Vera Bradley

I don't get it. Why are Vera Bradley duffels, makeup bags, garment bags and rolling suitcases so popular? I understand that the founders felt that there was a severe lack of "feminine luggage," but this is their answer? Quilted bags (that look like they're going to disintegrate at the hands of one burly bag handler) in slightly ridiculous patterns that look like my grandma made them. Why have they become status symbols - at least, among a certain set (I've never seen Britney or Lindsay with one)? I think they're super gross.

If you really want "feminine" luggage, here's my suggestion: go to TJMaxx, Marshall's, or Filene's Basement - not quite first-run, not quite resale - and check out their suitcases. If you can't find one in a bright lurid pink, you'll be sure to find something in a fruit or animal print pattern. And you won't look like you pulled Granny's ol' quilted dog carrier circa 1974 down from the attic.

Vera Bradley - D (points awarded for identifiability at the baggage return)

Super Junky Junk Food

I love junk food, and I'm not ashamed. I'm ashamed of my big fat belly, but not so much that I'll ever completely stop eating things like pizza rolls, nacho sauce from a can, and McDonald's french fries. However, I draw the line at Bosco Sticks. Bosco Sticks are basically hot dough with a hot cheesy center, and some "parmesan" sprinkled on top. Yes, they are delicious - I had a few Bosco Sticks in my day, and that first one right out of the warmer is heavenly. But seriously, Interlochen serves them in sets of three, and that third stick is enough to make a person barf. No one needs that many preservatives and cheese and "bread."

I write about these sticks because I had to go to Gordon Food Service three times this week, and every time I was there, someone was purchasing a case of Bosco Sticks. Which means that people take them home and just make them themselves, for a side dish, or perhaps a light snack.

You know what else I saw at Gordon's? POURABLE PEANUT BUTTER. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...

Bosco Sticks - D+
pourable peanut butter - D-
GFS - C- (major points awarded for convenience and the amount of kitchen supplies you can get, to counterbalance the points taken away for mass quantities of industrial food)

Running of the Doofuses

Why, oh, why did the worst injuries at this year's running of the bulls in Pamplona have to happen to Americans? The rest of the world already thinks we're obnoxious and stupid - and now we've proven it to them. Nice job, boys!

running of the bulls - C+ (kind of cool, but kind of dumb)

Tip, Please.

One of my new pet peeves is business establishments that don't accept tips on credit cards. I don't carry cash, and I pay for almost everything with my debit card. But I also like to tip manicurists and bagel preparers if they do a good job, and there are too many places around here that don't allow tips on credit cards. LAME!!! How am I supposed to reward good service if you don't take my plastic!?

no tips on credit - D (a few points because I guess in the long run I save a little money)

Overmilking

I like a lot of milk in my cereal. A lot of milk. Some might call it overmilking. I want every piece of cereal to be wet, not just the stuff at the bottom. However, I do like the very top layer of cereal to be crunchy when I first start eating. So there's a very specific cereal-to-milk ratio.

But I don't drink the milk at the end. This is wasteful, and my FH gets very annoyed. Every morning, when I pour the milk down the drain, he says "Wastrel!"

The only cereal I've found that holds up to my overmilking is Shredded Mini-Wheats. Sometimes I have to re-milk when I'm having SMWs - they're just so absorbent.

Also, when I was a little girl, my parents once made me have my cereal with Gatorade, because I had a cold and they were concerned about the effects of dairy on my breathing. Not a taste sensation.

overmilking - C+ (good for me, bad for cows)

OCD? Yes, Please!

There's got to be a word for people like me, who jump on an Internet craze and just go, well, crazy.

Here's a short list of Internet sites that I've been obsessed with:

Friendster
Neopets
match.com (this one worked out OK)
MySpace
Facebook
Blogger
other people's blogs
The Knot
Indiebride
Stardoll

And now, GoodReads. My friend Charlie (you may remember him as Chargenda) sent me a "friends request" for GoodReads today, and I am instantly obsessed with it. It's basically a social networking site for nerds - you review books you've read. There's a bit of a competition factor, I suppose - I want to review every book I've ever read EVER, so I have lots of books and people think I'm well read and cool.

If you want people to think you're cool and well read, go here. Start an account. Add me as a friend. And then we'll all read together.

GoodReads - A+

An Open Letter to Chorizo

Dear Chorizo,

It makes me sad to say this, but I feel I don't know who you are anymore. It's been so long since we've been together. I've forgotten how you smell, how you taste, the way you look longingly into my eyes on cold winter's nights. Why has this happened, Chorizo? And why do you send your "friends" to ask me how you are? There's this one guy, Anonymous, who keeps asking me about you. Doesn't he know that I don't know how you are? Why, Chorizo, why!?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it out on you. But seriously, I don't think I can go on like this much longer.
chorizo - I

(happy now, anonymous-whoever-you-are?)

Comfort Food

Frannie Farmer asked me to write about comfort food, and for me, this is an easy one. Long before I was working on my wedding, the best way for me to cure my blues was a Brides magazine and a bag of miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. The mini cups have the perfect peanut butter to chocolate ratio (MUCH better than the big ones), and part of the pleasure comes from the near-constant unwrapping. Just thinking about opening the little wrappers and popping the cup in my mouth, all while flipping through the pages of ads and flower arrangements, makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.
My other favorite comfort is Campbell's Nacho Cheese soup, heated to a fairly thick consistency, used as a dipping sauce for tortilla chips. I call this "nachos." It's not really nachos - those involve meat, beans, lettuce and numerous other toppings - but whenever I feel a little puny, I go to the grocery store, pick up a can of nachos, some milk (if I'm out) and some chips, and heat it up. And even though the after effects of my nachos and mini Reese's stay with me, on my hips and thighs, it's worth it.

mini Reese's - A-
nachos - A

Trilogies

Peach asked me to write about trilogies - and how can I say no to such a brilliant request? Although it seemed that Peach wanted me to comment on Pirates of the Carribean, Shrek, or Spiderman, and I haven't seen the third of any of 'em, so I have to leave them off. Sorry, Peach.

When looked at as a lump sum, trilogies are destined to fail. No movie can compare to its brothers - one is always going to be called "the worst of the three." However, when taken individually, the films that make up a trilogy can be considered some of the most entertaining out there. Here are my top five trilogy components:
5. Back to the Future - set up the whole thing - loved it!
4. Return of the Jedi - most people like Empire better, but I really dig those Ewoks, as well as the opening scene - when Han Solo says "I'm having delusions of... grandeur!", it gets me every time
3. Koyaanisqatsi - OK, I've never seen the whole thing, much less the whole trilogy, and I really only included this to be artsy and snobby, but the images and music are pretty outstanding
2. The Return of the King - oh, when little Hobbit sings that song during the battle sequence, I totally lose it
1. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - I. Love. This. Movie. I love everything about it.

And there you have it.

trilogies - B

She's Gonna Love You Long Time

Oh man, I am going to see Fergie tonight at the Fillmore Detroit, and I really hope she wets herself again!

free (for me) Fergie concert - B+

if Fergie pees her pants - A+!

Ice Cream

My good buddy Bethro asked me to write about either ice cream or coffee, and for me, the choice was easy. I LOVE ice cream. I have so many things to say about ice cream - and they just might fulfill some of the other requests people have made recently...

To begin, there is no choice but waffle cone. Sugar cones are fine if you're trying to watch your weight, but really, if you're that concerned about it, you shouldn't be eating ice cream in the first place! Waffle cones give a better ice cream to cone ratio, and the cone itself is much better than a sugar cone.

As for flavors... to each his own, I suppose, but I prefer the vanilla based options. Fruit flavors and actual ice cream don't go well together, I think - that's why you'll never see me eating peach ice cream or strawberry ice cream (toppings are a different story, but more on that later). I can eat the hell out of some chocolate chip cookie dough or Black Bear. In a pinch, a chocolate-based ice cream such as Bear Claw will do, and there's always Mint Chocolate Chip for an especially hot summer day. But nine times out of ten I eat vanilla-based ice creams. As for toppings, Hershey's Chocolate Syrup is far and away the best ever. Strawberries are good, and caramel is good, and other fresh fruit options are yummy, too. But I don't like those nasty things that harden when they hit the ice cream - Magic Shell? Gross.

One of the things that's NOT awesome about my new apartment is it's proximity to ice cream. Right now, I live two blocks from a delightful neighborhood ice cream shop, and I will miss it when I can't walk there. Also, since Nate shares my love for ice cream and neither of us really give a damn about wedding cake, we're planning on having an ice cream bar at the wedding. Several flavors, toppings, brownies, bananas, and maybe some Coke or root beer. YUM!!!

ice cream - B+

Interlochen

Meggie suggested I write about Interlochen (she also suggested I write about how much I miss her, but that'll have to wait a few days). For those that don't know, I used to work at Interlochen, an arts boarding school in the cold northern reaches of my great state. And although I can (and will) say many wonderful things about the place, I'll start with the bad stuff - because you know that's the fun part! These days, I call Interlochen "Crazylochen." There's something unnatural about a boarding school environment, not just for the students who attend school there, but for the poor saps who live in the dorm with the kids and are basically forced into being "friends" with their co-workers - because, let's face it, in the cold snowy woods surrounded by fifteen-year-olds, if you don't make friends with your co-workers, you're not going to have any friends. Also, because of the whole "I live where I work" thing, and the whole "I am surrounded by the same 19 adults all the time" thing, Crazylochen breeds some drama among its staff - just your basic, run-of-the-mill stuff, but you can't escape from it (did I mention that I lived where I worked?). Finally, and perhaps worst of all, in the short time I worked there, some unsavory characters worked there. Every year I was there, at least two people got fired for doing bad things with the kids - most drinking and general carousing. The environment is very appealing for young adults, and I think a lot of people had a difficult time being "grown-ups" when they were surrounded by teenagers.

It must be said that Crazylochen isn't ALL bad. For one thing, all that craziness and "forced friendship" can really draw people together - when you find the people you want to be friends with, you become really tight. Some of my nearest and dearest used to work with me at Interlochen - and while on some level we're all emotionally scarred by the experience, we were brought together because of it. Also, and this is the most important part, the kids are AMAZING. They are so talented. I know that some day, some new actor or writer or singer or painter will be winning all kinds of awards and I'll be able to day "She lived on my hall at Interlochen!" I miss it there sometimes - the energy with those artists around is awesome, even in the cold snowy hell that is February.

Interlochen - B

MTV vs. The Big Four

Yay for requests! I have things to write about, and although they're not necessarily by choice, they're good choices.
Christa asked me to write about MTV vs. network television, and I am more than happy to oblige. MTV and VH1 are great - in the morning. I watch videos to start my day, which is way better than morning news shows. No one in their right mind starts the day with stories about war, disease, job loss, weather, and "human interest"stories about spring fashions. PLEASE, PEOPLE! I'd like to make my official pitch to all of you to watch music videos in the morning. Take, for example, the latest Rihanna video for Umbrella. This video is great. Nate loves the choreography and I love the costumes. It's one of those videos that makes my day complete.

But at night? There's no contest - network television wins hands down. I abhor shows like Scarred and Punk'd and Run's House and shit like that. Nunh-unh! I need a scripted dramedy like Grey's Anatomy - or if it has to be reality, then make it talent-based reality like So You Think You Can Dance or American Idol, not personality-based reality like Survivor or any dating show. I'll admit that the VH1 rock docs are captivating, particularly Last Days of Left Eye (and VH1 tends to be sharper and classier than MTV anyway), but those documentaries are few and far between. And I can only watch countdown shows so often before my brain rots - I'm over I Love The '80s.

Final grades?
MTV/VH1: before 10 AM - A-, after 10 AM, D+
network television: before 10 AM, C-, after 10 AM, B+
Bravo: when Law and Order is on, C-, when everything else is on, A

meh.

I have many exciting things going on in my life. I am getting married in less than a year. I am moving into a new apartment in six weeks. I have recently taken on a lot of new responsibilities at work. And yet - I have nothing to say. I don't do anything worth blogging about. For one thing, I don't want to write about work, for fear that my boss might read my blog. The last thing I want is to lose my job because I write about work - didn't that happen to some people? I also don't want to write about my wedding. People don't need to read about my favors or placecards or any of that other stuff. And I don't want to write about my new apartment because I don't have any pictures.

Here's where you come in. I'm taking requests. I'll write about (and grade!) anything you ask me to. ANYTHING. So - what do you want me to write about?

taking requests - B- (could be sweet!)

Foul!

WARNING: this post is about things that smell bad. If you don't want to read about the things that I think smell bad, just stop reading now. I won't judge you. In fact, I'll never really know, right? So if you've just eaten, or if you have a weak stomach, come back in a few days and I promise you can read about puppies or puffy clouds or something innocuous.

OK... now that they're gone...

Good smells and bad smells are subjective. My brother likes the smell of gasoline, which, although not repulsive to me, is a little weird. Bradford pears, in flower? I think they smell like stale sex; a far-off skunk, however, is pleasant to me and evokes memories of summer nights spent with friends (a far-off skunk, mind you; nearby skunk is gross). Hot trash, sweaty teenagers, and vomit are among the top of my list of things that smells bad; clean hair and Thanksgiving dinner are probably my top two smells.

I've discovered what is, to me, the worst smell ever: the subtle combination of poo and toothpaste. Poo is in and of itself a bad smell - we can probably all agree to that - but when you mix poo and mint together, it is truly and wholly disgusting. Sometimes I can't brush my teeth at night if I've just utilized the bathroom for toilet matters, because the residual poo smell mixed with toothpaste makes me want to hurl, so I just forego clean teeth altogether. I'm telling you, it's naaaaaasty.

I also really hate the smell of baby wipes.

Tell me about smells - what are your likes and dislikes?

bad smells - F, obviously!

A New Vision

I got new glasses today! Wheeeee! I love them. They make me feel like Superman. See, they're sweet-ass blue on the outside - and red on the inside! Don't eff with me, my glasses are awesome! I might just have funky enough glasses to tool around the mean streets of Ann Arbor now. Can you see me, walking down State Street, popping by Michigan Book and Supply, maybe getting a latte at Amer's, in THESE babies? I think you can!



new glasses - A

Rollerblades

I totally saw a guy on rollerblades today. I didn't even know people still used (wore? rode?) those anymore.

Immediately after I saw the guy on rollerblades, I thought I saw a lady on a Segway, but it turns out that it was a lady on a bike with one of those rolling kid tents on the back.

Things on wheels are funny.

rollerblades - B+
rolling kid tents - B- (convenient, but weird)

An Open Letter to American Idol

Dear American Idol,

Why do you suck so hard? There was only really one acceptable outcome for the top two singers this season: Melinda and LaKisha, and yet you have forsaken them both. Why? Why? I will believe that is has to do with the teenybopper vote, silly twelve-year-olds who want "one of their own" (Jordin) or a super-cute boy (Blake, who's not really that cute aftet all) to be the next American Idol. I hate twelve-year-olds. Nut you, American Idol, you have to bear some blame. You know what Dancing with the Stars does? They give the judges' votes some weight, and those get COMBINED with the votes of the American public. Think about it.

I am sad and disheartened, AI. Of course, I'll be watching the season finale, to see which sub-par singer wins a recording contract and the title of American Idol, but I will be watching not with excitement but with resignation. Fine, AI. You win.

a Melinda- and LaKisha-free American Idol finale - D (points awarded because they'll probably both go the Jennifer Hudson route and make it just fine without being the American Idol winner, thankyouverymuch)

Another Reason Why I'm Going To Hell

I am not making fun of stutterers. Stuttering sucks. I am glad that I don't stutter, and I am happy when people (such as James Earl Jones!) can overcome their stutters and become non-impeded members of society.

But this is National Stuttering Awareness Week - and there's something really funny about that to me. It's similar to the ribbons that people wear for every cause, even causes most people have never heard of - so you've got to have a week to go along with every cause and every ribbon. Do the stutterers really need a NATIONAL awareness week? Do they even want people to be aware of them, or would they rather be ignored? At any rate, when I read an editorial in a newspaper that was blowing across the vestibule at work, and when I read that it was National Stuttering Awareness Week - I laughed. The end.

me, on the bus to Hell - F
saving seats for all my homies - A+!

Blogging Scared

"Famous" blogger Perez Hilton has been slapped with a 7.5 million dollar law suit that claims he's been using pictures without paying for them, costing a certain Hollywood photo agency millions of dollars in lost advertising. Or something like that. Law is a mystery to me.
But what's not a mystery to me is - I've been using pictures that I procured from various Internet resources for the almost two years I've been writing this blog. Now, I don't think anybody's going to come after me - much as I'd like to think so, my blog doesn't have a worldwide, millions-a-day readership. Perhaps more importantly, I don't have any ad space on my blog, and Perez was charging $9000-$16000 to place an ad on his blog (hence the photo agency's lost advertising dollars). Nonetheless, I'm a little concerned about procuring pictures from the Internet. When I started this blog, I asked my mentor Chargenda where he got his pictures. I love him, so I won't tell you exactly what he said, but I'll say that he encouraged me to use Google. And so I do. Almost every time I write, unless I use a picture that I took with my own camera.
What's the point in telling you this? I might start carrying my camera with me, so if I want to write a post about, say, a certain book, I'll have to take a picture of the book cover - but won't that be even shadier than procuring a picture from the Internet? I guess the other thing that could happen is I could ask all my readers to contribute to my legal defense fund. I don't have seven hundred dollars, much less seven million.

pictures from the Internet - A-
getting sued for using pictures from the Internet - D-
my chances of getting sued for using pictures from the Internet - 7,500,000:1