Oscar Wrap-Up

OK, I had to go back to the dark dots. Everything else sucked.

I didn't do so well in my Oscar picks - but then again, there were some surprises. I think if I had liked The Departed better, I might have picked it for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Picture, but that still would have only brought me up to 15, and I wouldn't have changed any of my other picks. Chargenda got 16, which means that he whupped my ass for the fifth year in a row - can I buy you dinner this weekend, Char?

But here's the scoop on the rest of my Oscar night. Since I got my big job promotion, I've been making a conscious effort to not talk about work, just in case anyone I work with comes across ol' naivehelga. However, in the case of OSCAR NIGHT AMERICA, I have to share some stories and pictures. We were the Michigan location for Oscar Night America, an officially-sanctioned Oscar party. Somewhere along the way, my boss thought it would be a good idea to have someone act as the fashion police - and since I'm such a gifted actress, he asked me to do it. OK, he forced me to do it. How can you say no when your boss asks you to do something so crazy? So. I was the fashion police. As you can see, I wore a "cop"uniform. I sort of look like a mechanic, or perhaps a bus driver, but that's cool. People loved me. By the end of the night, people were coming up to me asking me to write their friends tickets for fashion violations. And I hung out with the real cops, which was super fun. They thought I was hilarious. They're my new best friends.

Oscar Night: the event at work - A-; the event in Hollywood - B; my picks - C-

My Oscar Picks

I have one more shot for you to call me Miss Cleo - here are my final Oscar predictions. Last year, I only got 16 out of 24. I hope I do better this year.

ACTOR - LEADING
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland

ACTOR - SUPPORTING
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls

ACTRESS - LEADING
Helen Mirren, The Queen

ACTRESS - SUPPORTING
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

ANIMATED FEATURE
Cars

ART DIRECTION
Pan's Labyrinth

CINEMATOGRAPHY
Children of Men

COSTUME DESIGN
Marie Antoinette

DIRECTING
Martin Scorsese, The Departed

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
An Inconvenient Truth

DOCUMENTARY SHORT
Two Hands

FILM EDITING
Children of Men

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Pan's Labyrinth

MAKEUP
Pan's Labyrinth

ORIGINAL SCORE
The Queen

ORIGINAL SONG
"Our Town," Cars

BEST PICTURE
Little Miss Sunshine

SHORT FILM - ANIMATED
Lifted

SHORT FILM - LIVE ACTION
West Bank Story

SOUND EDITING
Letters from Iwo Jima

SOUND MIXING
Dreamgirls

VISUAL EFFECTS
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

SCREENPLAY - ADAPTED
Notes on a Scandal

SCREENPLAY - ORIGINAL
Little Miss Sunshine

Check back on Monday to see how I did.

my final Oscar picks - B- (I'm scared)

Grey's Anatomy

If you're a regular non-watcher of Grey's Anatomy, or if you're a regular watcher but have missed the last two episodes, you should probably just skip this post and come back tomorrow.

So - I have two theories, and I want to get them down before tonight in case one of them comes true. The first is that Meredith is actually going to die and the audience will be treated to the rest of the season/series with Mer as a ghost and the stories still told from her vantage point, but as an omniscient, omnipotent ethereal presence. I am really hoping this isn't the case, but it seems plausible. My second theory? Two words: Bobby Ewing. For those of you who didn't watch Dallas, viewers once spent an entire season thinking Bobby was dead, only to find out that THE WHOLE SEASON was his wife's dream. I think that, for Grey's, everything we've seen for almost the entire first episode, the whole second episode, and all but the last few minutes of tonight's episode will have taken place in Meredith's head while she was in the bathtub. For real. She just slipped into a daydream while she was soaking in the water. This seems like the kind of mean yet stupid thing writers would do.

If either of these story lines is what actually plays out, you may all start calling me Miss Cleo.

Grey's death (dream?) sequence story line - I (let's see what happens tonight)

New Blogger

Let me reiterate how much I don't like the "new" Blogger. My blog does not look exactly the same, and it is not easier to use. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging, but I'm going to look for a new template. Bye-bye dark dots.

new Blogger - D-

Masks

And we're back. Thanks for hanging in there. Here's a quick update on the very few things you've missed:

The Departed - B-
the new Blogger - D-
Six Feet Under, season 1 - A
Grey's Anatomy, season 1 - B+
Mr. Boddington greeting cards - A+

So - masks. They are probably the creepiest things on the planet (next to leeches, of course). I had to go to a costume shop today to look for some stuff for work, and all over the top shelf of this store were these super creepy rubber masks of famous people - and it was really weird and I had to get out of there as soon as I could. I saw a Ronald Reagan, a Lady Di and Prince Charles, and some generic Muslim bad guys, and all they were were blank rubber cases with eye holes and one fixed expression. And I bet they smell like condoms on the inside. Why would anyone want to wear a mask? Nasty McNasterson.

masks - D

Stay With Me...

Winston Churchill once said "Never, ever ever give up." Actually, he didn't - that's one of the most misquoted quotes in history. He actually said "never give in," but the sentiment's the same. Don't give up on me. I'm in the middle of a 58-hour work week, which leaves with no time to do anything worth writing about. So hang in there. I'll be back.

Winston Churchill - B+

The Illusionist

Well, The Illusionist is definitely not the best movie I've seen this year. It's entertaining, sure, but when compared to the other magic movie that came out in 2006, The Prestige, The Illusionist can't keep up. I didn't really care about the characters - so what if Ed and Jess wanted to be together but were kept apart by societal standards? Doesn't matter to me. Also, the film devices didn't move me. Same ol' story, period drama, inaccurate accents, fancy costumes, gas lighting - I've seen it before a hundred times. Most importantly, the magic, which should have been the best part of the movie, was sadly the worst. What was so great about The Prestige was all the tricks were explained. In this, so many things were left unexplained, which isn't what a moviegoer wants - they want the answers, dammit!

I did really enjoy Paul Giamatti's performance. I'm so used to seeing him as a bumbling Everyman, full of angst and depression, that seeing him portray a turn-of-the-century police inspector was really refreshing - and I think he might be a really good actor. Yay! He saved the movie.

The Illusionist is the sort of thing you can pick up at the video store when there's NOTHING else you want to see.

The Illusionist - C

WHAT!?

Apparently, Anna Nicole Smith died earlier today. And now there's going to be a media frenzy - TrimSpa, her son, her super-old husband, basically a re-hash of her tragic ridiculous life summed up by her tragic death. Every paper, TV show and website (oh yeah, and amateur blog) will have something to say about Anna. Poor thing.

I think the gay expat over at Boomtacular said it best: I'm wearing my Guess jeans at half-ass.

Anna Nicole - B

Fashion Week

Fashion Week seems kind of pointless without a Project Runway final runway challenge, but I came across a super awesome video last night while I was spending free time on the Internets. Every year for the last few years, there's been a fashion show comprised of celebrity models in multiple designers' clothes, but all the looks are red dresses. Why?

THE RED DRESS PROJECT

The Red Dress, the centerpiece of The Heart Truth, is a red alert that inspires women to take action to protect their heart health. The primary message driving The Heart Truth campaign is: "Heart Disease Doesn't Care What You Wear—It's the #1 Killer of Women."

Why a Red Dress?

The Red Dress was designed to build awareness that women are at risk for heart disease, and motivate them to take action to reduce their risk. As an icon, the Red Dress tested well with women across the country who cited its ability to get attention, convey the seriousness of heart disease, and change the perception that it is only a man's issue.

Back to Fashion Week - there's a new Heart Truth show every day at Fashion Week, with different models each time. The compilation video I saw yesterday features some downright bizarre "models" - Rachael Ray, Danica Patrick, Kelly Ripa, and the on-another-planet Betsey Johnson. But my favorite is Marlee Matlin. She starts plain enough, but turns it on when she reaches the end of the runway. Girl is fierce.

Watch the video here .

Marlee Matlin's next career - B+

Unbelievable in Seattle

Remember in Sleepless in Seattle when Tom Hanks tells his son that his dead wife used to be able to peel an apple in one long strip? And then later we see Meg Ryan doing the exact same thing?

That's horseshit! No one can peel an apple in one strip! I peeled four apples yesterday - I made a delightful apple crumble and it is super yummy - and not a single apple peel came off in one long strip. And trust me, I know how to peel. I've peeled a lot of things in my day: apples, potatoes, carrots, anything else that might need to be peeled, you name it. I'm a pro at peeling. And there is no way Meg or the dead wife peeled an apple in one long strip. It can't be done. And if it can, then it truly is magical and Tom and Meg were meant to be together.

one long strip - D+

Pan's Labyrinth

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Awards season is a very serious time. There's no messing around - if you decide to dedicate yourself to seeing as many Oscar nominees as possible, you have to be willing to see anything, whatever the cost, whatever the time, and no matter how many other movies you plan on seeing that weekend. That's why, on Friday night, Erika Stephanie and I (and our honeys) went to see Pan's Labyrinth. Even though we already had plans for a double feature on Sunday, we had to see PL while it was in town. So that's three theater movies in three days. We are machines.

I was scared to see Pan's Labyrinth. I had heard that it was creepy, and sort of gross, and sad. I also knew that there were some characters in big scary costumes. The only movie I could relate to this (in advance ) was The Dark Crystal, which really scared me when I was a kid. Thankfully, PL was way less scary than The Dark Crystal. Actually, it wasn't scary at all, but it was definitely violent. I was really surprised by the violence - some of it stylized, some of it historically accurate, but all of it really bloody and unsettling. No one needs to see a fairy get its head bit off by a big nasty humanoid with no eyes. No one. The trailers, ads and posters sort of imply that this might be a kids' movie. It's not. Don't take anyone under the age of twelve to see this.

The acting was superb, the storyline well-developed and the characters fantastic. And yes, it was a visual masterpiece. But overall, I didn't love it. I think I didn't like the intermingling of reality and fantasy - I'll watch a good fantasy, and of course I love realism, but mixing the two together isn't my favorite movie style.

Pan's Labyrinth - B-