One of the most interesting things to happen while I was in Arkansas last week was Nate and I became high priest and priestess of a new religion called Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism. I never thought I'd see then day when I became anointed as a spiritual leader, but some things are destiny, I guess. Like all good religions, Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism has some key points for its practitioners to follow. They are:1. Never trust a smiling dog.
2. No barking on Fremont.
3. Transcend dental medication.
4. All promises are adjustable in multimedia (or insert your own field of expertise here).
5. No sex in March.
Also, the icon of Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism is a wooden cat named Mr. Cat. I have never seen Mr. Cat, but I'm hoping he looks a little something like the cat you see here.
Now, I realize that Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism might seem strange, but I encourage you to look for the deeper meaning in the five key points. For example, #3, transcend dental medication, has its roots (no pun intended) in David, the founder and my cousin, not opting for a strong anesthetic when having oral surgery, just to save a little money. However, in hindsight, he should have paid the money to prevent the pain of surgery. Short term pain is far better than long term pain, hence "transcend dental medication." It's all metaphor, baby.
I hope I get some cool high priestess robes soon.
Dave's Summer Zen Buddhism - B+ (mostly because of the sex in March thing)
5 comments:
And March is right around the conrer. Better do it tons now!
Is this David Haight? This sounds like something he would cook up. How does one become annointed?
It is indeed David Haight. It's easy to be anointed; just ask him. Make sure you set aside at least 90 minutes for the explanation. At least.
First off, a review before we mail off the Scarlet robes.
Drink some shine... no wait, wrong religion!
This is a VERY shallow religion, that can easily co-exist with what-ever God you pray to!
Its main purpose is to annoy door-to-door evangelists... something like this
(No, sorry, but Buddha is my main bud!)
1. Never trust a smiling dog.
(It probably just ate/chewed up something you loved!)
2. No barking on Fremont.
(Whining, without doing, is soooo boring!)
3. Transcend dental medication.
(When in doubt, always pay extra for general anesthesia. Short suffering is always preferable to long suffering!)
4. All promises are adjustable in multimedia (or insert your own field of expertise here. In other words, if it's not working, just stop doing it!).
5. No sex in March. (First proposed by the High Priestess Chicana, Evette Garcia, who had waaay too many birthdays in November and December, which left her broke!)
Closing Points to Consider:
That "You consanant-vowel-consonate-vowel boy pattern" is by me. Eh? Wot? I never pray to the Gods O' Grammar. Not enough brain cells left to ponder that!
And 90 minutes, why, just refer back to the second sentence above... that other religion!
Also, very nice kitty. The real one will appear to you in a divine e-mail, later, when the other icon appears... the roundtoit!
PS. Dave's Summer runs from the beginning of daylight savings until the end.. of daylight savings that is, when that other season, which I hate and cannot bring myself to speak of, appears!
no, Ashley, David my cousin, not Dave my former boyfriend.
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