Those Crazy Catholics!

I just got back from singing at a Catholic wedding, and let me tell you, those Catholics are nutty! After singing the whole service, I had to get up and try to do a rousing rendition of Schubert's Ave Maria - after I'd already sung about 43 songs! Why does the hardest song have to come at the end?

And here's something else: do you think the Pope ever wakes up and goes, Holy shit, I'm the Pope?

Catholic weddings - B+

Hey Buddy!

My friend Graham just stopped by! I haven't seen him since last summer. And he reads my blog, so I told him I'd give him a shout-out. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of him, so I had to put up a picture of graham crackers - like he's never been called "Graham Cracker" before. Sorry, friend.

Graham crackers with peanut butter are good.

Graham - A!

Poor Little Lamb

Hang in there, Owen.

possible Wilson brother meltdown - D

Fondue

Last night I went to a fondue dinner party at Jjack's house - and it was simply delicious. Jjack and Mr. Jack did the fondue work while the Psych Boys and I did the prep work on the dippables. We had quite the spread - bread, apples, tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, red & green peppers, bagel bites, mushrooms, and the incredibly popular mini-toasts. Those mini-toasts were awesome - not exactly easy to spear with a fondue fork, but when used by fingers, the perfect mechanism to pick up cheese. And what good cheese! We used a classic three-cheese fondue recipe with Gruyere, Emmenthaler, and Appenzeller cheeses, with some nutmeg, white wine and garlic. So good. We ate it all.

Then, after a rest & digestion period, we had chocolate fondue for dessert, and it was delicious, too. Dippables for this round were strawberries, raspberries, bananas, pineapple, marshmallows, and (the group favorite) coconut macaroons. We didn't do quite so well with this one - there was quite a bit leftover in fondue pot, but since we had annihilated the cheese, we didn't feel too bad about it.

This was not my first fondue party, and hopefully not my last, either. I like foods that require any kind of dipping.

fondue - A- (points off for the sick feeling I had after eating all that cheese and chocolate)

Quarters

Why is is so hard to find a roll of quarters on the weekend? I asked at three different places who wouldn't give me quarters - and one of those places was a bank. Yes, a bank wouldn't give me quarters. She said they were out of quarters and hundreds. OK, so this bank was in Meijer. They should still have enough quarters to give people on the weekend, when they know that folks are doing laundry and will need those extra coins. Seriously!

the elusive quarter roll - C

Where the Rubber Meets the... Playground?

Nate and I went for a walk Tuesday evening, and ended up at the playground across the street from our apartment. Oh, what a good time. There was swinging and monkey bars and funny little knobby seat things that you had to balance on. It was tons of fun, I tell you.

Most importantly, the playground gave me my first experience with rubber mulch. At first glance, rubber mulch just looked like regular ol' wood chips - but when I jumped onto it, good Lord! It was springy! It was a super-weird sensation. It was fun to fall off the monkey bars and have the fall be cushioned. But why do we need cushioned falls at the playground? When I was a kid, my school playground was covered in loose gravel, which made for some awesome scrapes if you fell down, but I survived. Is it such a litigious culture that schools have to put down the equivalent of chopped-up rubber mats to protect the children, so parents don't sue if their kid gets a scraped elbow?

rubber wood chips - C

Nickelsuck

It is no secret that I don't like Nickelback. Never have, don't expect I ever will. The sound of Chad Kroeger's voice makes me cringe, and his face ain't much better. That song "Hero," from back in the Spiderman days? It was probably the best of their tunes, and it was dumb. They reached what I thought was their low point with that "If everyone cared, nobody'd die" song, with the meaningful video about Amnesty International and Nelson Mandela. While I appreciate the sentiment, the song was atrocious, and I thought it couldn't get any worse.

I was so wrong.

"I Want To Be A Rock Star" gets my vote for worst song of 2007. This song is terrible. I understand that it's a send-up of celebrity "rock star" culture - I don't think Nickelback really wants to have a drug dealer on speed dial, or lip sync all their songs so they don't mess them up - but it doesn't work for me. It's not clever. The music sounds like so many of their other songs, and the lyrics are really, really bad (and don't forget, Chad Kroeger's voice). But the video puts me over the edge. Random nobodies lip-sync their hearts in front of world monuments - OK, I get it, everyone wants to be a rock star. So why are Nelly Furtado, Wayne Gretzky, and Kid Rock in the video? They already ARE rock stars! Do they just love Nickelback and wanted to do something sweet with their favorite band? I hope not. But they don't need the money, so what could it be? You know what? It doesn't matter. It just furthers my point that Nickelback sucks.

Nickelback - F

Tragedy at Dior

Back in February, my fabulous theater hosted Oscar Night America (in case you've forgotten about my outfit, you can remind yourselves here), and my friend JJack and I managed to snag two swag bags. Included in said swag bags were fabulous gift certificates from Christian Dior for: a pampering mini-facial, an expert makeup application, a relaxing hand massage, and a deluxe sample. After months of procrastinating, JJack and I decided that the time was right to go to the super-swanky Somerset Collection to experience the wonder that is free stuff from the Dior counter. Sounds great, right?

Not so much.

I will only briefly mention the part where we decided to toss aside our Mapquest directions and, as JJack said, "let fate be our guide" - the end result of which was a 55 minute trip that took just over two hours. I will also only briefly mention the man who tried to give us directions to "the mall" (when Somerset is so much more than a mall) but only made us feel bad for not understanding that some cruise was taking place on a major thoroughfare and we would be hard pressed to get there from here. Thanks for nothin', buddy. When we finally arrived at Somerset, an hour late for our appointments, the fun really began.

No facial. No hand massage. No sample. Instead, we were treated to the fine experience of horrible makeovers. Here's a before picture:
(much before, actually, from back in January)
Don't we look happy? Don't we look normal? We were trying on wedding gowns, just for funzies, and that was not the best day because we had horrible customer service, but at least we looked normal. Alas, here is the after picture:






















Seriously? Drag queens. Or hookers, maybe. JJack appears to have a grand total of seven eyelashes per eye, as well as the most amazing purple eyeshadow and skin color that doesn't occur in nature (unless you're Tara Reid). I somehow manage to look mannish and whorish at the same time - there is eyeliner on UNDER MY EYELIDS. I didn't think that was possible. Also, my lips were super effed up - and the amount of lip liner I had on couldn't have helped. And don't get me started on Blaine and Svetlana, our makeup artists from hell. Blaine was incompetent, and Svetlana was Miss Popularity - she kept flitting off to help other customers with their purchases. She must've known that we weren't going to buy anything...

When we went to get a snack at California Pizza Kitchen after the debacle had ended, they sat us in the corner. No lie.

For Jjack's take on the whole situation, go here.

tragedy at Dior - D-

Cold Stone Creamery

In a world of mom-and-pop dairies that provide excellent customer service and top-notch product made with only the highest quality ingredients, it's nice to know that there's still room for mega-chain ice cream stores like Cold Stone Creamery. Now, Cold Stone is delicious, for sure. On Friday I had one of their Signature creations, the Oreo Overload, with sweet cream ice cream, chocolate chips, fudge, and lots of Oreos - and it was good. Really good! Nate had the Coffee Lovers Only, and while I did not sample his concoction, it looked super yummy. But here's where my beef comes in with Cold Stone (and I don't mean that literally - leave the meat ice cream to Top Chef): why so many choices, and why the singing? Choices: yes, people want lots of fun things in their fun ice cream, but at our wedding, we're having five kinds of ice cream, seven toppings to choose from, plus whipped cream and cherries - and if you can't make something you like out of that, then too bad! I think Cold Stone would be well-served to get rid of the Gummi Bears and Nestle Crunch bars. Singing: people, you do NOT need to sing every time you get a tip. You do NOT need to turn TV theme songs, campfire classics and hip-hop favorites into Cold Stone songs, with Cold Stone lyrics! When Nate was getting ready to leave his tip, I said "Can we leave them the tip with the instructions to not sing?" He said no, and we were serenaded with the Cold Stone version of "SpongeBob SquarePants." I just wanted ice cream, is all.

Cold Stone Creamery - B-

MAAAANGROOOOOMEEERRRRRRR!!!

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday in search of a wedding present for wedding #48 - and by the way, after looking through 19 pages of registry items and falling flat on two or three fun ideas, I gave up and just bought the coffee grinder - and I have decided that BB&B is full of crap. Literally. Don't get me wrong, they have good stuff, too, but they have a lot of shit that people don't really need, and this point is clearly illustrated by the MANGROOMER. From what I can tell, the MANGROOMER is an electric razor on a long-ass wand, so that a MAN can GROOM his own back. Genius, yes, but necessary? Not really, unless you're allergic to wax. But, for some reason, worthless as it is, I love the MANGROOMER. I think I really just love the name, and I love the manly black-and-red packaging. Beware, hairy men. I might fall victim to the appeal of things no one needs and get all of you MANGROOMERs for Christmas.

MANGROOMER - B+

Terrible Twos

My blog has been very, very bad - and I blame the terrible twos. You see, for my blog's first birthday, I made a big deal - hooray, I've been writing for a year! But ever since my blog turned two, back in late July, it's been harder and harder to think of things to write about. And trust me, I've done things! I moved, went to three states I'd never been to before, found out that someone I know is having a baby, maybe booked my wedding DJ, and got to hire my first new employee. But at the end of the day, I don't want to rehash all that stuff. I want to tell you about funny clothes I saw or good food I ate, or the perks and pitfalls of trying new toilet paper. Althought, while I was writing that last sentence, I thought of two topics that might work...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love this blog, and I hope you hang in there. Once my blog is done running around naked banging on pots & pans, I'll be back.

the terrible twos - D-

Headline of the Day

They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but who needs a picture with words like this?

Zsa Zsa Gabor's Husband is Found Naked and Handcuffed to His Car

Good times.

what you do on your own time - A+