Laura

I used to have a picture of Laura in a child's banana costume, but I think this one shows off her assets better. Obviously, so does she.

Laura was a student at my former place of employment, but now that she's in college, I can safely call her my friend. I can also say that she needs to call me sometime - I can tell her all the scandals she's been wanting to know about for three years, and believe me, there are plenty. Laura is probably one of the smartest people I know. For example, this semester, she's taking Microeconomics, Chinese, and calculus. I would say that these are difficult classes. Laura would say that she was bored in high school and just wanted to use her brain for once. Don't be fooled into thinking that Laura is all brains, however - she went to bartending school this summer, and is an avid Desperate Housewives watcher. She's extremely sassy and has no qualms about speaking her mind, even to those that are "in charge." I think this is a by-product of being very short and needing to assert herself, but it makes for some good times when Laura is ranting about the state of the world.

Laura, if you're reading this, you're getting a low grade because you never, ever call me, and Facebook is not really a method of communication. Change your evil ways, girl.

Laura - C+

UPDATE: Laura called me this afternoon... new grade - B+!

Pimp My Garden

Another image from Gizzoogle.. damn, this website's funny!

Shannon and Mark

Here are my friends Shannon and Mark on their wedding day... don't they look great?
Shannon and Mark are doctors, which is awesome. I haven't really abused my free-medical-advice quota, but I will. One of these days I'll ask them about my icky rash... or is that too much information?
I've known Shannon for a long long time. She's another one of those camp friends - we owe our whole friendship to being put in an awful drama class together back in 1992. Like all my friends, Shannon is beautiful and smart and funny and she has great fashion sense. We've seen each other through all sorts of crazy boyfriends - the male model, the alcoholic, the religious zealot, and numerous others. Thankfully, we've put those days behind us.
Which leads me to Mark - Mark is my favorite of any of my friends' signifcant others. It's true! Mark won me over when I found out that he can bench-press Shannon. I think that that constitutes a high grade, don't you?

Shannon and Mark - A

Gizzoogle

Thanks to Albert for telling me about Gizzoogle. This website is hilarious. It will translate anything you want into hip-hop. For example, I typed in the website of my former place of employment, and here's how it translated:

"The world’s motherfucka brotha arts program fo` cruisin' artists grades 3 through 12, Interlochen Arts Camp attracts students, faculty n staff frizzay all 50 U.S. states n mizzle tizzle 40 Countries. These 3,000 kindred spirits fill Interlochen’s northwoods campus wit an explosion of creativity n Inspiration. The world’s best n brightest students train intensively wit world-class instructors, n produce more thiznan 400 presentizzles each rappa in dance, theatre, creative hatin' visual arts, motion picture arts n music.
"Invest. Thrive sho nuff. Go Confidently ta Interlochen Arts C-to-tha-izzamp next summa . Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air!"

Try it, you'll love it. You can enter any website and Gizzoogle will translate it for you. Endless hours of entertainment await you!

www.gizzoogle.com

Gizzoogle - A

Albert

I like to refer to Albert as my Secret Asian Man. I'm so glad he's my friend - he fills my minority niche. Thanks, Bert!

Albert and I were buddies in college, and I've only seen him a few times since graduation, and we don't talk that often, but he's the kind of guy you can go for months without talking to and then, when you finally make contact, you're on the phone for hours. Yesterday we talked about relationships and teaching. The time before that, we talked about the arts. Albert's bright and funny and just an all-around fabulous guy. Plus, he's got great legs.

Albert - B (remember, people, you got to live close to get a good grade!)

Extra Polar Ice

This gum is not for the faint of heart. There's a reason this picture is so big - it's roughly the size of the flavor of the gum. I have become accustomed to Orbit BubbleMint, and also really like their CitrusMint (it sounds yucky but it's really delicious), but I needed gum and Michael's didn't have very many choices, so I went with the Polar Ice. It knocked my socks off. I don't like my gum to be too minty, and this gum is way too strong for me. I suppose that if I had vile onion breath, it would be great, but day-to-day, this gum is just too much.

Extra Polar Ice - D

Adam

Adam and I are "camp friends" (you'll see some more of those this week). We met when Adam was going into 10th grade and I was going into 9th. I took him to the Homecoming dance when I was a freshman - I was such a big deal, having an out-of-town date. We used to get together with some other camp friends once every couple of months. Remember the days when playing card games and watching scary movies was a big weekend?

Adam and I rarely see each other anymore - we kind of fell out of touch when I was moving around a lot in college. He's in orthodontics school right here in Ann Arbor, but he lives in Ohio; his husband is a PhD student at Kent State, so they live halfway between and each drive an hour and a half every day. Better them than me, I say. Adam and Jason always have the latest in orthodonture - when I met Jason, he had braces, and now Adam has those clear plastic retainers. That's so awesome.

Adam - B

How I Paid For College

I know you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but this one totally jumped out at me and I had to get it. Notice that its subtitle is "A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship and Musical Theater..." how could I not get this book? Unfortunately, it wasn't very good. Here's the basic plot: a well-off suburbanite, Edward, wants to go to Juilliard for acting, but his father won't pay his tuition, so his group of friends (the "Play People") devise some schemes to find money. They embezzle money from Edward's evil German step-mother, launder the money through a fake scholarship, all the while putting on an amazing production of Godspell. Of course, there are numerous love triangles, Edward struggles with his sexuality, he botches his Juilliard audition... but it all works out in the end. Basically, this is the literary version of the movie "Camp," which, if you recall from an earlier entry, I didn't like all that much. It's funny to me, being a theatre groupie, but the general population will think this book is a waste of time.

I'm writing about this book during Friends Week because it sort of made me think of Dustin (not that he's a waste of time, of course!). It kind of mirrors his life, and all the good parts of the book are things he will relate to.

Up for something frivolous? Get this book. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

How I Paid For College - C-

Dustin

Once upon a time, a senior girl and a freshman boy were in a play together. Their mothers decided the senior girl should drive the freshman boy to rehearsal, even though the two didn't really know each other. But those mothers knew what they were doing - after one awkward car trip, a friendship was born.

Let me brag about Dustin for just a little bit - not only is he in the national tour of Sesame Street Live, he's the only live performer! Yes, there are real people in those enormous fuzzy costumes, but Dustin is the only one who is not in a fuzzy costume and therefore the only one who actually sings live (think about it - how could they be heard through all that chicken wire and fur? the rest of the cast is pre-recorded). this gig came up after Dustin played Bitty Puppy (yes, fur) in the American Girl Theatre's production of Bitty Bear's Big Day. I think Dusty is destined to play cartoon animals - next stop, The Lion King! One of my favorite things about Dustin is his ability to quote movies and song lyrics. Years after he's seen a movie, he can pull out a quote perfectly appropriate to a situation. Even better, if he hears a priceless line, uttered by a random person on the street, and thinks it should have been in a movie, he will adopt that phrase and use it periodically. I love this.

Dustin's on tour right now, so I haven't seen him in a while - and you all know I give points off for bad proximity. However, he'll be passing through Detroit soon... yay!

Dustin H. - A-

by the way, you can check out Dustin's blog - I've linked to him through "A Day in the Life of Sesame Street Live"

Friends Week

It's Friends Week at Naivehelga! All this week, in addition to (or perhaps, if I'm feeling lazy, instead of) my regular postings, I'll be talking about my friends... maybe even YOU! This might seem boring to you - after all, my friends will probably be getting mostly As and Bs - but I think it's a nice way to send some little shout-outs to the ones I love... and isn't that what blogging is all about?

Friends Week - A!

Desperate Housewives Premiere

It was really, really good. Part of what made it so good was that it answered some questions, but asked some new ones, too - we couldn't have gone very long without finding out if Susan and Mike were okay, but what's happened to Zach? And just what the hell is going on in Betty's basement!? I had a prediction during the porch scene - I thought that maybe they were lovers and the whole mother/son thing was a ruse... I mean, what mother puts her arms around her son in that manner? But now I see that I was very, very wrong. I can't wait to see what this turns out to be. Also, Shirley Knight is wonderful as Rex's mother. DH usually does a great job with their guest actors, and Shirley was no exception. You just love to hate her. Any thoughts on who else they could bring on the show this season?

There was a lot going on in this episode. I really enjoy watching several story lines at once - it's nice to follow one character through an episode or two, let them take the forefront, but in an ensemble show such as Desperate Housewives, it's really the balance of the characters that makes it work. Notice how many times all four of the ladies (Edie's just doing her own thing) are on screen together. The interplay between them is one of the best things about this show.

Non-Desperate Housewives watchers/avid naivehelga readers: you should watch this show. There is a large population of faithful readers who would definitely choose DH over my blog any day of the week - that's how good this show is! You can watch the whole first season and catch right up. Don't miss out on the latest pop culture trend. This could be bigger than Sex and the City!

Depserate Housewives Premiere - A

Ashton and Demi

How long will Ashton and Demi stay married? I am placing my bet for just after 8 years of marriage, because while I guess it's sort of hot to be 27 and dating a 42-year-old, it is anything but hot to be 35 and married to a 50-year-old.

Who's in?

Ashton and Demi getting married - C-

Junebug

I heard a lot of good things about Junebug - a guy I work with said it's better than any of the films he saw at the Toronto Film Festival - so I was looking forward to a really great film. I wasn't diappointed, but it wasn't as amazing as I though it would be. It's a pretty bleak film. Not as bleak as In The Bedroom or House of Sand and Fog, also family relationship films, but I didn't leave feeling good about the characters, which is what I was expecting. However, I can't fault the acting. Everyone keeps talking about how awesome Amy Adams is in this movie, and I agree, she's great, but I was totally blown away by Scott Wilson, who plays the father. He was so subtle and understated and reserved, and was perfect as a quiet, hen-pecked Southern man - I left the movie saying, "I know that guy." Also, Celia Weston and Benjamin McKenzie (yes, the kid from the O.C.) were totally awesome. Evil bastard people, but awesome.
I can't put my finger on what didn't impress me about this movie. Maybe it was the hype, or maybe the trailers made it out to be a comedy when it wasn't, or maybe it was the small Southern town sterotypes. Whatever it was, Junebug was good, but it's not my new favorite movie.

Junebug - B

Tios Mexican Cafe

I had a hankering for Mexican food, so last night we ordered take-out from Tios. As a former resident of west Texas, I consider myself to be somewhat of a connoisseur of Mexican food, and this was my first attempt at Mexican in Ann Arbor... and it was awful. Everything tasted like it came out of a can and got warmed up in a microwave. The refried beans were nasty (and usually, the beans are my favorite part) and I couldn't even eat the rice, it was so bad. Nothing was hot enough or spicy enough. Everything had a sort of red tint to it, but not in a good way, more like in a greasy pre-packaged food way. My cheese enchilada was okay - it did the job of putting food in my tummy - but the cheese was nasty clumpy. And we didn't even get free chips and salsa. Never again. Tios gave us a menu with our takeout, but we threw it away.

Tios - D (a few points for speed of delivery)

ER Season Premiere

UPDATE: Watched the premiere tonight (thanks to Nate for taping it for me while I was at work), and it sort of let me down, but all the typical ER things were there - teasers in the ad that look really bad but turn out to be nothing, resolution from the cliffhanger the season before, a little bit of every major character with focus on one or two, and an amazing trailer for next week's episode.
Things to point out: the show is called ER. Most of the action should take place in the ER. I'm just sayin'. Also, can we cut Luka some slack? First it didn't work out with Carol, then Abby, and now Sam, too? Seriously, write in some happiness for the guy.

ER Season Premiere (official grade) - B

Tomorrow night is the premiere of the 12th season of ER, and I am very excited! I think ER has slipped in recent years - I can handle Romano getting his arm cut off by a helicopter, but then to be killed by one falling out of the sky a few seasons later? That's a bit of a stretch. Also, though he's pictured in the super hot picture above, Carter will no longer be a regular cast member. That makes this the first season that there will not be a cast member who has been on the show continuously since the first season, and that's a little scary. I think we sort of relied on Carter for some continuity and warm fuzzies - he was there for Benton and Greene and Ross and Hathaway and all the other stuff since then. However, Noah Wyle has said that it's time for some of the other characters to have a chance to shine, and I think he's right. Let's see how Luka and Abby and Sam and Pratt and Ray do when they have to take the lead.

This might be too much ER talk for some of you, but I don't care. I feel about ER the way that my friend Andy feels about U of M football - no matter how good or how bad, I'll always be a fan. Besides, with ER on Thursday, that brings us one night closer to the premiere of Desperate Housewives, and I know we're all excited for that!

Do you have a favorite episode you want to talk about? Leave a comment.

ER Season Premiere - B+, I hope

Health Clinic Pamphlets

I went to the clinic at school today, to get my TB test read (negative, by the way), and I noticed all the health pamphlets they have. If you haven't been around these in a while, let me let you in on a little secret: they are AWESOME! They have great titles like "STDs and You" and "What Is Acne?" and "Superventricular Tachycardia - What You Should Know" (okay, I made that one up, but aren't you impressed with my medical knowledge?). Even better than the titles and the information are the graphics. Health pamphlets always used to have those sitck figures with the really big heads, but now they're getting more professional and the graphics are really sweet. But I've saved the best for last - the actors. I wonder about these people. Is this their primary source of income? What do their families think? Is this the fulfillment of their dreams? No matter. I salute them. As for this lady, I think she actually looks like she's experiencing the agony of a UTI. She's a hell of an actor, I say.

Health Clinic Pamphlets - A

Erika Stephanie

This is Erika Stephanie, my friend Tim's girlfriend. I think that she thinks I'm a freak, but I really really want her to like me.

Hey, are those bride and groom monkeys on that table?

Erika Stephanie - A+!

The World's Strongest Boy

This freaks me out so much. I think this is the equivalent of over-the-top beauty pageants for little girls. This kid's weird Ukrainian parents started him weight-training when he was three years old. Can I just say that that's fucked up? Just look at him. He has the physique of a juiced-up man and the face of a little boy. It can't be healthy. Who can say how hard he's going to crash when he actually hits puberty?
Thanks to The Learning Channel for showing that stage parents can transcend the actual stage. This kid was, at one point, the only source of income for his family of four. Oh, and did I mention that his five-year-old sister is on the same path? And that the kid's trainer cut him loose because the kid's dad wouldn't say what kind of "supplements" he was taking? So, so bizarre.

The World's Strongest Boy - C- (but A to The Learning Channel - they show good stuff)

Anthony's Gourmet Pizza

This is some seriously good pizza. As someone who has been a slave to the big three for years (Domino's, Papa John's, Little Caesar's), it was really exciting to have non-formulaic pizza for once. The pizza was a little different than most, with the sauce on top - maybe that's Chicago style? Anyway, under the sauce were layers of pepperoni, mushroom and black olive, and lots and lots of cheese. The crust was delicious, and I have never had pizza that was so hearty. I could only eat a piece and a half. Also, the special we ordered included an awesome Greek salad and a two-liter, for the low low price of... $27.50. Ouch. It was good, though, and I think when all was said and done we got two dinners and three lunches out of it, so in the long run, the price wasn't so bad. If you come visit Ann Arbor and have a hankering for pizza, Anthony's should be your destination.

Anthony's Gourmet Pizza - A-

My Thoughts on (Some) Brides

Getting married is supposed to be the best, most beautiful day of a girl's life. Unfortunately, it usually turns out to be one of the most stressful. I've been on the receving end of some brides' freakouts, but I think that this one takes the big, over-frosted cake (as far as I'm concerned - some of you have much worse stories, I know!). I was supposed to sing in a wedding this coming weekend, but the bride had not reached a final decision on what she wanted me to sing, so I called her yesterday to see what she had decided; also, I had sent her a CD and just wanted to make sure she got it. Well, she called me back today, and she got the CD all right - and she told me that it was very good, but they've decided not to have a wedding singer, and that she hoped that was okay. Um, I think that's NOT okay, but what do you say to something like that? "Oh, no big deal, I didn't really want to do it anyway?" That's just not nice. I think she's freaking out, and I was expendable. Hopefully, she doesn't feel the same way about the groom.
Brides, let this be a lesson to you - the "vendors" have feelings, too, and you should extend common courtesy when relieving them of their services. In other words, poop on you, bad bride!

Cancelling your wedding singer less than a week before the wedding - F