Friday, June 23, 2006

The Lake House

I had a secret desire to see The Lake House, and thankfully, my friend Erika wanted to see it, too. The trailers just made it seem like something that had to be seen to be believed.


This movie sucks. Seriously. Do not go see this movie. The Lake House has jumped into my top five worst movies of all time list - in the spirit of pageant season, I'd say it might even be first runner-up, second only to Mars Attacks! I hate that movie.

I don't even know where to begin with how bad The Lake House is. It is so bad that it is laughable. Mostly, I just shook with silent laughter, because I'm a considerate moviegoer, but I did laugh out loud more than once. Keanu Reeves has to be the most wooden actor of any actor acting today. He was awful. And even though Sandra Bullock's sassy short haircut is adorable, she, too, was horrible. And the plot! So, she's living in 2006, and he's living in 2004... and he can interact with her in the "past," but she can't interact with him in the "future," so they write letters to each other that they leave in the mailbox at this lake house, where she lived in 2006, but he was the "next tenant" - two years EARLIER. Yes, it's insane. But somehow, they still get together in the end. How? SHE'S LIVING IN THE FUTURE! It is so ridiculous. And the dialogue! You'd think that the writer of one of the most brilliant plays written in the last ten years could adapt a screenplay, but David Auburn totally fucked this up. People do not talk the way they talk in this movie. And Christopher Plummer is in it. You'd think that he could save it, but he was right up there with Keanu and Sandy in the "bad acting" department. He probably did the best he could with what he had to work with. What else is bad? There's a chasing a train scene. There's a girl with daddy issues AND a boy with daddy issues. There's a dramatic death. There's a dog. Basically, as some wise men have been known to say, this movie is a shit sammy.

There is only one good thing about this movie: the lake house itself. It is gorgeous. It is a character unto itself and it saves the movie. It has a maple tree growing inside it (implausible, but beautiful). I wonder if it really exists somewhere.

The Lake House - D-

ps. Thanks to Scott for uploading a picture for me while I have picture issues. Scott, you get an A- for this task - next time, could the picture be a little bigger?


mama kay said...

I am sure I will regret it, but I stopped at "This movie sucks", because I really want to see it. I am sure I will come back with a "you told me so", but I just wanna see for myself :o)

patrick said...

Is there some law that says that Christopher Plummer must appear in any movie about "a love so strong it can unravel the space-time continuum?" Just asking.

equippedtofascinate said...

You gave me an A-? I was in a hurry. I didn't have time to look for more pictures.

Dustin J. Harder said...

awesome! My point gets proven time and time again...Keanu blows, and not in a make feel warm and giddy way...more like in a kick you in the crotch spit on your neck fantastic way. He sucks.

And I just love that you called her Sandy.

and I love you.

Senora Fuerte said...

Hey Dustin- Nice Rachel quote there. I think you are kick you in the crotch spit on your neck fantastic, too!

Ashlee said...

One good thing about this movie: My building is in it! Those opening scenes where you see the university building- that's my office. Also in C. Plumm's "school room." that's actually a corner of the library that is located directly above where I am sitting right now.

They were here filming last summer, where I ran into Keanu, literally. He's a lot shorter than I thought.

Of course I haven't seen the movie, but my mother called me, giddy as hell, saying, "Oh my god- I just saw your office!"

Chargenda said...

I like how your spoiler is in all caps.

L1 said...

They filmed a lot of scenes in Old Riverside, Illinois and my friend SB met Kneau, too, while she was out walking with toddlers and a baby in the stroller.

Her son's ball went right between Kneau's legs and her son dove between them to get it. He was very nice about the whole thing.

Same short comment, too, he apparently looks a lot taller on screen.

Supposedly they were going to use a house in the neighborhood as THE house, but they must have changed their mind.

None of the above makes the movie good. Sounds like a real stinker to me. Thank you for this valuable and time-saving publc service!