My Work Boyfriend

I have a work boyfriend. I'll call him Mike, because that's not his name (although I work with two nice young men named Mike, but neither of them is my work boyfriend). I don't see Mike very often - he used to come to my building once every two weeks or so, but now it's more like once every six months. I am always very happy when I know that Mike is coming in. I usually try to look cuter on days when he's going to be there - I shower, I put on eyeliner, and try to wear one of the more flattering outfits from my closet. I like to think that I "sparkle" just a little bit brighter when he's around. And there's nothing wrong with that. Sparkling is good. It's fun to get my flirt on.

Does this mean I don't love my man? Not a chance. No one needs to be threatened by Mike. He's just a diversion. But I was a little sad to hear that Mike is getting married. I was hoping that I was his secret work girlfriend.

work boyfriend - B-

The Smell of Spring

I really, really, really can't stand the smell of worms. Did you know that worms have a smell? I smell it after every spring rainstorm, and it grosses me out. And then I see worms on the sidewalk, and that grosses me out even more.
From what I hear, worms are good for the planet. But I still think they're gross.

worms - D

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

Word on the street is, Project Runway is moving to Lifetime. LIFETIME! What the fuck, Bravo? What happened? Seriously, how did this happen?

Project Runway on Lifetime is a tranny hot mess. I don't care if Tim and Heidi are still on (and that is not confirmed, one way or the other). It won't be the same. Dammit.

PR on Lifetime - F!

Hugs

I love hugs. I really do. I think that there are very few day-to-day problems that couldn't be solved by hugging it out. If you and I have any kind of friendly relationship, even if it's a friendly business relationship, I guarantee that we will hug before our time together is through. I offer hugs to many of my co-workers (some enjoy it more than others, and I feel that has more to do with my sizable chest than the closeness of our relationship) and the people I work with on an occasional basis, if I don't see them very often.
I've heard that a friend-of-a-friend doesn't like hugs. I don't understand this. If I ever meet said FoF, I will probably hug her, not only to see what happens, but because I can't help myself. I'm a hugger.
One summer, I worked at a camp where we instructed that hugs between campers and counselors could not last longer than ten seconds. At first, many of us thought that this was ridiculous... but then we timed it out. Ten seconds is a long damn hug. We were also told not to touch campers on the knee. I still haven't figured that one out.

hugs - A

Dogulating

I want a dog. I want a dog so bad that I can taste it. I want a dog like some girls want babies... which is where the term "dogulating" came from. See, I'm ovulating for a dog. I see pictures of puppies and I get all maternal and baby-talky. Oooh, look at da puppy! Ee's so cute! I wanna hold eem!

This is the kind of dog I want. In fact, this is the kind of dog I'm going to get, in about two months. Consider yourself warned. I'll probably turn into one of those people who carries around pictures of their puppy. I'm definitely going to be one of those people who takes their puppy to work. I am going to be so excited when I buy a baby gate for my office.

dogulating - A-

Resurrection

I write my blog in my head every day. EVERY DAY. I can't tell you how many times I've written those two sentences. In fact, I have a small store of topics to draw from, floating around up in my little noggin, yet for some reason, I don't write them down.

As someone once said to me, I don't know what my problem is.

But I'm not ready for my blog to be dead. I just need something to inspire me, something to make me sit up and take notice and say, Yes, that is worth blogging about. Where are my out-of-control Hollywood starlets? Where's my ridiculous headline from AOL? Where is... everyone?

feeble attempt at a comeback - B-

Oscar wrap-up

Well, the Oscars are over for another year, and I did fairly well in my predictions. I ended up with 17 out of 24 correct, which is only 71% but is better than last year - and yet, one point lower than my all-time best. Sigh. I just can't break free of 16, 17 or 18. I did best Chargenda in our yearly unofficial pool, which is awesome, since I haven't beat him since 2001. So I feel pretty good abaout that.

I also feel pretty good about trivia night last night. I went with some work buddies to the good kind of trivia, the kind that's hosted and has multiple rounds and where there's cash money as a prize if you win. It was our first foray into trivia night as a team, and although we were confident in our brain power, we weren't sure we'd finish in the money. And then they announced the bonus categories: Last Night's Oscars, and War. Now, you can imagine that we as theater employees were thrilled about the Oscar category, but what you probably don't know is that we were there with one of the biggest war buffs I've ever known. LD goes so far as to reenact World War I battles - so yeah, we were feelin' good about our chances at that point.
I knew it was going to go well when one of the three-point questions was to name the designer of the gown pictured above. Hello? Oscars and fashion? Is there any doubt I didn't know the answer?
Long story short - we won. Straight up won the whole damn thing. And we all walked a little taller on Monday because of it.

Oscar night - A-
Oscar night coming in handy at trivia (and being $15 richer) - A+

Oscar predictions

Here are my Oscar predictions for tonight; tune into tomorrow to see how I did.

Best Picture - No Country for Old Men
Best Actor - Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Best Actress - Julie Christie, Away From Her
Best Supporting Actor - Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Best Supporting Actress - Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Best Director - Ethan and Joel Coen, No Country for Old Men
Best Adapted Screenplay - Ethan and Joel Coen, No Country for Old Men
Best Original Screenplay - Diablo Cody, Juno
Animated Feature - Ratatouille
Foreign Language Film - The Counterfeiters
Documentary Feature - No End In Sight
Documentary Short - Freeheld
Cinematography - There Will Be Blood
Visual Effects - Transformers
Animated Short Film - Peter and the Wolf
Live Action Short Film - At Night
Art Direction - Atonement
Costume Design - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Film Editing - No Country for Old Men
Sound Mixing - The Bourne Ultimatum
Sound Editing - The Bourne Ultimatum
Original Score - Atonement
Original Song - "Falling Slowly," Once
Makeup - La Vie En Rose

Analogies

Sometimes I am so inspired by something that I feel compelled to write about it. Today, it's this:

"Seriously, these cupcakes are like puffs of heaven with the best Christmas gift ever slathered on the top."

Thank you, Dustin, and Happy Birthday.

Analogies - I love 'em. People say crazy things in the attempt to link two items together. Many of you have probably seen this, but my favorite analogy of all time comes from that venerable piece of American cinema, Steel Magnolias, when Clairee is describing the mayor's dancing wife:
"Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket."
Genius! GENIUS!

So, to continue Dustin's belated birthday celebration, I'd like to ask all my readers - what's YOUR favorite analogy?

analogies - A

What A Wonder Is A Gun

Arkansas Tech University - my alma mater and the alma mater of my brother, parents, grandparents and great-grandfather - has "postponed" a production of Stephen Sondheim's Assassins because, according to the press release, "the production, which portrays scenes of violence, was thought to be too sensitive in view of recent tragic events that have taken place on other campuses around the United States."

OK. School shootings are senseless and tragic. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who wouldn't agree with that statement. But I truly believe that a musical representation of successful and would-be presidential assassins is not going to incite violence on our nation's college campuses. Far from it. In fact, the simultaneously disturbing and funny musical could start a dialogue among college students, getting them talking about history, politics, art, violence, and the genius that is Stephen Sondheim.

Now, at Tech, they won't get the chance.

I would like to close by talking about Joe Bertucci. Joe was the director at a community theatre where I played a lot, and I learned more from him in three shows than I ever thought possible. Joe shaped the lives, both artistic and personal, of everyone he came in contact with, and I am honored that I knew him. Joe liked to borrow a phrase from FP Dunne: "It is is the duty of theatre to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." Joe, I wonder what you'd make of this - in this situation, who's comfortable? Who's afflicted?

I'd like to further close with these lyrics from "Gun Song" from Assassins:
What a wonder is a gun!
What a versatile invention!
First of all when you've a gun -
Everybody pays attention!

Tech administration's poor, poor decision - F

Fashion, Doggy-Style

With the Oscars just around the corner, I know you're waiting with bated breath to read my Oscar predictions... but really, isn't a dog in a tuxedo way more fun? Especially when the dog is wearing a LEONARDO DICAPRIO-INSPIRED TUXEDO. For real.

formal attire for dogs - B

Swag

Swag is one of the greatest things ever. Now that I'm a fancy worker, I get to go to conferences, and I'm always on the lookout for which booths are giving away the best stuff. Unfortunately, most arts organizations aren't selling "products," they're selling shows, so the most likely swag you'll see at a presenters or theaters conference is a DVD or CD of some wacky kids' show or magician or Celtic crossover band. At the last conference I attended, I managed to pick up a couple pens and a sticky note pad, but nothing else cool. I think that drug companies give the best swag. There always seem to be mousepads and mugs and pens and hats, and all sorts of other things. My mom and dad used to bring home tons of stuff like that, and it was all rad.
Yesterday, I attended a birthday party at JNash's house. JNash is a dermatologist, and she had just returned from a conference... and was parting with her swag. And let me tell you, a whole new world of swag was opened up to me. I came home with sunscreen, body wash, lotion, soap, and cuticle cream; other people took bronzer, anti-wrinkle cream, a wide variety of washes and lotions, and a Coolie hat.
I should be a dermatologist.

Swag - A

Dance Revolution

I am taking a fitness class - cardio dance and pilates, specifically. What a joy. It's me, a few other "young ladies," some very overweight middle-aged ladies, some spry but slow old ladies, and one guy. I don't know his name, but I call him Tom. I shake my groove thang twice a week in a school gymnasium, and I love it. You have never seen so many grapevines in one place (except for at mid-Michigan weddings, but then, there's less spandex).

Our hardest routine is to "How We Operate" by Gomez. The beginning of the song is a little tricky, and everyone, including the instructor, gets confused. I love that she's changing it up a little, and Gomez is a nice change from all the Motown we usually get, but maybe it wasn't such a good choice if everyone spends the first thirty seconds of the song staggering around wondering where the beat it.

my bi-weekly dance party - A

She Said YES!

There is a jewelry store in town, about two blocks from my old apartment, that makes beautiful pieces of jewelry. They made my friend Jjack's engagement ring, and it is the coolest, most amazing ring I've ever seen. I've been in there once or twice, and they seem to be nice people with a good design aesthetic.

But their radio commercials are atrocious. Their biggest campaign involved Craig saying "You want to be able to tell all your family and friends that she said yes!" (side note: when I tried to publish this the first time, I increased the font size for the word "yes", and then the whole post was messed up) and let me tell you, no font in the world is large enough to convey how loud and annoying he is. Then, they did a "rap" version of the commercial that played "she said yes!" over and over. It was horrible. But the new campaign takes the cake. Bear in mind it's less than two weeks until Valentine's Day, mmmkay? Here's the gist of the new campaign: "Flowers are for wimps. You wanna show her you really love her, you gotta buy jewelry."

Excuse me? You gotta buy jewelry? You know how I know my man really loves me? When I hurt my back earlier this week, he spent an hour rubbing it and putting a heating pad on it and taking care of my sore spots. I know because he makes the coffee on Saturday mornings. I know because he picks up after my messy ass EVERY DAY. That is how I know. Not because he went to your store, Craig!

So yeah, I don't like the campaign.

Craig's new campaign - D

Oscar Nomination Predictions

UPDATE - I achieved 78% accuracy. Not great for a pregnancy test, but pretty good for Oscar predictions. If you factor in my runners-up, I had 88% accuracy. Wheeee!



Whether or not there's an Oscar ceremony on February 24, the time has come to make my predictions for who'll be nominated - because no matter what, Oscar noms are tomorrow morning. Here's what I think'll happen in the big eight categories.



Best Picture
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
runner-up - Into the Wild
I wish - 300


Best Director
PT Anderson - There Will Be Blood
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - No Country for Old Men
Sean Penn - Into the Wild
Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Joe Wright - Atonement
runner-up - Ridley Scott - American Gangster
I wish - Tim Burton - Sweeney Todd

Best Actor
George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Emile Hirsch - Into the Wild
Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises
Denzel Washington - American Gangster
runner up - Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
I wish - Simon Pegg, Hot Fuzz

Best Actress
Julie Christie - Away From Her
Marion Cotillard - La Vie En Rose
Angelina Jolie - A Mighty Heart
Keira Knightley - Atonement
Ellen Page - Juno
runner-up - Laura Linney, The Savages
I wish - Amy Adams, Enchanted

Best Supporting Actor
Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men
Hal Holbrook - Into the Wild
Max von Sydow - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Tom Wilkinson - Michael Clayton
runner-up - Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
I wish - Tommy Lee Jones, No Country for Old Men

Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
Catherine Keener - Into the Wild
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone
Saoirse Ronan - Atonement
Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton
runner-up - Ruby Dee, American Gangster
I wish - Kelly MacDonald, No Country for Old Men

Best Original Screenplay
Brad Bird, Ratatouille
Diablo Cody, Juno
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Tamara Jenkins, The Savages
Nancy Oliver, Lars and the Real Girl
runner-up - Judd Apatow, Knocked Up

Best Adapted Screenplay
PT Anderson, There Will Be Blood
Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Christopher Hampton, Atonement
Ronald Harwood, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Sean Penn, Into the Wild
runner-up - Aaron Sorkin, Charlie Wilson's War

So, we'll see.

my Oscar noms - incomplete until 8:30 AM

Movie Madness: Juno

I have been wanting to see Juno, mostly to find out for myself if all the rave reviews I've heard are true - at least, true to me. Everyone I know who's seen it keeps going on and on about the dialogue, how sharp and spot-on it is, and I'm here to tell you that... for the most part, it is. I think that at times, it was a little contrived. Yes, Juno is a tough little cookie, and yes, her rapid-fire speech and all the dialogue throughout the movie are both great. But sometimes I thought "People don't really talk like that." Kids don't say "wizard" when they mean "cool." And because of this, I didn't fully immerse myself in the movie. There were things I just couldn't get over. Nonetheless, it was a great movie. I never looked at my watch during the whole thing, which is a rarity for me. And the cast was great. I was really rooting for Jennifer Garner, who hasn't gotten a lot of mention, but she was terrific.

In summary: if the dialogue had been just a titch more believable, Juno would have gotten a straight-up A. As it is, the movie gets -

Juno - A-

American Gladiators

If you're not watching American Gladiators, you kind of suck. This show is awesome. Some of the competitors are weenies, but some of them are FIERCE.

My favorite Gladiator is Krush... she's in the front row with the dark swingy stacked haircut. My least favorite is Toa... is that guy even Samoan? Or Hawaiian? Or... anything but ust white?

American Gladiators - A-

BRIDAAAAAL SHOOOOWWW!

Oh yes, I'm getting married soon, but did you know that I'm also a maid of honor in a wedding in October? Wheeee! I love being a bridesmaid, and this wedding is extra fun - all of the cool things about planning a wedding, since now I'm "in the know," but none of the pressure, since it's not my wedding. Thanks, EJ! So I went with EJ and Mom of EJ to a bridal show this afternoon, to watch a fashion show and check out some vendors. Some stuff was cool - good photographers, a delicious bite of lemon cake, lovely gowns on display... but then there were the doves. Yes, dove release is still a possibility at your wedding, but the latest and greatest trend is lace doves, with some extra wispy feathers that "complement the lace on a bride's dress." And sure enough, there were lace doves on display at the bridal show - except they were wild-eyed and insane. EJ said they looked rabid.

Next week is Bridal World, which, from what I understand, is a whole world of bridal junk. Wooey wip wip!

bridal shows - B
rabid doves - D+

Friendship Bracelets

I've been thinking about friendship bracelets a lot lately. I remember that I used to wear about a gazillion at a time, especially when I was in elementary school. But I think I should start making them again. I don't do anything crafty, except for scrapbooking, and that's not something you can take with you on a plane or on a car trip, and you can't give the finished products to friends. Well, I suppose you can, but they can't wear it.

I could never do anything fancy - just something like the ones pictured here, but none of the patterns or spelling out names or anything like that. But I need something to do with my hands while I'm watching TV or sitting at the airport - and please, no dirty comments.

friendship bracelets - B

Thank You, Britney

For days, I've been sayin "I need to blog again," but I don't really need to recap Christmas or New Year's, and nothing else is going on that I felt I could craft into a well-spun story. And I was looking back over my blog from months past and thinking, "Damn, I used to be funny... what happened? Where's my joy and inspiration? Why can't I think of anything to write about?"
And then Britney Spears went and locked herself and her baby in a room and wouldn't give the kid over to K-Fed and now is on a 72-hour mental health lockdown. So, thanks, Britney.

Britney's meltdown - B-
Britney's meltdown acting as the catalyst for me to get off my lazy tookus and blog again - A+!