Sunday, August 19, 2007

Tragedy at Dior

Back in February, my fabulous theater hosted Oscar Night America (in case you've forgotten about my outfit, you can remind yourselves here), and my friend JJack and I managed to snag two swag bags. Included in said swag bags were fabulous gift certificates from Christian Dior for: a pampering mini-facial, an expert makeup application, a relaxing hand massage, and a deluxe sample. After months of procrastinating, JJack and I decided that the time was right to go to the super-swanky Somerset Collection to experience the wonder that is free stuff from the Dior counter. Sounds great, right?

Not so much.

I will only briefly mention the part where we decided to toss aside our Mapquest directions and, as JJack said, "let fate be our guide" - the end result of which was a 55 minute trip that took just over two hours. I will also only briefly mention the man who tried to give us directions to "the mall" (when Somerset is so much more than a mall) but only made us feel bad for not understanding that some cruise was taking place on a major thoroughfare and we would be hard pressed to get there from here. Thanks for nothin', buddy. When we finally arrived at Somerset, an hour late for our appointments, the fun really began.

No facial. No hand massage. No sample. Instead, we were treated to the fine experience of horrible makeovers. Here's a before picture:
(much before, actually, from back in January)
Don't we look happy? Don't we look normal? We were trying on wedding gowns, just for funzies, and that was not the best day because we had horrible customer service, but at least we looked normal. Alas, here is the after picture:

Seriously? Drag queens. Or hookers, maybe. JJack appears to have a grand total of seven eyelashes per eye, as well as the most amazing purple eyeshadow and skin color that doesn't occur in nature (unless you're Tara Reid). I somehow manage to look mannish and whorish at the same time - there is eyeliner on UNDER MY EYELIDS. I didn't think that was possible. Also, my lips were super effed up - and the amount of lip liner I had on couldn't have helped. And don't get me started on Blaine and Svetlana, our makeup artists from hell. Blaine was incompetent, and Svetlana was Miss Popularity - she kept flitting off to help other customers with their purchases. She must've known that we weren't going to buy anything...

When we went to get a snack at California Pizza Kitchen after the debacle had ended, they sat us in the corner. No lie.

For Jjack's take on the whole situation, go here.

tragedy at Dior - D-


Ashley said...

Yeah, both pairs of eyelids are definitely out of control. A disappointing day at Dior. That is indeed a tragedy.

This further supports my fear of getting made over at makeup counters. I think this is another thing that I can avoid for a good long time.

Bethro said...

I share that fear of getting makeovers at make up counters. Another irrational fear (like collapsing bridges) come true!!

equippedtofascinate said...

What day were you at Somerset. I was there on Saturday.

Meggie said...

I found out today that I get done with finals on May 13th, fly home on the 14th, and my mom said anytime after that I can come up to TC! I think I might drive so I can go to Interlochen's graduation, too. Is that okay?
I can't believe I'm talking about the end of the school year and I'm still two weeks away from starting.

nate said...

At least they didn't sing while they were giving you the make over (under)... did they...

senor fuerte said...

"Some cruise" is the Woodward Dream Cruise. It is an annual event that attracts approximately 8 billion muscle cars and street rods from around the country, and if you go to Metro Detroit during it, you deserve exactly what you get. Doofus.

erika said...

i extend my sympathies on your dior tradegy and offer this: once, in north carolina, i went to the MAC counter to try some new eyeshadow. they had this beautiful purple-based holiday compact, but when the MAC consultant offered to apply it for me, i left looking like i had two black eyes.