Live Blog - American Idol

It's 7:58 PM. I have never live blogged before. I am secretly very nervous, but also really excited. Also, I've never watched a single of American Idol this season, so this could be awesome.

Oooh, pretty lights! Ryan Seacrest is doing his thing.
Welcome to the main event? Really? What is this, wrestling? Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuumblllllle!!!

The big stage is, in fact, big. It's the top twelve.
Showin' the judges some love! Ellen is wearing a big scarf. How cold do you think it is in that auditorium?

Time to look at the top twelve! Pretty dress on the girl in front. Some of these kids look really green. One of 'em looks like he's going to barf. Based on looks alone, I like the kid in the hipster glasses.

And it's the music of... The Stones! Seriously, I think I can only name one Rolling Stones song. No, two. I'm sorry, Pat. Apparently, they have timeless appeal. Oh, wait, three songs! Ryan says they are the greatest rock 'n' roll band in the world. I think U2 might have something to say about that.

Time for Michael's back-home story: music was his savior. Pretty sure I've heard this one before. Mike has a cute wife. I thought he might be gay. Oh well. Cute baby, though!
Mike is singing Miss You, which I have never heard of. And he starts with some high notes. Sing it, brother! OK, too many high notes. His mid-range is really nice, but those high notes have to stop. Mike has a nice voice, but I think he needs a little help with his styling - big chain around the neck AND a wallet chain. Not awesome. Pretty good performance, though.
Randy speaks - "yo" count: 1, "dog" count: 1. Randy thought it was good. Ellen thought it was amazing! Kara thought he delivered...
And Simon, in a gray cashmere sweater, thought it was a little corny and a little desperate. I'm telling you, it was the high notes! Damn, Mike is a big guy. I can see the former football player.
First Ryan/Simon altercation! Wow, Ryan is getting in Simon's face. Weird. Staged or legit?

8:11 PM - first commercial break! And... it's a Kris Allen commercial for Ford.

My neighbor is bringing us Indian takeout, to help pay back The Hubs for helping her move. I'm going to feel kind of bad when she shows up and wants to hang out and I'm eating and blogging at the same time. But she reads the blog (hi, Jennifer, thanks for dinner!), so I'm hoping that she appreciates the novelty and anxiety of this project.

8:16 - we're back!
Dede's mom can't watch her perform, she gets too nervous. Is this supposed to be charming? I think Dede is creepy.
Oh, it's spelled Didi! OK, even more creepy.
And I do not like Didi's voice. Randy might call it pitchy. The low notes are especially not good. Oh, wow, a LOT of it is pitchy. And she sang some song called Playing With Fire? Again, never heard of it. She definitely messed up the lyrics.
Randy speaks - 1 yo, 1 man, 1 dude. And he liked it.
Ellen says an amazing voice.
Kara says Didi attacked with intensity... Jennifer (back with the Indian food!) says she didn't like it.
Simon agrees. Also, I think Simon has on too much eyeliner. As well as bronzer... on his chest.
Ohhh, Didi's playing the "I'm not that sweet, I live in LA" card. Really, Didi? You had to go there? Ridiculous.

Time for Casey! Oh no, child of divorce. And he had surgery a lot when he was little and had a bad reaction to something? OK, slightly more compelling than the divorce thing (what do they think this is, Intervention?). Casey would be nothing without his family.
And yet again, a song I've never heard of. Casey's cute. And he can sing! but I think he's like a harder version of Kris Allen. I don't see him winning, it's too much like last year. But never underestimate the Idol voters. Clean cut does well.

Randy speaks: 1 "dog." Casey's back!
Ellen speaks: Casey's a heartthrob, but she's gay, and she loved him, too.
Kara says Casey's a rockstar. Casey showed his soul. Wow, sound bite much?
Simon said it was like an audition performance, and not incredible. But that he's a good artist, and there needs to be more... just be a star.

Ryan Seacrest is SHORT. Shorty McShortpants made some weird comment about Ellen being a natural blond.

Commercial break: 8:29 PM.

And we're back. I missed Lacey Brown, because I was eating dinner, but long story short, she kind of sucks. And she started singing in church. Don't they all?

Andrew Garcia: you're the one I wanted to love, with your chubby face and your cute glasses, but not only do you have the most trite life story, you weren't very good. I can't even keep track of Randy's dogs, yos, mans and dudes. Ellen loved it, of course. Kara wanted more intensity (sort of like that scene in Lost in Translation). She wants to make him better. Passionate. Not angry. Kara, just stop talking. Simon bets it was better in rehearsal. Huh, Simon is actually saying constructive things.
Looks like Andrew is about as tall as Short McShortpants. www.celebheights.com says that Seacrest is 5' 7 3/4". I find that hard to believe.

Commercial break! Jennifer says "I wonder what Indians eat for breakfast. I'm so enamored of what they eat for lunch and dinner..."

8:54, and we're back! Katie (aka Pretty Dress) is on stage. She has kind of a wacky speaking voice - which bodes well for her singing. Yay! Sounds like she doesn't really know who the Stones are. Oh no, home video footage of her singing From This Moment On at a wedding when she was about eight! I feel for you, Katie. Love her necklace. She's sitting on a stool, singing some ballad... for real, what are these songs!? I have company here, I don't have the volume turned up super loud, so I can't hear what Seacrest says... oh, it's Wild Horses. OK. Nate would say too much wankery. These songs should just stand on their own, they don't need all this embellishment.
Randy speaks: 2 yos, a little pitchy. Jennifer interprets that to be a little boring.
Ellen says pitchy, but then amazing. Ellen, pick a new adjective.
Kara says it's never perfect, but that it was better than last week. Um, thanks?
Simon and his eyeliner say it was a good song choice, but that the emotion went out in the second half.

Commercial break at 9:00. One hour = six singers. So yeah, there's another hour of this shit. THIS is why I determined that I wouldn't be watching Idol this year.

OK, Nate just said "is anyone reading it?" Am I live blogging wrong? I'm going to publish this half and then just hit publish post periodically. So that it's a little more live.

Shorty is back, with another cute story. Tim is just so cute! He comes from a cute family, with cute drawings and game night and just the sweetest little face! He's singing Under My Thumb - if I had never heard of Jason Mraz, I would think this reggae-inspired versionwas adorable. But he's just a Jason Mraz wannabe! And he should smile more. It's awkward that he dropped his guitar - not literally, but he just stopped playing. Weird. I don't hate it, but it's not awesome. The judges' backs do not look enthused. Let's see what their fronts say:
Randy speaks - man, wow, he didn't get it.
Ellen didn't like it either! But in her Ellen way. She wasn't wowed. I'm just glad that she's not loving everything.
Kara is applauding him for doing something different... which is ridiculous! IT WAS JUST LIKE JASON MRAZ! Kara says he made it his own. Note: 9:10 PM is the first time all night I've heard "made it your own."
Simon says it didn't work. If only Tim weren't so CUTE, he'd totally go home, but see above mention of Casey - Idol voters LOVE clean-cut, cute boys, so I bet he's safe.

9:11 PM - commercial break...
hey, is that Phillip Banks shilling for Kaplan University? What up, Uncle Phil!? Say hi to Carlton for me!

9:15 - Siobhan Magnus from Barnstable, Mass. I LOVE her dad's accent. She has hipster glasses, too. She's singing Paint It Black. It's not bad - not perfect, maybe she's trying a little too hard, but...
OK, whoa. Crazy scream notes followed by the tones of an angel. Yowza. That was pretty sweet.
Randy said yo, and hot!
Ellen loves it, the way she looks, the way she sounds.
Kara loves it.
Simon loves it! Best interpretation of a song tonight.

OMG, 9:21 and another commercial. Stop the madness.

9:25. Six months ago, Lee was working at the paint store - AND NOW THIS. Again, Lee's a cute guy. Unless he SUCKS, he's going to make it pretty far. Lee is singing Beast of Burden. And the backing tracks sound like Muzak. For realz, I could hear this in an elevator. He does have a good voice, but those backing tracks are Aw. Ful.
Randy says dog, man, dude, and DOPE. And a yo to wrap things up.
Ellen liked it, but it was like a hospital gown: it almost came together, but not quite. That Ellen! Where does she come up with these things!?
Kara says tremendous growth.
Simon thinks Lee's personality is holding him back - he's got an incredibly good voice but he doesn't shine. Word to that, Simon. Ohhhh, this is the kid who looked like he was going to barf in the opening line-up!
Lee is only about as tall as Shorty McGee. They both have tall hair.

Commercial at 9:32. This is pretty tiresome.

Glee commercial! Tuesday April 13 after Idol! I can't wait!!! Seeing this commercial has made this whole experience worthwhile.

9:36 PM. Time for Paige Miles. Oh no, Paige's dad died when she was little, and she grew up singing in church. Paige is singing Honky Tonk Woman. A little awkward for a black girl. I'm just sayin'. But she's great! I wish she wasn't wearing leggings, but other than that, she looks good, too. I wish I had heard Paige sing something other than this...
Hold up. IS she wearing a ROMPER? Oh sweet lord, she IS. Better she gets it out of the way now, when there are definitely weaker singers, and she's not getting judged solely on her outfit. 'Cause girl, NO ONE should wear a romper.
Randy says man x2. He liked it.
Paige was struggling this week? She has laryngitis? Simon thinks she's better than this performance, but it was still pretty good. Um, Ryan is taller than page.

Next up: Aaron Kelly. Whose mother's name is Kelly. Kelly Kelly. And... stop right there. I will never be able to get past Kelly Kelly. I don't want to be cruel, and I hope Kelly Kelly never reads this - but oh, how sad. Kelly Kelly's son is adopted, so there's that. He is singing... I don't know, something with wankery. Benji? Jinji? Angie? Oh, Angie! Maybe Kelly Kelly's son needs to enunciate a little more. Nice clear voice, but I think he might be a weenie. Oh, he's young. There's going to be a voice change in Aaron's future, I think.

ARRRGH!!! I hit a button and all my comments about the judges went away. Damn. Well, they loved it. And after the break, the last singer... oh, but it's the longest break yet. How much do you think advertisers pay for a 60-second spot during the final Idol commercial break?

Hi Crystal. You look like little Jodie Foster. And your dad seems like a sweet guy. I wish you didn't have dreads. You Can't Always Get What You Want... and it is good. I can hear her singing on my favorite radio station.
Randy says: yo, oh yo! Man, he loves her, not his favorite, but he loves her.
Ellen concurs. Needs more personality. Stop thinking!
Kara concurs.
Simon says Crystal was the clear favorite, but this was the first time where she was beaten by someone, so she's gotta dig deep and KILL. Simon has been really pretty great tonight - not unkind, which is sort of a surprise.

The numbers one more time: Michael good, Didi weird, Casey good (and tall), Lacey pretty bad, Andrew uncomfortable, Katie not great, Tim cute but boring, Siobhan dramatic, Lee unexciting, Paige good, Aaron good, Crystal very good. If I were a voter, I would probably vote for Crystal and Paige.

Yikes, tomorrow will have David Cook, Orianthi AND Ke$ha? Is it a two-hour results show to kick off one person? Doesn't matter. I won't be watching. But, I will probably watch America's Next Top Model... and maybe I'll live blog it, too!