Blue Nile

One of the best things about out-of-town guests is their desire to eat out. Last night, Nate, Meggie, Nate's mom and dad, Nate's friend Tony and I ate at The Blue Nile Ethiopian restaurant. I had eaten Ethiopian food once before, with Nate and Tony at this little place in Lansing, and it was super good, so we all suggested that the whole crew try it. Tony says Ethiopian food is like what they eat in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (although I thought they ate monkey brains in that movie, but whatever). There were no utensils - you use this thin spongy bread to sop up the food. Blue Nile gave us jasmine-scented hot washcloths to clean our hands before we ate, which was a really nice touch. We ordered the meat feast, which was delicious. My favorite part was the spicy red lentils, and I also liked the mild chicken. Everything was really good except for the potato/carrot dish; it was just too much like what comes on the side of pot roast, and had nothing interesting about it. For dessert, we had the tradition Ethiopian dessert of chocolate mousse in a white chocolate cup... what? It was good, but was it Ethiopian?

Blue Nile - A-

The New Face of Badgley Mischka?

Mary-Kate and Ashley look amazing, but aren't they a little short to be models? Good luck to Mark and James in working with the new proportions.

Mary-Kate and Ashley "working" for Badgley Mischka (like they need the money) - B

Godiva G Series

My little Meggie is visiting this weekend, and to show her thanks for the home stay and to have a little Mom celebration, she brought a box of Godiva G Series chocolates. Mad props to Meggie for bringing such an awesome host gift! Nate, Meggie and I had a chocolate tasting party last night - we cut most of the 15 pieces into three little pieces so we could each have a tiny taste of each of them (mad props to Nate for suggesting this idea). As you can kind of see from this picture, these chocolates are works of art - lots of them were hand painted, and all of them were "hand crafted." From top to bottom, left to right, the flavors were:
P.B. and Jam; Passion Orange; Tart Raspberry; Mexican Hot Chocolate; Tasmanian Honey; Praline Crunch; Bananas Foster; Palet d'Or; Tahitian Vanilla; Italian Espresso; Vermont Maple Walnut; Key Lime Pie; Salted Caramel; Apple Pie; Thai Coconut... jealous yet? They were all basically fabulous, but some more than others. I LOVED the Tart Raspberry and Key Lime Pie, while the Apple Pie and Tahitian Vanilla weren't chocolately enough. The more "traditional" flavors, like the raspberry, walnut and praline were superb, but the exotic ones like the orange and honey were just a little too over the top for my simple tastes. The tasting and commenting was super fun - Nate and Meggie are both foodies, so they knew what was good and why.
Sad to say, the G Series has been retired - I'm glad I got to know it while I had a chance.

Godiva G Series - A-

overheard:

the set-up: I'm walking behind these two girls, when suddenly a guy starts to walk past them.

Him - Cheryl?
Her - Christopher!?
Him - Hey, how's it going?
Her - Good, good! How's it going?
Him - Good!
pause
Her - So, what's up?
Him - Nothing! What's up with you?
Her - Nothing!
Him - Well, see ya!
Her - Yeah, see ya!
to girl #2, while walking away - That was my cousin!

And, scene.

LAMEST CONVERSATION EVER - D+ (points for sheer absurdity)

Cordless Razor

I saw a guy using one of these yesterday standing next to his car in the parking lot at school. And he was wearing full fatigues. It was truly bizarre. I didn't think people actually did that, but what do I know? At least he wan't using it while he was driving.

parking lot shaver - C+

Pets In Clothes

My friend Erika thinks pets in clothes are super creepy, but she's never seen Wombat in his fancy turtleneck. My future sister-in-law knit this for her parents' dog, and I think he looks like a champ. Notice the sassy orange stripe, mixed with the mottled sage green - very chic. Plus, he's a pretty little dog, and probably gets cold when those winds blow in off the ocean, so I think this sweater is perfect for when Wombat gets a chill.



Wombat - A-; Wombat in his sweater - A+

Project Runway - The FInal Three!

Kara is OUT. I'm a little sad about this, because she really started to grow on me, but ultimately the top three designers made it in to Fashion Week.

Which happened just last week, by the way. One of the things I love about Project Runway is that they have the last designer out still design a collection for Fashion Week, as a decoy. Doesn't Kara look great? I think it's so cute that she said "I'll be there on the front row," but really she was working her clothes on the runway. Yay for Kara!

So, Daniel, Chloe and Santino. Not sure how I feel about that. It was so obvious that Chloe did not "want it" - the other three all said it! Well, I'm sure she presented an outstanding collection. As for Santino, I'm sure his collection was awesome, too, but probably too gaudy, and his bitchiness probably didn't help things. I'm pulling for Daniel. A little 24 year old from Michigan winning Project Runway? Yes, please!

Project Runway - B+ - c'mon, you know it was sort of a filler episode... bring on Fashion Week!

I'm In Love, or Too Much Information

I have a secret - I have a penchant for African-American men. Well, African-American celebrities. My first celebrity crush was Denzel Washington on St. Elsewhere; a few years later, I fell for Blair Underwood on LA Law. In November, I fell head over heels in love with Jesse L. Martin - he has the most beautiful smile. Now I have a new favorite - Robin Szolkowy, the Olympic pairs figure skater from Germany. Why him, do you ask? Because of his ass. Robin has the most luscious ass I've ever seen. True, those figure skating costumes totally accentuate how wonderful it is, but he really does have a luscious melon ass. Look at those cheeks! They're like pillows made of muscle! I just want to squeeze them. Robin, if you ever need your butt squeezed (by someone who does NOT look like Christina Aguilera - what's up with that?), just give me a call and I can fill your butt-squeezing needs.

Robin's beautiful ass - A+

Grey's Anatomy Season 1

Curse the impulse buy! I was in Best Buy looking for a video game chair for Nate, and saw this little gem on sale for $16.95. I had to get it! I want to catch up on all the things I missed during the first season (which is basically everything, since I started watching about four episodes from the end). I'm pretty excited about it. Now, I shouldn't have even gone into Best Buy, since I already had a Valentine's Day present for the Nate-Dogg, but I did, and I left with something I wanted just a little but couldn't resist.
And I didn't buy the chair.

impulse buys - C+
Grey's Anatomy on DVD - A-

Transamerica

If you've seen Monster, starring Charlize Theron, or Unfaithful, starring Diane Lane, then you've seen Transamerica, starring Felicity Huffman. All three of these movies were only slightly better than average, but with phenomenal performances by their lead actresses. No way would any of these movies win the Best Picture Oscar, but the women are beyond great in each picture. You dig?
More about Transamerica: Felicity's makeup is perfectly awful... or awfully perfect. She does not look like a natural woman, and since that's the point, the makeup artists got it exactly right. In some scenes, she looks completely ridiculous, and I love that! Felicity is a force to be reckoned with. Her voice is different, her face is different, and even though at times she pulled out a couple staple Felicity hand mannerisms (watch a couple episodes of DH and look for her to wave her hands dismissively in front of her face), they worked for the character of Bree. There is one emotional scene that just ripped my heart out, then she transitioned right into a nude scene, and the few masculine things that she does are hilarious. Yowza. She did it all. Even though I still think Reese Witherspoon is going to win the Oscar, I want Felicity to win. Okay, so the movie was formulaic and trite, with some very typical road-trip, "I'm looking for my father", bizarre extended family story arcs, but Felicity kept it real. Well, as real as a woman playing a transgendered man can get.

Transamerica: movie as a whole - B; Felicity - A+

Inside Deep Throat

For those of you who are unaware of the existence of this little film, Inside Deep Throat is a documentary about the adult film that changed America, and the key players that made it the phenomenon it was and still is. This was a hell of a documentary. I knew so little about Deep Throat before, and now I feel like I understand some cultural references I was missing (that's one of my favorite feelings, when I "get" something). Did you know that the actual name of the male lead of Deep Throat is Harry Reems, and now he's a Christian real estate broker in Park City, Utah? Strange but true.

And yes, you actually see the deep throat performed. As someone who doesn't watch a lot of porn, I was amazed at what little Linda Lovelace could do. It was astounding.

Feeling adventurous? See this movie, but not with your kids or elderly relatives!

Inside Deep Throat - B+

Dick Cheney Shot A Guy!

OK, not on purpose or anything, but damn! You'd think that a guy who could shoot a quail could avoid shooting a person, right? Lucky for Harry (the millionaire attorney that Dick shot) that the veep is in kind of poor health, and has an ambulance on call, so he got some instant medical attention. Also, good thing they were shooting quail and not, oh, I don't know, elephants? 'Cause that probably would have really, really hurt.

Bad aim - F

Asparagus Pee

Nate and I had a delicious dinner last night: pork chops and mushrooms in a delicious Worcestshire/wine sauce, with asparagus on the side. The asparagus was super yummy, but about an hour after we ate, my pee stank like nobody's business - well, I guess it's YOUR business now. Seriously, asparagus pee is one of the nastiest things on Earth. Scientists have been debating the cause of the smell for years, and no conclusive evidence has been found. Some say it's the presence of methanethiol, some say it's sulfur, and some say it's metabolites. Whatever it is, it sure is gross.

Asparagus pee - D-

B School Follies

Last night, the Ross School of Business had their 20th anniversary Follies show at the theater where I work. To all the participants of the B School Follies, I say... don't quit your day job. Oh, they tried so hard, but it was just one inside joke after another, and the sweet audience made up of parents and professors laughed along as best they could, but it was really pretty painful. There was a tune from The Little Mermaid, with business school lyrics, "Wish I could be an MBA 2," and another one was to "Circle of Life" from the Lion King, but it was "Circle of MAP." What's MAP? Possibly the lowest point of the evening was the B School rap, set to "Lose Yourself" by Eminem; the "rapper" was this short Jewish guy, and the backup dancers had a distinct lack of rhythm.

B School, I applaud your efforts, I really do, but how about you stick to business stuff?

B School Follies - C- (points awarded for being comically bad)

Butter

Butter is good. I work pretty closely with lots of butter three to four times a week, in both solid and liquid form. The liquid is my favorite. At certain temperatures, the creaminess separates from the oiliness and THAT is the good stuff right there, my friends! You have never had popdorn if you hadn't had pure creamy liquid buuter and a dash of Parmesan cheese as popcorn topping. No wonder I weigh 529 pounds. Solid butter is fun, too. Formerly hot liquid butter, when cooled, will take the form of its container; in my case, that's usually a really big cup. The butter is so hot, I have to double-cup it so the butter doesn't burn my hands.
Sometimes I get grossed out by all the butter I experience in a day, but it's kind of interesting stuff, if you take the time to notice it.

Butter - B+

Project Runway

When you look at this picture, which designer makes you think, "Yep, that one will be the next to go?" Based on picture alone, Kara should have gone - she looks drunk and lame - but Nick was next in line. That vest is nasty.
So, I'm sad and pissed off that Nick is out, even though I realize the misstep he made with his gray-purple suit for Daniel. I agree with one of Chargenda's readers that Nick really peaked early on and hasn't been performing as well lately, but he really seemed to be everyone's favorite - everyone I know wanted him to win. Farewell, Nick - my new Barbie and I will miss you.
BUT... next week will be very, very exciting. I think that the four remaining designers have all made huge mistakes so far. Let's recap: Chloe has won two challenges, but some of her designs have fallen short, and she has problems with time management. Daniel has been seriously awesome for many weeks, but his outfit for Chloe was crazy bad, and he can't let that get him down. Kara struggled for a while at the beginning, but has started coming on strong; however, she seems like an an emotional basketcase and the pressure could get to her. And then there's Santino. He is SO erratic - one week good, the next week awful. He'll probably excel at an evening gown challenge, but if PR throws in a twist like they love to do, he might mess up for good. My hope is that they bring Nick back to help them sew, like they did with Robert during season 1... I'm just not ready to let Nick go!

Prooject Runway - this week, B-; the excitement of next week - A

Bad Beyonce!

My poor little car Beyonce has to get a new water pump and timing belt. This makes me very sad. For one thing, I love my car - she's been through a lot, like some long road trips and once a tree fell on her, but she keeps on truckin'. Also, I totally can't afford to pay for major car repairs right now, but of course I will be paying for them so I can get my car back. Finally, Nate and I don't do so great as a one-car family. We both have extracurricular activities and jobs that take place at almost the same time, but not close enough to be convenient for one person to drop off the other person. It's going to be a little messy and I'm pissed off.

Beyonce's ailments - D

Baby On Board

Oh, Britney. No one is going to believe that you were fleeing from a dangerous paparazzi situation - you look too serene for that. People who AREN'T being photographed all the time should put their babies in car seats, but you especially should, because PEOPLE WILL SEE!!!

Britney's child endangerment - D+

Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism

One of the most interesting things to happen while I was in Arkansas last week was Nate and I became high priest and priestess of a new religion called Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism. I never thought I'd see then day when I became anointed as a spiritual leader, but some things are destiny, I guess. Like all good religions, Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism has some key points for its practitioners to follow. They are:
1. Never trust a smiling dog.
2. No barking on Fremont.
3. Transcend dental medication.
4. All promises are adjustable in multimedia (or insert your own field of expertise here).
5. No sex in March.
Also, the icon of Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism is a wooden cat named Mr. Cat. I have never seen Mr. Cat, but I'm hoping he looks a little something like the cat you see here.
Now, I realize that Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism might seem strange, but I encourage you to look for the deeper meaning in the five key points. For example, #3, transcend dental medication, has its roots (no pun intended) in David, the founder and my cousin, not opting for a strong anesthetic when having oral surgery, just to save a little money. However, in hindsight, he should have paid the money to prevent the pain of surgery. Short term pain is far better than long term pain, hence "transcend dental medication." It's all metaphor, baby.

I hope I get some cool high priestess robes soon.

Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism - B+ (mostly because of the sex in March thing)

Back From Hiatus

As most of you know, after a long struggle with cancer, my mom Nell died last week. It's been a really tough time the past few days - and months and years - but we're pulling through pretty well. If you're interested, you can read Mom's obituary at legacy.com. I just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers... I have the best friends in the world!

Me, loving you - A!

Last Minute PIcks for Oscar Noms

UPDATE: I had an 87.5% success rate! I was five for five in Best Picture, Best Actor, and both screenplay categories, 4 for 5 in Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, and Director, and 3 for 5 in Best Supporting Actor - curse you, William Hurt!


In alphabetical order, with my runner-up dark horse listed last, here are my picks for the Big Eight:

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night and Good Luck
Munich
runner-up - Walk the Line

Best Actor
Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle and Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck
runner-up - Russell Crowe, Cinderella Man

Best Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Ziyi Zhang, Memoirs of a Geisha
runner-up - Keira Knightley, Pride and Prejudice

Best Supporting Actor
Don Cheadle, Crash
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Bob Hoskins, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
runner-up - Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug
Maria Bello, A History of Violence
Catherine Keener, Capote
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
runner-up - Frances McDormand, North Country

Best Director
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Paul Haggis, Crash
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Fernando Mireilles, The Constant Gardener
Steven Spielber, Munich
runner-up - Bennett Miller, Capote

Best Original Screenplay
Crash
Good Night and Good Luck
Match Point
The Squid and the Whale
Syriana
runner-up - Cinderella Man

Best Adapted Screenplay
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
The Constant Gardener
A History of Violence
Munich
runner-up - Shopgirl

Dandia Dhamaka

The Michigan Theater played host last night to Dandia Dhamaka, a collegiate Indian dance competition. It was insane. Think of it as the Indian version of coed competitive cheer: stunts, girls in the air, elaborate props, school pride, and wacky spliced music. The costumes were beautiful and the dancing was just amazing, but the fans and organizers were out of control, in differing ways. The organizers were NOT organized. They didn't know anything about having a show that would run smoothly, they ran so far behind schedule (the thing started half an hour late), and didn't really treat us theater employees very well. The fans were also kind of rude, and a lot of them were drunk and rowdy, and not in a good way. One of the guys I work with found limes in the bathroom sink after the show... tequila shots, anyone? Oh, and since the audience couldn't take food into the auditorium (something about fierce rivalry and th possibility of a food fight), almost no one bought concessions and we only made $2.50 in tips. While Dandia Dhamaka was very cool and interesting, it wasn't worth my while.

Dandia Dhamaka - C

Parthenon Restaurant

I have never had a gyro. Well, I think I had one at the Greek Festival in Saginaw when I was about 12, but it was so nasty I took one bite... and it's possible that it was something else authenticly Greek but prepared for a crowd of thousands. Anyway, Nate was pretty shocked that I'd never had a gyro, so he made it our mission to go to the Parthenon (corner of Main and Liberty, not in Greece) for gyros. I was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. The meat was really peppery, and was in these crazy long very thinly sliced strips, instead of chunks, which is what I was expecting, and there was a delightful yogurt sauce that added a nice cool flavor. Also, the pitas were excellent - thick and chewy. The Greek salad was the best I've ever had, and I love me some Greek salad. To the Parthenon, I say OPA!

Parthenon - B+

Attention YMCA Members

If we are in the locker room and I am naked, don't talk to me. Also, if we are in the locker room and YOU are naked, don't talk to me. I don't know you. Your personal naked time is not the opportunity to strike up a conversation on your theory of how people always choose lockers that are next to occupied lockers. Maybe that was your way of telling me that I shouldn't have been near you while you were naked, but how was I to know, when I couldn't look at your non-verbal communication because YOU WERE NAKED!? If our tooties and tatas are covered, then we can have a casual conversation, but if either one of us is nakie, then please, no talking.

conversations with naked strangers at the Y - C- (I guess if you're into it, it could be fun)

Rize

Holy shit, this movie was so awesome I don't think that anything I say about it will do it justice. It's the story of clowning and krumping, the "dance craze" that's going on in the ghettos of LA - if you have seen Madonna's "Hung Up" video, they're getting krump while they're at the bus stop. In fact, two of the girls heavily featured in the movie are in the Madonna video.
So there's Tommy the Clown and his Hip Hop Clown Academy and all the kids in that, and the krumpers like Dragon and Tight Eyez and Miss Prissy, and they have a showdown called the BattleZone, which is absolutely incredible. Miss Prissy is my new hero. She's not super pretty, but when she dances, you can't take your eyes off her... she is FIERCE. Look at her body! Or look at his body (I think that's Tight Eyez) - krumping's a good workout, apparently. Damn. So there's the dancing, but there's also the human side, with the awful background that some of these kids come from, and how krumping and clowning have helped them stay out of gangs and all the adversity they've overcome by having this creative outlet. I loved it. I know I've been giving lots of As recently, but I've been happy with things, and you can't really compare pickles to krumping. Get yourself a jar of Nathan's Pickles and watch Rize, and you will have a perfect night.

Rize - A

Project Karma

See what happens when you start messing with things? One thing's for certain, Heidi Klum is right: one week you're in, winning a design challenge, and the next week you're OUT. Bye bye, Zulema. The best model in the world couldn't have saved you.
But what's poor Daniel to do? Here are his choices: Rebecca, who's awesome and has been with him since episode two, or Tarah, who is super fierce, who got stolen from Nick at the worst possible time. I bet he sticks with Rebecca. Just to clarify, I love Rebecca, I think she's a fabulous model, but I hate to see Tarah go because stupid Zulema stole her away and then went OUT. Boo to Zu!

Project Runway - A, and good riddance to Zulema!

Alterna Caviar Shampoo

I got some of this Alterna Enzymetherapy Caviar Shampoo from Nate's mom during post-Christmas Christmas, and oooh, is it nice! It smells so good, and my hair feels all silky and smooth. I don't know what the fish eggs have to do with it, but they're working their magic for sure. As a bonus, it doesn't seem to be priced like caviar, if you know what I mean - about the same as other shampoos you would get at a salon, so that's more than you would pay at Walmart, but the goodness makes it totally worth it. If you can, try to wrangle it as a gift (by the way, thanks, Beth!)
If you're into new hair care products, you should definitely try this!

Caviar Shampoo - A

Nathan's Pickles

I love pickles so much. I could be a pickle taste tester, I think. I'm not a huge fan of bread and butter pickles, but my love for the dills makes up for it. My favorite snack when I was younger was pickles and chocolate cake, side by side, a bite of cake and then a bite of dill pickle (what this holds in store for any possible pregnancies, I can't even begin to imagine). As I matured, so did my taste in pickles - one of my most favorite taste treats is the deep fried pickle at the Hofbrau in Interlochen: a whole dill pickle wrapped in cheese, ham and a crispy wonton wrapper, deep fried, to make a sort of pickle Cordon Bleu. SO good. Well, I think I've found the perfect pickle, at the meat market in little Kingsley, Michigan. Nathan's Pickles claim to be from New York - I think they're a spin-off company of the hot dog guys - but they're made in Ohio and I can't find them anywhere but Kingsley. These pickles are perfection. If Heaven were crunchy with a lot of garlic, then these pickles would be Heaven. They are the ultimate compliment to any burger or sandwich item. Sure, they're a little pricey, $3.69 a jar, and I could probably knock off a jar in two or three days if I put my mind to it, but you can get pickles for more money that don't taste as good. I had three of them today, and the slightly sick feeling I have right now is totally worth it.

Nathan's Pickles - A

Ask Me About My Ranch

Someone mentioned this at work tonight, and I feel compelled to pass it along to you.

MANHATTAN, Kan. — Asked his opinion of the movie "Brokeback Mountain, President Bush hemmed and hawed.

"You would love it. You should check it out," a man in the audience told Bush Monday during a question and answer session at Kansas State University.

After some hesitation — and laughter in the audience — Bush said, "I'd be glad to talk about ranching, but I haven't seen the movie." The audience laughed some more, and Bush, who owns a ranch in Texas, allowed that, "I've heard about it."

"Brokeback Mountain" is a cowboy romance about two ranch-hand buddies who conceal a long homosexual affair from their families. The movie has won four Golden Globe prizes, including best picture honors in the drama category.

George's cultural awareness - A+!
my facetiousness - A+!

Ericka Dunlap, Miss America 2004

Now this is a great crowning shot!

There She Is...

Miss America 2006 is Miss Oklahoma Jennifer Berry. Yay for Oklahoma, but nay to Jennifer - doesn't she look all droopy-eyed and wonky in this picture? Not like "Oh my gosh, I never expected this and I'm about to cry;" more like "Pass the bong!" Maybe she needs a new plastic surgeon.

Jen's droopy eyes - C+

Chaos, Mayhem, and "Drunk Bumps"

My friend Josh once said that driving in a snowstorm was like driving in a video game, but in my opinion, it's like a really shitty awful video game. I made it three hours driving up to Nate's parents' house with no problem, but the last hour was terrible: I could barely see out my window and I went off the road - on both sides - and only found my way back on because I ran over those bump son the side of the road. Nate calls them drunk bumps; I like to call them "Wake up, asshole" bumps. To make matters worse, a little spot on my windshield iced up, right where my eyes look out. I had to hunch down all drug-dealer style to see out.

We made it, but there was treachery and yelling. Good thing there was post-Christmas Christmas to be had after we arrived!

Snowstorm road trip - D

More Info on the Colon Cleanse

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that you have to buy it online, either from Dr. Schulze's website or some other online herbal store. Don't worry, if your colon has waited this long, you can probably handle another week while you wait for your stuff to arrive.

It seems that a lot of people want to know more about my colon cleanse, and who am I to deny my public? As a disclaimer, this post might be a little disgusting - that's the nature of colons, I suppose - so if you're eating or feeling a little nauseated already, you might want to save this one for later in the day.
So, the colon. Did you know that the average American has between 6-10 pounds of impacted poo in their colon? And how many people do you know who have polyps or ass problems of some kind? Well, Nate and I are doing Dr. Schulze's Intestinal Formulas colon cleanse. We started with Formula 1, in pill form, comprised of things like aloe leaf, habanero pepper, garlic, barberry root bark, and a bunch of other roots and herbs to "get things moving." Basically, this is the part that gets you pooping. It will increase your bowel action and the amount of poop, and will change the consistency - your poo gets nice and soft. Then we moved on to Formula 2, this nasty black powder that mixes with water or fruit juice. This is where the magic happens. The combination of clay, apple pectin, and charcoal draws out the toxins that are in your colon and neutralizes them (ever watch ER? they give the overdosers charcoal). Meanwhile, you're supposed to be taking some of the pills at dinnertime, so you're pooping a lot and getting the badness out. The whole detox is supposed to take about two weeks. You can eat normally while you do the detox, but you should increase your water intake, just to keep things healthy and moving. Also, expect some gas. Here's a quote from Dr. Schulze's website: "Gas can be created when doing any deep bowel cleansing because intestinal and gastric fluids react with old, putrid fecal matter that is being lifted off the walls of the colon." Mmmm mmmm!
Here's where it gets nasty, friends. Seriously, you should really stop eating now. This is a picture of a five-foot long fecal casing. It's not a turd, but a poo lining. This is food sludge that hardened onto the inside of a guy's colon and bowel. Now, he didn't poop this out during his first colon cleanse; it happened after four or five of these two-week ordeals. Dr. Schulze estimates that this is 10-15 YEARS of backed-up fecal matter.
I'm feeling pretty good right now - I have the soft poop, but I haven't produced any tapeworms or whole French fries or anything, but I'm still in my first week. Maybe soon...
If you want more information, go to Dr. Schulze's website and look around. This is the page for the intestinal detox program, but he also has kidney detoxes and other stuff.
Hope that clears things up for you - I'll tell you how it turns out!

Is It Possible To Be Slightly Horrified?

While I was watching Project Runway this evening, I saw a commerical that shocked me in more ways than one. Orbitz, the online travel search site, has a commerical featuring gay men looking for a hotel. It goes a little something like this: "He's a travel editor, and he's got a new boyfriend! They need a hotel in San Francisco with a mini-bar and a gym.. go!" The guys proceed to look for hotels game-show style (you've probably all seen and Orbitz commercial, you know what I'm talking about) - the new couple wins, even though the new boyfriend is distracting the guy by playing with his ear. The travel editor shows his disgust in typical gay fashion, with a snappy head turn and "oh no you di'int" face. The couple jumps up and down and embraces. If you want to see the ad, go to Commercial Closet.
I am just stunned by this commercial. One on hand, good for Orbitz for showing gays in their commercials, and even better for them for devoting a whole section of their website to gay travel. Seriously, that is awesome. But why did they put the travel editor in a lavender shirt? Why is everyone looking for a hotel in San Francisco, with a mini-bar and a gym? Why does the travel editor look like Stanford Blatch from Sex and the City, and the couple look like Abercrombie and Fitch models? WHY are they showcasing stereotypes!?
Maybe it's not my place to be riled up about this, but I am. I really, really am. Watch the commerical and tell me if I'm overreacting.

Orbitz "gay-friendly" commerical - D-

Body Maintenance

Yesterday was a good day for a little body maintenance. I got a desperately needed haircut, using yet another coupon from the Newcomers Club - my hair's a little shorter than I wanted, but it really needed it to get the crazy differing lengths back to approximately the same length. My new hairdresser, Darlene, made a very astute observation: we wear our hair every day. Think about it. A good haircut is so much more important than new clothes!
I also joined the YMCA yesterday. The Ann Arbor Y is top-notch. The facility is brand new and really close to my apartment, and I need to do something about my flabby arms. I will try not to turn this into a blog about weight loss, but I'll keep you posted on my progress.
As some of you already know, I'm also doing a colon cleanse this week, and it's awesome. I won't share all the details with you, but I started with some pills, and now I've moved to the drink, which is a mixture of flax seed,apple pectin, slippery elm, and clay and charcoal. I expect to be slim and fabulous and have better skin, and a healthier colon, because of Dr. Schulze's Intestinal Formula. It's working so far - I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.

haircut - B+
YMCA - A
colon cleanse - B- (well, it's a little yucky!)

average body maintenance grade - B

Traffic Lights

How is it that traffic lights always know when you're in a hurry? Multiple times today I was on my way somewhere and hit about ninety percent of the red lights. It was completely ridiculous. There was also a firefighter's funeral somewhere in town and some streets were blocked off, but it was the traffic lights that foiled my attempts to get ANYWHERE on time today. When I have plenty of time to get where I'm going, I hit all the greens, but when I'm pressed for time, I hit all the reds. Why, traffic lights, why?

Traffic lights - D+

He's One Bad Mother...

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Man, I'm just talkin' about Pat.

Happy Birthday, brother.

Pat's birthday - A

Good Night, and Good Luck.

Oh George Clooney! My baby's all grown up! Remember when George played the delivery guy on The Facts of Life? Now he's a bigwig Hollywood director who's sure to get a couple Oscar nominations for this movie. Way to go, George!
Unfortunately, I wasn't as blown away by Good Night and Good Luck as I'd hoped to be. The problem with a movie with a "cast of thousands" is that it constantly takes you out of the movie - you're forever noticing the actors rather than the roles they're playing. At least, I am. Another hard thing for me, with my slightly bad hearing and short attention span, was the "newsroom" conversation style where everyone talks at the same time. I'm sure I missed some things. I think the lighting and cinematography were gorgeous, and the play back and forth between new footage of the actors and old footage of the real people was brilliant and wonderful, but as a whole the movie didn't live up to my expectations. Sure, it was great, but I wanted it to be more great.

Back to that "cast of thousands" thing - mad props to Tate Donovan, Ray Wise (the former Leland Palmer from "Twin Peaks"), and especially Alex Borstein from MadTV for being fantastic additions to this movie! I love Miss Swan, but I love seeing Alex in a real role even more.

Good Night, and Good Luck. - B

April 15th Is Only 3 Months Away!

Where are my tax forms? I am really surprised I haven't gotten them yet. I'm one of those weird people who likes doing their taxes, for two reasons: mine are incredibly easy, and I make next to nothing so I get a decent refund. Is it the fault of the IRS, the postal service, or my employers that I haven't gotten these forms yet?

Slow tax forms - C-

Housecleaning

It makes me sad to do it, but I had to remove Thoughts of a Wolverine from my blog list. Dear Andy, who probably has better things to do with his time than update a blog (plus, college football season is over), hasn't updated his blog in six weeks. In my book, that means you've stopped writing altogether. I'll check back with you in September, Andy.
So now I'm looking for a replacement. I'm considering several blogs to add, but I'll take any and all suggestions and nominations. Be on the lookout for a new blog link soon!

saying goodbye to Andy's blog - C-
possibly adding a fabulous new blog - A

Putting Out Fires with Leonardo DiCaprio

Have you ever noticed that Leonardo DiCaprio is always wet in movies? Let's review:
What's Eating Gilbert Grape - wet, bathtub; The Basketball Diaries - wet, rain; Titanic - wet, ocean; Romeo and Juliet - wet, rain and pool; The Beach - I'm assuming wet, ocean; The Aviator - wet, shower

There are many others, sure, but these are the ones I know for sure. If you can confirm or deny a wet Leo in any of his other movies, let me know.

So what's this all about? My theory is that his floppy hair looks good wet, and little drops of water glistening on his eyelashes only enhance his pretty eyes even more. Leo, we know you love the water, but stay dry or you'll catch cold.

Wet Leo: look - A-, annoyance level (for him and me) - C+

Project Runway

This episode was so tense. I thought for sure that Santino and Nick were going home. Poor Nick. He didn't even want to be partners with Santino, and it almost cost him his place on the show. I think Nick needs to cut Santino loose and stop being his buddy. He's only bringing Nick down! Their design was atrocious. I think all the judges had decided that it was time for Marla to go home and Diana got taken along with her. Really, it was time for Marla to go, but Santino and Nick got very lucky.
I'm changing my predictions for my final three - it's going to be Nick, Chloe and Daniel V. Santino will be #4. He won't compromise his design aesthetic to please the customer, and it's going to bite him in the ass eventually. Daniel V. sure is doing a great job, though. He's won two design challenges, he seems like a fun, easy-going guy, and he's cute, too!

Project Runway - B (it was good, but I almost had an anxiety attack when I thought Nick was off the show)

Girbaud Jeans

I totally saw a guy wearing Girbaud jeans today! I haven't seen a pair of Girbaud jeans since about 1991. I was very excited. He only could have been cooler if he had also been wearing a Hypercolor t-shirt.


Girbaud jeans - A+!

Hilary and Chad Split

That's what she gets for forgetting him at the Oscars. People in the know seem to think that they will make it through this "tough time," but I have my doubts. Rob Lowe's brother and the Next Karate Kid? Not a match made in heaven. Her bubbies sure do look delicious in this picture, though. Is Chad even looking in her eyes?

Hilary and Chad's split - C
Hilary's lovely breasts - A

Brokeback Mountain

It was really, really good. Probably one of the best movies I've seen this year (by year, I mean awards year, since the last Oscars). First of all, the cinematograpy was outstanding. You really get a sense of the loneliness of these two guys simply based on the landscape. Brokeback Mountain will most certainly win the best cinematography Oscar. Also, the music was wonderful - simple and slightly haunting, and perfectly evocative again of the loneliness Ennis and Jack feel whether they're together or apart.
But you don't want to hear about the cinematography and music, you want to hear about the acting. Well, Heath Ledger was outstanding. He's totally deserving of all the accolades he's been getting. He's so reserved in this role that when he gets worked up, it's heartwrenching. Jake Gyllenhaal is also wonderful. He's got this spunky thing going on, so when he gets beaten down by life, it's wonderfully painful. And Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway are just superb. Everyone's been talking about the moment when Alma, Michelle's character, makes the disocvery about her husband, and in that moment, she took my breath away. She might be my new pick for Best Supporting Actress Oscar.
I hope that when you see this movie, you don't have a bad audience, like I did. I had some really shitty girls behind me, giggling through the sex scenes and laughing at inappropriate times; at the end, one girl actually said, "Was I the only one sitting there twiddling my thumbs wondering when this was going to be over?" Yes, yes you were, you stupid cow.

Brokeback Mountain - A