A Story About Soda

When I was a younger person, I drank a lot of Coke. When I became a slightly older person, I drank waaaaay too much Coke. Let me put it to you this way: at my prime, I was probably drinking up to 100 oz. of Coke a day (that's five 20-oz. bottles, for those who want to understand how such a thing is even possible). And sure, I was living a more "active lifestyle," but you can interpret that as dancing at frat parties. I drank a lot of Coke, OK? But not a lot of coffee. I only drank coffee at the truck stop, late at night (not a lot to do in my college town after 11 PM), with tons of cream and sugar. Mostly, thought, it was Coke.

One night, I went to hear my friend's band play, at a coffee shop, and I drank about six cups of coffee LOADED with cream and sugar. I know the sugar was bad, but I still believe the real culprit was the coffee, and its caffeine that I didn't know how to process because I only dealt with Coke caffeine. Long story short, I woke up at 2 in the morning convinced I was having a heart attack. My heart was RACING. It was super scary.

Well, this fateful day was right before Ash Wednesday, so I decided to give up Coke for Lent. Presbyterians don't necessarily give things up for Lent, but this seemed like a reasonable length of time that I could go without Coke.
Let me tell you what - I was MEAN as a snake for the first four days. Horrible headache, short temper, full of angst and woe. For four days... maybe a week. But after that, I was pure as the driven show. I didn't drink a Coke for all of Lent - 46 days if you count it the way I did. And by the end, I had lost not only 15 pounds, but the desire to drink Coke. Sure, I fell off the wagon a couple times (my year at Bennigan's was especially bad - they had those little cone cups in a dispenser so I could just get a shot of Coke), but the last time I actually drank a full cup of Coke was about five years ago, at a bar, because I didn't feel like drinking booze.  And it was bar gun Coke.  Which is WORSE.  It had some other soda remnants mixed in, and it was nasty.  Never again.  But sometimes, I just want an em-eff soft drink.  Which is where root beer comes in.  Oh, do I love root beer.  It is so delicious.

I think this is usually the point in the story where I talk about the dentist.  (full disclosure: I started writing this post about three years ago)  I didn't go to the dentist for seven years: the whole time I was in college, drinking all that Coke, plus one year after that when I still didn't have health insurance, plus one year when I DID have dental insurance but didn't have my act together enough to find a dentist.  When I finally went to the dentist, I had SEVEN CAVITIES.  That's one for every year I didn't go to the dentist.

The moral of the story here is watch your sugary soda intake.  And drink more coffee!

delicious icy cold Coke products - A
too many icy cold Coke products - D

hello again.

I hardly even know what a blog is anymore, in this world of Instagram and facebook status updates.  (seriously, Blogger doesn't even recognize Instagram as a word that's spelled correctly).  But I'm feeling nostalgic, so this happened.

I'm supposed to give something a grade, right?  SEE!?  Who am I!?

Oh, that's who I am.  A lady who didn't wash her hair before going on the radio, because hey, it's radio.  But look at how good my hair looks. 

showering every other day - A+

The Things I've Lost

Things in this life come and go. Some are items you treasure and will never, ever lose; others are so ephemeral you hardly even noticed you had them in the first place, much less when you got rid of them. But this list is about those things that fall solidly in the middle: things I noticed when I lost them and sometimes still lament their absence but am able to carry on without.
* sapphire ring, lost 1999. I bought myself this ring shortly after my college boyfriend & I broke up - I had hoped he would propose (oh, but in retrospect, how glad I am he didn't) and when instead we parted ways, I bought myself this antique sapphire & diamond ring to make myself feel better. Small, but still sort of extravagant for me. And I LOST the fucker. Lost it inside my washing machine. Couldn't retrieve it. At least, that's where I thing it was. I'm pretty sure I put it in my pocket once when I was washing my hands or something, and didn't notice it was gone, and then washed those jeans, and poof, no more ring.

* Clinique Black Honey lip gloss, lost October 25, 2008. Oh, I know EXACTLY where this lip gloss is. I was in a wedding, and all the girls had cute matching tote bags that we got as gifts from the bride, and my lip gloss ended up in someone else's bag. AND CLINIQUE DOESN'T MAKE IT ANYMORE. I loved this lip gloss and I am so sad that some other girl has it... and probably threw it away because ew, who wants to use some random lip gloss that somebody accidentally put in your bag? (sadly, my lip gloss wasn't the only part of that marriage to not last. ouch.) I tried to get it back, but no avail. Farewell, perfect lip gloss.

* work keys, lost January 2008. It's not like I didn't get another set when I realized I lost them;I just felt like a doofus for leaving my work keys in New York when I went there for a conference. I called the hotel, they said they didn't have them, but I swear, they have to be there. Although I sometimes expect to find them in a dark corner of the basement at work...

* dolphin necklace, lost July 1994. Again, I know exactly where I left my dolphin necklace: on Trent Thompson's boat. I asked him to bring it home with him, but he forgot, and then I forgot, and now I don't have that necklace. I probably wouldn't be wearing it these days anyway, but I treasured it at the time and would like to keep it in the junk jewelry box with all the other beaded necklaces and yarn bracelets from that time.

* copies of Barrel Fever and Naked, lost September 2004. I lent these books to someone I didn't know very well, with plenty of time for her to finish them before our temporary friendship came to an end (we were in a show together - trust me, those can be very intense friendships that die immediately upon the show closing). She forgot to bring them to me on the last day of the show, but we still had strike the next day, so I said I'd get them from her then. And then I skipped strike. Completely my fault, but I'm sad I don't have those books anymore.

material loss - C- (hey, I didn't really need any of that stuff anyway, right?)

Bottoms: A Log

Thursday August 25

12 AM-7:45 AM: orange & blue plaid pajama bottoms

8 AM-8:35 AM: pink running shorts (to wear whilst eating breakfast & drying hair)

8:35 AM-6:45 PM: brown striped skirt

6:45 PM-8:30 PM: pink running shorts again

8:30 PM-9:15 PM: jeans (walking the dog, to deter mosquitoes)

9:15 PM-11:15 PM: yoga pants (Pilates/TV watching)

11:15 PM and beyond: orange & blue plaid pajama bottoms

Daily total: 5 total bottoms, 6 changes

laundry - B-

Breakfast

I have an anecdote: when I was in college, one Saturday morning before a football game, pre-game marching band practice was cancelled because it was raining heavily. My friend Katie & I decided to go out for breakfast, since we had extra time to kill. But we couldn't make decisions on what we wanted, 'cause everything sounded good. So we ordered EVERYTHING. Biscuits & gravy, eggs, bacon, sausage, oatmeal, pancakes, hash browns, toast... OH MY GOD, SO MUCH FOOD. It was amazing. For about 15 minutes. And then we felt sick. I don't think I've ever eaten as much food in one sitting as I did that morning at Stoby's.

Breakfast isn't just the most important meal of the day, it's also my favorite. Maybe it's because I eat the same thing 9 days out of 10 (bowl of cereal, cup of coffee), but when I get the opportunity to make a delicious breakfast selection, I have a really hard time. Savory or sweet? Is meat involved? Are eggs? Can I (or the good cook who lives with me) prepare it at home? I am usually the last person to order when it's a restaurant breakfast meal, and more often than not, I make a snap decision... uhhh, BLUEBERRY PANCAKES! And even though I never regret my decision, I always look longingly across the table at the omelette/cinnamon roll/Eggs Benedict my dining mates have selected.

Breakfast - B+

Signs of Adulthood

I think I have a very grown-up refrigerator. We'll talk about the inside another time (but I'll leave you with a sneak preview: beer and Brie). Today, I'd like to talk you through the outside, and why I think it shows that I'm a grown-up. Cultural anthropology, here we come!

We'll start with the center dry erase board (and continue clockwise). If you look closely, you'll see a grocery list featuring butter and bullion cubes. Also, our rent amounts are listed, since it changes in a couple months. Although, in the spirit of full disclosure, all that stuff is old. Rent's going up again in August, and we bought that butter in April.

Moving on to the pig, chicken and lamb magnets. Those are from Alton Brown's cookbook. There's also a cow, who lives on the side of the fridge.

Baby birth announcements - a sure sign of grown-up-ness. My good friend's tot AND my niece are up there.

Please note the Barbra Streisand Hanukkah card. Babs, with angel wings and a halo, holding a menorah. And of course, the inside reads "Hello Gorgeous." Probably one of the best pieces of mail I've ever received, so on the fridge it went.

The center of the freezer also contains a graduation party announcement - if I don't put it there, I won't remember to go to that party.

Moving down to the refrigerator portion, you'll see artwork created by my two-year-old nephew... because kid art BELONGS on the fridge. Additionally, there's a copy of our Christmas card, because it was AWESOME and I like to look at it, and a coupon for Heartgard for Wash.

Moving back up to the freezer, you'll see more evidence that we own a dog: a Cairn Terrier magnet and emergency vet contact magnet are holding up a picture of Nate's friend's family. Aren't they cute?

Finally, you'll see an item I treasure: a note from Wash that appeared in my suitcase when I was walking in the Breast Cancer 3-Day a couple years ago. He's got his nose in the air, and the text reads "I NOSE YOU CAN DO IT!!!!" Wash is clever like that.

I really like my refrigerator. Somehow, it just feels right.

signs of adulthood - A-

I just made myself really sad.

... by re-reading my old blog posts.

I don't think any of you are still out there. Well, maybe Meggie. And maybe Lenette, because I think you get notified whenever I add a new post? That's cool. Technology is rad.

I have gotten by by saying "I write my blog in my head every day," or "I'm too busy living my life to take the time to document it." But I really, REALLY used to enjoy writing this little blog. It wasn't an effort, it wasn't forced, and people really seemed to like it - and I never pretended like it was for me! It was for my readers! Brightening your day, making you laugh, commenting on the absurdities of my day-to-day existence. I sort of miss that.

So once again, I turn over a new leaf. Fingers crossed it sticks this time.

Once More, With Feeling - a hopeful B+

I Get These People Confused:

Chazz Palminteri and Oliver Platt. Why? Why do you become the same person in my head? I saw somewhere that Chazz is playing Angie Harmon's dad in Rizzoli and Isles, and I thought, aren't they the same age? Turns out that Chazz is 20 years older than Angie, but only 8 years older than Oliver Platt... so I can't explain my confusion there. But really, these guys are totally interchangeable to me. I loved that movie The Impostors, but I couldn't tell you which one, Chazz or Oliver, was in this film (turns out it's Oliver."

This is almost as bad as Robert De Niro vs. Al Pacino.

celebrity doppelganagers - C

My Performing Arts Fix

When I was a kid, there were four ways to see singing and dancing on TV: the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Miss America, the Tony awards, and the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. And of the four, the telethon was my favorite (yes, more than Miss America, believe it or not, I was only rooting for Texas). It marked the end of summer, and while I loved summer vacation, I always looked forward to going back to school. It aired overnight, which meant that I got to stay up late (but not as late as my brother - I'm pretty sure he watched THE WHOLE TELETHON at least once). And the musical performances were so varied - I mean, Charo was on the telethon! And ventriloquists and plate spinners and singers and baton twirlers! I loved it. Really and truly loved it.
I remember the first time I gave money to MDA. I don't think I saved up my allowance - more likely, I asked my mom if I could give the money and she just took care of it. But I was five or six, and I called in, and somehow they misunderstood my name and I was announced on the air as Armando. I think I was pretty upset at the time.

Now, with American Idol and Glee and Dancing with the Stars and America's Got Talent and So You Think You Can Dance... I can't even tell you the last time I watch the telethon. Plus, didn't it used to be on every station at once? Now it's on some crap cable channel. Sorry, Jerry.

The Jerry Lewis MDA telethon, mid-80s - B+
the telethon now - C-

Weekend Fun

I know that most people use the weekend as a time to stay up late, then catch up on sleep by sleeping in on Saturday and/or Sunday morning. Well, I like to sleep in, for sure - but to me, there is no better way to spend a Friday night than crawling into bed with a good book at 9:30 and falling asleep by 10:15. I am telling you, going to bed early is my favorite part of the weekend. My bed is so comfy - and if I can pull off the perfect combination of freshly shaved legs and clean sheets, I am in heaven. Plus, the sleeping weather is PERFECT right now. It's a little chilly in the evening, about 55-60, so I can sleep with the window open but with the comforter on top of me and I don't get too sweaty.

I LOVE to sleep. And it's past my bedtime.

early to bed - A+
early to rise - D-

Emmys Recap

How 'bout that Jane Lynch!? I was rooting for her, all the while thinking no one else from the cast had a prayer of winning. Turns out I was right, but Jane! She was so cute! And some other people won awards, too.

There's your Emmy recap, folks!

Jane Lynch - A+

More About Books

Apparently this is not the first blog post I've written titled More About Books. Huh.

My book club decided to read 10-10-10 earlier this summer. Let me clarify: someone in the book club chose 10-10-10, and the rest of us had no choice but to read it. Well, I guess we had the choice to not read it, but that's kind of rude - and sure, some people chose to not read it and not attend book club that month. I, on the other hand, begrudginly decided to read this self-help book with a "life-transforming idea" even though I knew I couldn't attend book club. I've only read one other self-help book (Who Moved My Cheese? I'm pretty sure my dad gave it to me when I was in turmoil in college) so I figured I could give another one a shot.

And wouldn't you know it? It was OK. Not spectacular. I did like that it gave structure to making big life decisions - and even some smaller decisions - that ISN'T asking friends & family for advice, or something more elusive like "look into your heart." Suzy says that you just ask yourself "how is this going to play out ten minutes from now (immediately), 10 months from now (near future) and 10 years from now (distant future)?" And this makes total sense to me. Should I stay in my apartment or look for a house? Should I stay in my job or look for a new one? Should I eat those cookies? Etc. The framework is great - and super helpful. I've already used it a couple times.

But here's where it fails me - I can't live my life this way all the time. Those cookies I mentioned earlier? Here's how that plays out:
10 minutes from now - my mouth and my stomach will be so very happy.
10 months from now - I probably won't remember those cookies, and I might have gained a pound or two.
10 years from now - I will weigh over 200 pounds.
But I ate the cookies anyway. Because they were delicious.

The failure of the book was the examples. Suzy has a gazillion friends, all of whom have used 10-10-10 a number of times to great success. AND SHE TOLD US ABOUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. I got the point by page 50, and still had to slog through 100 more. This could have been a pamphlet instead of a book - but then, how would Suzy make any money?

10-10-10 - C+

What Does This MEAN!?

There's this song I hear on my radio station once a day - it's Bonnie Raitt's Thing Called Love. And in the song are these lyrics:

"I ain't no porcupine, take off your kid gloves."

WHAT!? Are you kidding me!?

Kid gloves are made of super soft leather, from young goats or sheep (ah yes, that's where "kid" comes in). They are a symbol of elegance and wealth -

AND SHOULD NEVER BE USED TO HANDLE A PORCUPINE!

Jeesh.

bad lyrics - C+

Plants vs. Zombies

You wanna know what I'm doing when I could otherwise be blogging?

PLAYING PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES.

I love this game so hard. I played on my friend's iPad one weekend, and had to have it. I think I bought it for my computer less than a week after that magical weekend of playing it non-stop on the iPad - but if I hadn't been able to find it for my PC, I was seriously considering buying a iPad. That is how much I love this game. It is also how addictive my personality is. It's a good thing I don't gamble.

PvZ is my kind of zombie game. It's cartoon-y and the plants have faces. It's the kind of zombie game you can feel good about letting your eight-year-old play, because there's no blood and gore - although limbs do fall off, and if you fail, a big screen pops up that reads:


So maybe that's not great for kids.

I am hoping that there's a second edition, because I've almost beaten the first PvZ. And I'll be jonesing before too long.

Plants vs. Zombies - A

Wow.

Remember when my blog was awesome? I'm doing some redecorating in my apartment, and I thought there was a digital version of a picture I wanted somewhere on my blog (there is, in this post), so I had to go back and look. And sure enough, my blog used to be awesome. AWESOME. But I can't tell you the last time by blog was awesome - 2008, maybe? And every time I try to turn over a new leaf (another new leaf), I blow it.
And let's not pretend that asking you, my faithful readers, for suggestions helps. Because it doesn't. I've already tried that.

So hang in there. One day, I'll become inspired again, and perhaps reestablish a little bit of awesome.

The good ol' days - A
by blog's current incarnation - D

Allergies

sneezing - A-

Miss Michigan

Miss Michigan 2010 took place last week, and in my role as executive director of a local teen pageant, I spent the entire week in Muskegon (right on the shores of Lake Michigan) wearing dresses and sparkly jewelry and lots of mascara. LOTS of mascara.
My favorite part of Miss Michigan week is... the gossip. I can't even apologize for it. I've found an amazing group of women who have taken me under their collective wing, and after each night's show (two night of preliminaries for the teens and misses, then a night of finals each) we sat around in our hotel room and dished about unfortunate choices in talent, swimsuit and evening gown.
And even if we didn't 100% agree every time, there were some ensembles that just couldn't be supported. You're just going to have to believe me on this one, friends, there were a couple gowns that NO ONE I know could get behind.
And my girl made top ten, and I'm so proud of her. That's her, playing the piano in her INCREDIBLE talent gown. (photo courtesy Evan Witek, The Muskegon Chronicle)

And now it's back to real life, where nothing shines quite as bright. But I do love my own bed.

Miss Michigan - A-

Welcome to Summer

Fuck you, Mia Michaels, how did you get to be so good? I love love love this piece. I cried while I was watching it last night.

And BIG UPS to the all stars. They feel like a reward for watching the show for the last four seasons.

the return of So You Think You Can Dance - A+

This Week on Glee!

I have been remiss in writing about my new favorite scripted television show, Glee. If you know anything about Glee, you have already assumed that I love it. It's got everything I love: hysterical teenagers, singing and dancing, and Jane Lynch. I really don't think there's anything that could make this show better - unless it's the addition of an episode dedicated to the genre I like to call Lesbian Acoustic: Indigo Girls, Dar Williams, Tori Amos etc. Although I'm not sure those lend themselves well to choreography. On to the spoilers!



So this week on Glee, Mr. Schu and the kids finally got their shit together and selected their songs for regionals - remember, Glee Club's continued existence is riding on them winning or placing. But Sue was a celebrity judge (along with a local news anchor, Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban) and was set to foil the Glee-sters. Nevertheless, they KILLED and were shoo-ins to win. And Quinn's mom had a change of heart and wanted to be her mom again - good thing, too, since Quinnie went into labor right there at regionals. And if you want to see what is quite possibly the most ridiculous montage in television history, watch Quinn giving birth while Vocal Adrenaline performs Bohemian Rhapsody. Awesome... sort of? Maybe?

Alas, even though Sue had a change of heart and decided that New Directions really were the top group, they didn't win. They didn't even place. I got a little teary when Brittany was still clutching Santana's hand even after they had announced the winner. Tears all around - the kids sang To Sir With Love to Mr. Schu. For real? You had to know that this song would be sung at some point this season; it's a miracle they held off this long. But it was nice to hear Matt & Mike actually speak - and for Mike to say "I was afraid to dance outside my bedroom" was a killer, too. Seriously, TEARY-EYED.

Long story short, even though Figgins had said they had to win or place for Glee Club to continue, he gave them another year to prove themselves. So another season of Glee is guaranteed! YAY!!!

Glee season finale - A-

Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven

Oh my God. OH MY GOD. This book was so good. I know that, practically speaking, every book is a page turner (unless you have a Kindle), but I finished this book in about 24 hours, and that includes about seven hours of sleep, during which time I WOKE UP THINKING ABOUT THIS BOOK. I contemplated getting out of bed to finish it, just so that I could know what happened. And I want to recommend it to everyone I know, and I've loaned it to my friend in New York and I'm contemplating buying an additional copy so that I can have a loaner copy and a stay-at-home copy. I only have two other books like that (and I'll send you five bucks if you can name them both).
Here's a description I found on GoodReads, which seems to be a version of the back-of-the-book description:
"In 1986, fresh out of college, Susan Gilman and her friend Claire yearned to do something daring and original that did not involve getting a job. Inspired by a place mat at the International House of Pancakes, they decided to embark on an ambitious trip around the globe, starting in the People's Republic of China. At that point, China had been open to independent travelers for roughly ten minutes. Armed only with the collected works of Nietzsche, an astrological love guide, and an arsenal of bravado, the two friends plunged into the dusty streets of Shanghai. Unsurprisingly, they quickly found themselves in over their heads. As they ventured off the map deep into Chinese territory, they were stripped of everything familiar and forced to confront their limitations amid culture shock and government surveillance. What began as a journey full of humor, eroticism, and enlightenment grew increasingly sinister-becoming a real-life international thriller that transformed them forever. Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven is a flat-out page-turner, an astonishing true story of hubris and redemption told with Gilman's trademark compassion, lyricism, and wit."

SEE!? Even the book jacket calls it a page turner! It was so, so good - and I finished it right before I got to select the book for my book club, so this is our July read. I'm going to be so disappointed if the ladies don't love it.

Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven - A+