together, I think - that's why you'll never see me eating peach ice cream or strawberry ice cream (toppings are a different story, but more on that later). I can eat the hell out of some chocolate chip cookie dough or Black Bear. In a pinch, a chocolate-based ice cream such as Bear Claw will do, and there's always Mint Chocolate Chip for an especially hot summer day. But nine times out of ten I eat vanilla-based ice creams. As for toppings, Hershey's Chocolate Syrup is far and away the best ever. Strawberries are good, and caramel is good, and other fresh fruit options are yummy, too. But I don't like those nasty things that harden when they hit the ice cream - Magic Shell? Gross.

One of the things that's NOT awesome about my new apartment is it's proximity to ice cream. Right now, I live two blocks from a delightful neighborhood ice cream shop, and I will miss it when I can't walk there. Also, since Nate shares my love for ice cream and neither of us really give a damn about wedding cake, we're planning on having an ice cream bar at the wedding. Several flavors, toppings, brownies, bananas, and maybe some Coke or root beer. YUM!!!

ice cream - B+

Interlochen

Meggie suggested I write about Interlochen (she also suggested I write about how much I miss her, but that'll have to wait a few days). For those that don't know, I used to work at Interlochen, an arts boarding school in the cold northern reaches of my great state. And although I can (and will) say many wonderful things about the place, I'll start with the bad stuff - because you know that's the fun part! These days, I call Interlochen "Crazylochen." There's something unnatural about a boarding school environment, not just for the students who attend school there, but for the poor saps who live in the dorm with the kids and are basically forced into being "friends" with their co-workers - because, let's face it, in the cold snowy woods surrounded by fifteen-year-olds, if you don't make friends with your co-workers, you're not going to have any friends. Also, because of the whole "I live where I work" thing, and the whole "I am surrounded by the same 19 adults all the time" thing, Crazylochen breeds some drama among its staff - just your basic, run-of-the-mill stuff, but you can't escape from it (did I mention that I lived where I worked?). Finally, and perhaps worst of all, in the short time I worked there, some unsavory characters worked there. Every year I was there, at least two people got fired for doing bad things with the kids - most drinking and general carousing. The environment is very appealing for young adults, and I think a lot of people had a difficult time being "grown-ups" when they were surrounded by teenagers.

It must be said that Crazylochen isn't ALL bad. For one thing, all that craziness and "forced friendship" can really draw people together - when you find the people you want to be friends with, you become really tight. Some of my nearest and dearest used to work with me at Interlochen - and while on some level we're all emotionally scarred by the experience, we were brought together because of it. Also, and this is the most important part, the kids are AMAZING. They are so talented. I know that some day, some new actor or writer or singer or painter will be winning all kinds of awards and I'll be able to day "She lived on my hall at Interlochen!" I miss it there sometimes - the energy with those artists around is awesome, even in the cold snowy hell that is February.

Interlochen - B

MTV vs. The Big Four

Yay for requests! I have things to write about, and although they're not necessarily by choice, they're good choices.
Christa asked me to write about MTV vs. network television, and I am more than happy to oblige. MTV and VH1 are great - in the morning. I watch videos to start my day, which is way better than morning news shows. No one in their right mind starts the day with stories about war, disease, job loss, weather, and "human interest"stories about spring fashions. PLEASE, PEOPLE! I'd like to make my official pitch to all of you to watch music videos in the morning. Take, for example, the latest Rihanna video for Umbrella. This video is great. Nate loves the choreography and I love the costumes. It's one of those videos that makes my day complete.

But at night? There's no contest - network television wins hands down. I abhor shows like Scarred and Punk'd and Run's House and shit like that. Nunh-unh! I need a scripted dramedy like Grey's Anatomy - or if it has to be reality, then make it talent-based reality like So You Think You Can Dance or American Idol, not personality-based reality like Survivor or any dating show. I'll admit that the VH1 rock docs are captivating, particularly Last Days of Left Eye (and VH1 tends to be sharper and classier than MTV anyway), but those documentaries are few and far between. And I can only watch countdown shows so often before my brain rots - I'm over I Love The '80s.

Final grades?
MTV/VH1: before 10 AM - A-, after 10 AM, D+
network television: before 10 AM, C-, after 10 AM, B+
Bravo: when Law and Order is on, C-, when everything else is on, A

meh.

I have many exciting things going on in my life. I am getting married in less than a year. I am moving into a new apartment in six weeks. I have recently taken on a lot of new responsibilities at work. And yet - I have nothing to say. I don't do anything worth blogging about. For one thing, I don't want to write about work, for fear that my boss might read my blog. The last thing I want is to lose my job because I write about work - didn't that happen to some people? I also don't want to write about my wedding. People don't need to read about my favors or placecards or any of that other stuff. And I don't want to write about my new apartment because I don't have any pictures.

Here's where you come in. I'm taking requests. I'll write about (and grade!) anything you ask me to. ANYTHING. So - what do you want me to write about?

taking requests - B- (could be sweet!)

Foul!

WARNING: this post is about things that smell bad. If you don't want to read about the things that I think smell bad, just stop reading now. I won't judge you. In fact, I'll never really know, right? So if you've just eaten, or if you have a weak stomach, come back in a few days and I promise you can read about puppies or puffy clouds or something innocuous.

OK... now that they're gone...

Good smells and bad smells are subjective. My brother likes the smell of gasoline, which, although not repulsive to me, is a little weird. Bradford pears, in flower? I think they smell like stale sex; a far-off skunk, however, is pleasant to me and evokes memories of summer nights spent with friends (a far-off skunk, mind you; nearby skunk is gross). Hot trash, sweaty teenagers, and vomit are among the top of my list of things that smells bad; clean hair and Thanksgiving dinner are probably my top two smells.

I've discovered what is, to me, the worst smell ever: the subtle combination of poo and toothpaste. Poo is in and of itself a bad smell - we can probably all agree to that - but when you mix poo and mint together, it is truly and wholly disgusting. Sometimes I can't brush my teeth at night if I've just utilized the bathroom for toilet matters, because the residual poo smell mixed with toothpaste makes me want to hurl, so I just forego clean teeth altogether. I'm telling you, it's naaaaaasty.

I also really hate the smell of baby wipes.

Tell me about smells - what are your likes and dislikes?

bad smells - F, obviously!

A New Vision

I got new glasses today! Wheeeee! I love them. They make me feel like Superman. See, they're sweet-ass blue on the outside - and red on the inside! Don't eff with me, my glasses are awesome! I might just have funky enough glasses to tool around the mean streets of Ann Arbor now. Can you see me, walking down State Street, popping by Michigan Book and Supply, maybe getting a latte at Amer's, in THESE babies? I think you can!



new glasses - A

Rollerblades

I totally saw a guy on rollerblades today. I didn't even know people still used (wore? rode?) those anymore.

Immediately after I saw the guy on rollerblades, I thought I saw a lady on a Segway, but it turns out that it was a lady on a bike with one of those rolling kid tents on the back.

Things on wheels are funny.

rollerblades - B+
rolling kid tents - B- (convenient, but weird)

An Open Letter to American Idol

Dear American Idol,

Why do you suck so hard? There was only really one acceptable outcome for the top two singers this season: Melinda and LaKisha, and yet you have forsaken them both. Why? Why? I will believe that is has to do with the teenybopper vote, silly twelve-year-olds who want "one of their own" (Jordin) or a super-cute boy (Blake, who's not really that cute aftet all) to be the next American Idol. I hate twelve-year-olds. Nut you, American Idol, you have to bear some blame. You know what Dancing with the Stars does? They give the judges' votes some weight, and those get COMBINED with the votes of the American public. Think about it.

I am sad and disheartened, AI. Of course, I'll be watching the season finale, to see which sub-par singer wins a recording contract and the title of American Idol, but I will be watching not with excitement but with resignation. Fine, AI. You win.

a Melinda- and LaKisha-free American Idol finale - D (points awarded because they'll probably both go the Jennifer Hudson route and make it just fine without being the American Idol winner, thankyouverymuch)

Another Reason Why I'm Going To Hell

I am not making fun of stutterers. Stuttering sucks. I am glad that I don't stutter, and I am happy when people (such as James Earl Jones!) can overcome their stutters and become non-impeded members of society.

But this is National Stuttering Awareness Week - and there's something really funny about that to me. It's similar to the ribbons that people wear for every cause, even causes most people have never heard of - so you've got to have a week to go along with every cause and every ribbon. Do the stutterers really need a NATIONAL awareness week? Do they even want people to be aware of them, or would they rather be ignored? At any rate, when I read an editorial in a newspaper that was blowing across the vestibule at work, and when I read that it was National Stuttering Awareness Week - I laughed. The end.

me, on the bus to Hell - F
saving seats for all my homies - A+!

Blogging Scared

"Famous" blogger Perez Hilton has been slapped with a 7.5 million dollar law suit that claims he's been using pictures without paying for them, costing a certain Hollywood photo agency millions of dollars in lost advertising. Or something like that. Law is a mystery to me.
But what's not a mystery to me is - I've been using pictures that I procured from various Internet resources for the almost two years I've been writing this blog. Now, I don't think anybody's going to come after me - much as I'd like to think so, my blog doesn't have a worldwide, millions-a-day readership. Perhaps more importantly, I don't have any ad space on my blog, and Perez was charging $9000-$16000 to place an ad on his blog (hence the photo agency's lost advertising dollars). Nonetheless, I'm a little concerned about procuring pictures from the Internet. When I started this blog, I asked my mentor Chargenda where he got his pictures. I love him, so I won't tell you exactly what he said, but I'll say that he encouraged me to use Google. And so I do. Almost every time I write, unless I use a picture that I took with my own camera.
What's the point in telling you this? I might start carrying my camera with me, so if I want to write a post about, say, a certain book, I'll have to take a picture of the book cover - but won't that be even shadier than procuring a picture from the Internet? I guess the other thing that could happen is I could ask all my readers to contribute to my legal defense fund. I don't have seven hundred dollars, much less seven million.

pictures from the Internet - A-
getting sued for using pictures from the Internet - D-
my chances of getting sued for using pictures from the Internet - 7,500,000:1

News from the HELL NO! Department

Have I ever told you how much I love pickles? I love 'em! Dill pickles are best, followed by sweet pickles, and I'll eat a bread-and-butter every now and then. One of my favorite snacks when I was a kid was dill pickles and chocolate cake, and one of my top five taste treats of all time is the deep fried pickle at the Hofbrau in Interlochen (dill pickle, wrapped in cheese, ham and a wonton, deep fried, served with ranch dressing - you can eat it once a month and then your arteries harden beyond repair). I put pickles on my burgers, in my tuna salad, on deli sammies, next to fried chicken; my FILs bring me a jar of Nathan's Pickles every time they come visit (because I can't find them around here). I effin' love pickles, OK?

But this? This is not OK.

Kool-Aid Pickles Are New Taste Sensation

By JOHN T. EDGE

The New York Times

GREENVILLE, Miss. (May 9) - A gallon jar of pickles sits near the register at Lee’s Washerette and Food Market, a mustard-colored cinder-block bunker on the western fringe of this Mississippi Delta town.

Those pickles were once mere dills. They were once green. Their exteriors remain pebbly, a reminder that long ago they began their lives on a farm, on the ground, as cucumbers.

But they now have an arresting color that combines green and garnet, and a bracing sour-sweet taste that they owe to a long marinade in cherry or tropical fruit or strawberry Kool-Aid.

Kool-Aid pickles violate tradition, maybe even propriety. Depending on your palate and perspective, they are either the worst thing to happen to pickles since plastic brining barrels or a brave new taste sensation to be celebrated.

The pickles have been spotted as far afield as Dallas and St. Louis, but their cult is thickest in the Delta region, among the black majority population. In the Delta, where they fetch between 50 cents and a dollar, Kool-Aid pickles have earned valued space next to such beloved snacks as pickled eggs and pigs’ feet at community fairs, convenience stores and filling stations. And as their appeal has widened, some people have seen a good business opportunity. Even the lawyers have gotten involved.

Children are the primary consumers, but a recent trip through the region revealed that the market for Kool-Aid pickles is maturing.

At Carver Upper Elementary School in Indianola, students in Jodi Sumner’s third-grade class have no reservations about the propriety of cucumbers flavored with vinegar and drink mix. When this writer, lugging a jar of tropical-fruit-flavored pickles, recently asked the 29 students who liked to eat Kool-Aid pickles, 29 hands shot up.

The names came fast: Ladarius, Fredericka and Kobreana, among others. So did the impressions: “It’s a candy pickle.” And “I like it the same as dipping hot Cheetos in ice cream.” And “Have you ever tried one with a watermelon Blow Pop?” followed by a pantomime of how the Blow Pop stick can be inserted so that the candy appears as a knob at one end of the pickle, allowing the eater to alternate between bites of sour-sweet pickle and licks of sweet-sour Blow Pop.

Nobody knows just who first decided that pickles would be improved by a bath in sugared drink mix, or when, but the invention seems to be of fairly recent provenance. Typically, Kool-Aid pickle fans were born some time after Bill Clinton moved into the White House.

Billie Williams, 56, a special-education teacher at Carver Elementary, never saw one when she was a child. But she did eat dill pickles impaled on peppermint sticks, and she remembers how friends sucked the juice from cut lemons through peppermint sticks repurposed as straws. “That’s the same kind of taste,” she said. “Same as how they used to dip pickle spears in dry Kool-Aid mix for that pucker.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Blah blah blah - the article goes on to give a general recipe for making Kool-Aid pickles at home, and closes with the mention of a store manager trying to patent the name Koolickle. I have a feeling that the word Koolickle will haunt my dreams for many nights to come.

Kool-Aid pickles - D- (don't knock it 'till you try it, I guess)

Kids

I had the luckiest day off EVER yesterday. My good buddy T-Mama called me to see if I ws free to have lunch - and I was! Yay! So me, T, and New Mama had lunch at Panera yesterday (Panera gets a B+. Everything was delicious). But today, I'm grading the tiny friends who came along for lunch. Because they're kids, and I didn't ask their parents for permission to put their pictures on the Infernet, I'll give them code names. Let's see... on the left, you have Ariel, and on the right, you have Jasmine. Right? Disney princesses? Works for me. Ariel is T-Mama's littlest, and she's hilarious. She definitely wants to be spoken to like a grown-up, so I always ask her the same question I ask everyone who I haven't seen in a while - How's your life? Yesterday, she nodded, and showed me her earrings. Jasmine is Ariel's friend. We'd never met before, but we were good buddies by the time our day was over. Ariel and Jasmine certainly kept us entertained, and they were VERY well behaved during lunch and at the scrapbook store afterwards. Five-year-olds - A-

But alas, Ariel and Jasmine couldn't compete with Peanut, New Mama's baby. This bun is still supposed to be in the oven - he was six weeks early, and he's a month old now... carry the one... right, he's supposed to cook for two more weeks, and he is just the littlest thing. Granted, he's not very interesting right now - he mostly just lays around - but every now and then his little arm would shoot up like he had a very important question to ask. Super cute (and before you ask, no, I'm not ready for a baby. I just like to hang out with them every now and then).
Peanut - A

mid-week day off - A+

The Host

When you have the option of numerous free movies, you sometimes think, Pah. I will see nothing. But every now and then, a Korean horror comedy comes along, and you think, You know, it's been a while since I've seen a good Korean horror comedy - I think I'll check this out. Such is the case with The Host. From the moment that poster went up in my lobby, I knew I had to see this movie. Tiny girl being taken by an enormous watery tentacle? For free? Bring it on!

The Host was fun. The creature effects were great - until the very end. I won't ruin it for you, but trust me, the last time we see the creature, it looks pretty dumb. As for the characters, the main characters were all great, but the supporting cast was worthless. And as far as Korean horror comedies go, it's by far the best one I've seen. But something was missing for me, something unexplainable. I didn't love The Host. I liked it, but I didn't love it. However, you should all add this to your Netflix queues, because something like this doesn't come around very often.

The Host - B

This Blog Is "Awesome"

Last night I ate at Senor Lopez. I don't like the name of this restaurant and will henceforth refer to it as Rancho Grande.
Rancho Grande might have the best Mexican food in Ann Arbor, but in general, A2 has really bad Mexican food, so Rancho Grande doesn't really score bonus points. What I did like about them was their menu. They erroneously used quotation marks around things that really didn't need them - for example, Rancho Grande serves "authentic" Mexican food. Does this mean it's not authentic? And how about the tamales, which are made with "pork?" This almost made me not order them, because if it's "pork," then there might be all kinds of other shit in there. There were lots of other bad quotations marks, too many to keep track of, but I think there was some "Mexican" food and a wish that we "enjoy our meal." Non-native speakers trying to be hip, or sarcastic bastards? I "don't know."

misplaced quotation marks - "C"

Oh No!

Taco Bell is going to remove trans fats from all their products! What am I going to do!? I think trans fats might be the best thing about Taco Bell. I am sure that they are where the delicious tastes come from. And by delicious, my friends, I mean DELICIOUS. I am a hold-out. I still love Taco Bell. I used to be able to eat Taco Bell three or four times a week; now, I can probably only eat it once a week, but I only actually eat it once a month. But man oh man, what I wouldn't give for an old-school Mexian pizza right now. You know what I'm talking about - when Mexican pizzas first came out, not only were they sliced into quarters (cheap bastards won't even do that anymore), but they were topped with a sprinkle of green onions and four little black olives - one per each quarter! Those were the good ol' days.

Taco Bell, don't take away all the trans fats. Leave 'em in the bean burrito, or the cinnamon twists. Give me something to hold onto.

bye bye trans fats - C+ (how can something be simultaneously so good for my body and so bad for my taste buds?)

A Year Ago Today

These happy people were wed one year ago today. When I called the groom this morning and asked "What are you guys going to do today?" he said:

We're going to get up, make some coffee, and eat our frozen wedding cake... and then I'm going to go buy an anniversary present.

Now that's love!

Happy Anniversary, kids! - A+

Everything Must Go!

While out on yet another shopping trip this weekend, I discovered that our friendly neighborhood Pier 1 was going out of business. Sad as it is (where will all the children buy their papasans?), I jumped at the chance to do some bargain shopping... but Pier 1 let me down. I suppose they shouldn't be blamed - after all, everyone wants to do a little bargain shopping - but pickin's were slim. I had hoped to get a few things to stock my gift supply kiosk - what, you didn't know that I aspire to be the lady who keeps a supply of gifts on hand just in case one is ever needed? Please! Anyone who loves gift wrap as much as I do knows that you should always have a stock of candles, coffee mugs and wine on hand so you can give a gift at a moment's notice. But alas, those decorative items were the first to go. There were some crazy pillows, and a few janky candles, and not much else. I managed to find a couple things for my FMIL, and if she doesn't like 'em, no big deal, because they were CHEAP! I also found a charming little picture frame that matches the decor of my living room. Good times.

SALE! SALE! - B

Shortbus

I saw some penises last night. I saw a whole bunch of other things, too. Shortbus is about sex, plain and simple. It's also about the complexities of relationships and being comfortable with yourself, but ultimately, it's about sex.

And I liked it! It seemed... real. I didn't feel like I was watching fake characters, but rather, real people having real problems (but not in a creepy voyeuristic way). It's starting to feel like every story has already been told, and everything now is just a new spin on the same old stuff, but Shortbus was refreshing and new and... real.

But don't watch it with your kids, and definitely don't watch it with your parents. There's a lot of thrusting that mixed generations shouldn't watch together. I got a little uncomfortable in one or two sections - and not in a tingly way - with all the sex that I was seeing, but the uncomfortableness would vanish right away with the next super-funny or poignant scene. Shortbus is one of those movies that you could probably go forever without seeing, but you'd be missing out.

Shortbus - B+

Bagel Bender

I have been on a bagel bender for the past two days. I had a delicious bagel for lunch yesterday, made my favorite special way, and TWO bagels on Sunday. I think I've had so many bagels in recent days because that first bagel, eaten Sunday afternoon, was kind of gross. A summary:
Bruegger's Bagels: whole wheat, with garden veggie cream cheese - not delicious. I asked the lady to tosat it, and she didn't, and the cream cheese was clumpy. Not spoiled, that's just the consistency of their cream cheese - more grainy than smooth. But it was vey disappointing (I'd give it a C-) and it did not satisfy my bagel craving.

So, Sunday night AND yesterday for lunch, I had my special bagel sandwich from Amer's Mediterranean Deli: honey wheat bagel, toasted, with low fat veggie cream cheese, add tomato, cucumber and avocado. YUMMERS (A, for sure). I might be able to eat it for lunch every day - and it's cheap, too! Less than three dollars (less than two dollars if you go in at 10:50 PM when they close at 11)! I'm done with bagels for now, but I'll probably be back next week.

bagel bender - B+

A Great and Terrible Beauty

Since I love young adult literature so much, it's usually one of the first things I check out when I go to the bookstore - and since the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants series so much, I usually start my YA trip in the authors-who-start-with-B secion. I've been looking at the cover of A Great and Terrible Beauty (by Libba BRAY) for a couple years, and I never bought it because it was a hardback - and unless it's Harry Potter or SOTTP, I won't by YA lit in hardback. But good news! AGATB is out in paperback now! I bought it about two weeks ago and devoured it - not because it's the best book I've ever read (more on that) but because I haven't read anything new in a while, and just wanted to get into a new story.

But this book wasn't awesome. It was entertaining, and I always enjoy a story centered around strong female characters, but the ending was ultra lame. I wanted there to be a big battle instead of a fading away - but fading away is what I got. Plus, how many books about English girls in India do there really need to be? Or English girls whose parents die? (Trust me, I'm not spoiling it for you). It was fun, and I suppose if I were 13 or 14, it would have knocked my socks off, but I'm 29, and it was just alright.

A Great and Terrible Beauty - B-

Braids

I have been wearing my hair in braids a lot recently. This is not an attempt to hold on to my lost youth (although I do think they make me look younger), but rather a chance at having a hair "style" that doesn't make me look crazy. See, I have a couple of hair problems. One is called fizz. It's different than frizz. Fizz is little baby hairs right around the hairline at my forehead, particularly on the right side. When I wear my hair in a ponytail or bun, the fizz escapes, no matter if I use gel, mousse, hairspray or a combination of the three. In fact, if I use too much product, the fizz bands together into a fizz clump, which is even worse than the fizzy fizz. My other hair problem is called can't-be-bothered. It's been established that I don't shower every day, and I need a hair style that lets me carry on my lazy ways - but as I said, fizz prevents me from sporting a cute bun. So, braids it has been for the past few weeks, and I think they look good. Sometimes I do a center part, and sometimes a side part. I do have to keep a close eye on my ponytail-holder supply, but I'm in good shape right now.

And that's my story about braids.

Braids - A-

The Namesake

The Namesake was lovely. I don't really identify with issues of cultural identity (I'm pretty much white), but it was a compelling story that even the whitest audience member could get into. I really cared about the characters and their issues and dilemmas, and even though I looked at my watch twice, I was never bored. And the rumors are true: it is a beautiful film. Excellent cinematography. Oscar worthy? Probably not, but it's a film for the whole family.

My friend Erin has a theory that everyone has an ethnic twin - you know, a person of an ethnicity other than their own who would look just like that person if they weren't black/Korean/Indian/etc. I didn't agree with her until I saw this movie. Kal Penn is the ethnic twin of a guy I "dated" one summer. Remember China Boy (he wasn't Chinese, just going to China for a year)? Wow, do they look alike or what?

The Namesake - B+

Blue Karaoke

AFTER we watched Peaceful Warrior, and AFTER we ate at Chipotle Burrito (and after we went shopping, too - we were busy little bees), we went to Blue Karaoke for a box karaoke birthday party. Nate's friend and his sister have the same birthday, seven years apart, and they've been wanting to do box karaoke for years, and they finally got their shit together - and it was awesome. Totally and completely awesome.

To start, we were greeted at the door by a very nice Korean lady - and a tiny white poodle with her ears and tail dyed GREEN. It was sort of like being in an anime cartoon. The NKL showed us to the Blueberry room, pictured here (all the rooms are named for fruits - those crazy Koreans!). Blueberry has two enormous leather couches, light-up tambourines, a light show, and tons of room for lounging on the floor (I got a couch spot, thank you very much). It also has the best karaoke background videos I've ever seen. All the women and a good portion of the men end up crying, there's always someone running and looking back in slow motion, the men get into fistfights, and sometimes there are dancing anime cartoons. Yay! What the song selection lacks, the videos more than make up for. It's weird to me that there was no country music, but whatever - there were plenty of '70s and '80s tunes, and we spanked 'em all. How do I know we spanked 'em? Because in box karaoke, you get scores. The karaoke machine scores you! How awesome is that? Everybody got an 80+ (except for the song that no one sang along to, which got somewhere in the 40s), lots of people got in the 90s, and two people got 100. Those performances were magical - simultaneously perfect and hilarious. And you can bring your own snacks! Nate's friends decided to have an Asian snack theme, with dried squid and Pocky. I'm not so much into dried squid, but the Pocky was delicious!

I'm thinking about a box karaoke bachelorette party, or maybe my 30th birthday.

One last thing - the building that currently houses Blue Karaoke used to be Ann Arbor's "spa." You know what I mean - a "spa" that's open from 6 PM-4 AM. Where you can get massages of many varieties. Somehow, that made the night even better.

Blue Karaoke - A+

Chipotle

Move over, Qdoba! There's a new burrito in town. Chipotle Mexican Grill (or as I like to call it, Chipotle Burrito) is just like Qdoba, only ridiculously good. As you may know, I love Mexican food. Bad Mexican food is better than no Mexican food, and I crave it all the time (I blame my upbringing in southwest Texas). Nate and I, on our friend's recommendation, ate at Chipotle Burrito on Saturday, and I was not disappointed. I ordered the carnitas burrito - they actually serve pork at this chain! - and for some reason, the lady making my burrito gave me the beef barbacoa, but I am so glad she did, because it was DELICIOUS. And the spicy salsa was really spicy - everything had flavor. The only really annoying thing was that people in line behind us cut into the seating area and put down coats, so we ended up sitting in "someone's seat" and they were annoyed. Well, that's what you get for being a snoot. Wait your turn in line, bitches.

Chipotle Burrito - A-

Peaceful Warrior

There's nothing better than a free movie. Nothing! Even when that movie is made up cheese, schlock, schmaltz, and fierce gymnastics. I'm talking about Peaceful Warrior, a movie you've never heard of and don't need to see at all. Nick Nolte is pretty much unbelievable as a Zen master warrior who trains a gymnastics star who's searching for meaning in life, as well as Olympic success. Just how did Nick get on top of that roof? We are led to believe that Nick's sheer mastery of his universe got him up there. Riiiiiight. And the gymnastics! I've got four words for you: slo-mo pommel horse sequence. Awesome! And yet, not.

Thanks to Nate's tai chi teacher, who got us a free pass, and Nate, who downloaded the other. Like I said, nothing's better than free... but sometimes, free isn't quite enough.

Peaceful Warrior - F